Everybody needs somebody
by Lig7tM3Up
Summary: Brendan Brady and Ste Hay are two boys who met as children both wanting to escape their homes. Parted for thirteen years they are now both adults, and have both moved on? You got teen stendan, and adult stendan. Now Rated M.
1. Prologue i

_**Hiya,**_

_**New fic, like i said i liked the idea of them meeting as kids, so this is my attempt at that. I have some ideas of where i could go with this story, like them throughout thee years and stuff, but am not to sure whether to carry it on. let me know if it's worth carrying on or leaving as it is:] but yeah, enjoy and review pleasee:D**_

Brendan sat in the alley he had come to know very well. He hugged his knees to his chest, keeping one arm wrapped around his torso from the pain. He cried silently into his arms. He had run out of his house as fast as his little legs would carry him. The tears were stinging his face against his fresh cuts. Now the adrenaline was fading, he started to shiver. He hadn't realised just quite how cold it was, but now, sat in nothing but jeans and a t-shirt, Brendan was freezing.

The tears come down thicker and faster now. He was scared, he didn't know whether to go back home. Or stay out here, freezing his ass off. In pain. Help far, far away because this was his alleyway. No-one comes down here. That's why Brendan chose it the first time he ran away, despite the cold, and the pain. It's the safest he has ever felt.

'Hello?'

Brendan froze. Someone was in the alleyway, in _his_ alleyway. He didn't know what to do so he stayed quiet. He heard small footsteps getting closer. He drew his legs in closer to try and hide himself in the dark shadows. He winced at the pain he felt go through his ribs, let out a gasp.

'Are you okay?' the voice said.

It was a child's voice. Brendan no longer felt a threat. This person was just a child. Like Brendan was just a child. There voice was funny though, Brendan knew that people around here didn't have the same accent as him or his Da', but he hadn't heard this one before either.

'Who are you?' Brendan asked, wary.

The boy moved closer, his eyes were adjusting to the dark and he followed the voice. He stood, towering over the small boy on the floor. Huddled up. The other boy looked frightened, he sat down.

'I'm Ste.' He said looking sideways.

'Brendan.'

They sat there in silence for awhile longer. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it wasn't exactly comfortable. After awhile, Ste felt Brendan shiver next to him. His shivers were getting more violent and Ste worried about this other boy. He took off the coat he was wearing, he had a jumper underneath so he should be warm enough.

'Do you want my coat?' Ste asked.

Brendan didn't reply, he kept his head in his arm weeping silently, so Ste placed the coat around his shoulders.

'Thanks.' Brendan said.

They settled into silence again. Ste studied the boy next to him. He's older than Ste, but right now he looked so much younger. His shoulders moved up and down and Ste thought that he might be crying. His face was still buried in his arms and Ste felt the need to put an arm around him or something. He just looked so vulnerable.

'Are you done?' Brendan's muffled voice said.

Ste didn't know what he meant.

'What?' he asked.

Brendan lifted his head and turned to look at the boy next to him. Ste gasped. He had a cut on his cheek and his right eye was swollen. Ste didn't know what to do. What had happened to him? Why was he in this state? Was it the same reason that Ste was in this alleyway, in the dark. Did it happen to a lot of people?

'Are you done staring at me?'

Ste discarded the question.

'What happened to you?'

Brendan looked taken back. He wasn't expecting such a direct question. Usually people would just stare, or pretend they hadn't seen a thing. No-one ever really asked him why? Why his face was cut, why he walked funny.

'Nothing.' Brendan said, and buried his face back in his arms.

That was usually the reply Ste gave people when they asked.

'You know Terry then?'

Brendan looked at him as if he was an idiot. Ste suddenly felt self-conscious. What was it that he said that was wrong?

'Who's Terry?' Brendan asked.

'He's this man me mum brings back to the flat sometimes. He makes my face look like that sometimes.' Ste said matter of factly.

Brendan looked at Ste. He was curious about this boy. He was younger than Brendan, that's for sure. But in a lot of ways he seemed older. He had a skinny frame, but Brendan couldn't really distinguish anything else in this light.

'It wasn't Terry.' Brendan buried his face again. 'Whoever that is.'

'Who was it then?' Ste asked.

Why was this boy so damn pushy? He had a death wish that's why.

'No-one, for gods sake! I said it was nothing didn't I?'

They fell into silence again. Brendan wiped the tears from his face, careful not to hurt himself. He winced when the salty water grazed past the cut on his cheek. And fresh tears made their journey from his eyes downwards. He felt the need to hurt himself some more. He was showing more emotion than he should be. In fact, he shouldn't be showing any at all. He hit his fists down on the ground, letting out a yelp with the impact. He had to do this to punish himself for being such a 'pansy'.

Ste looked down at Brendan now grazed fist. He was gob smacked. Why had he done that? Surely that hurts.

'Well that can't be good for your hand.' Ste mumbled.

Brendan turned to him, eyes fierce and fresh with tears.

'So? It's my hand, not yours. _Stephen._' He said, spitting out his name as if it was venom.

Ste became annoyed. Nobody called him Stephen, he didn't like it when his mum called him it. And he didn't like it when this boy called him it.

'It's Ste.' he said, defiantly.

'I don't care.' Brendan said.

Ste became more annoyed. He hadn't done anything wrong. He was just trying to be nice to this boy. Because sometimes Ste felt like being alone, tonight was one of them times. Sometimes Ste needed to get away. This boy clearly did too. There wasn't really another explanation to why else he would be in an alley, by himself, at night, in the dark, in the state that he was in. But he was being annoying. He was being mean.

'Well I'll have my coat back then.' Ste said, pouting into the darkness.

He tried to take it back but the older boy wouldn't let him. He held on with a firm grip.

'Hey, you can't do that! That's my coat!'

'You gave it me.' Brendan sulked.

'Yeah, because I was being nice, but I don't want to stay here any more. '

He tugged at the coat again and managed to free it from one hands grip. The hand that had just smashed its way to the floor. He got the it free from the other hand as Brendan's left hand went to cradle his right.

'What did you do that for?' Brendan whined.

'I said I was gonna take it back.' Ste was unsure now. He had hurt Brendan. He hadn't meant to do that.

Brendan broke down into tears and Ste panicked.

'I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.'

'You didn't.' Brendan said, he stood up too quickly and keeled over coughing. A sharp pain had shot to his ribs from the sudden movement and Brendan didn't know how to handle it.

He fell back against the wall and recovered his position from earlier. Curled in on himself in a ball. Ste felt awkward. He wanted to comfort him, despite how rude he was, but he didn't know how. Instead he placed the coat back over his shoulders and they sat in silence again.

Ste decided to test his own ribs. He pressed a hand against them and squeezed his eyes shut at the pain. He had got the bruise a couple of days ago, but every now and then he would check the bruise. Whether it be in the mirror, or causing himself pain. He looked over at Brendan, only to find the boy was already staring at him.

'Are you hurt?' Brendan said, his voice soft and friendly. There was genuine concern there.

'It's nothing.' Ste said, in the same stubborn voice Brendan had used earlier.

He waited anxiously to see if Brendan had got his joke. Eventually he was rewarded with a little smile.

'What happened?' Brendan asked, serious now.

This boy was a mystery. First of: he had found Brendan's hiding place. No-one had every found his hiding place before. Second: he was showing Brendan kindness. Kindness that Brendan would get off his friends. That didn't mean they were friends though. And third: he had bruises. Just like Brendan had bruises.

'Was it Terry?'

'I thought you didn't know who Terry was?'

'I don't.' Brendan smiled. 'You just, mentioned him before.'

'Oh.'

'And... I have a Terry too.'

There was no harm in telling this boy. He wouldn't tell anyone, he was younger than Brendan and Brendan didn't dare tell anyone. And if he was in the same position, he would understand. He would know that they were not allowed to tell anyone. It was against the rules.

'What do you mean?' He asked, turning now so that he body no longer faced the opposite wall, but faced Brendan's body instead. He crossed his legs.

'His names Seamus.'

Ste was confused.

'Huh?'

Brendan looked at Ste.

'You said Terry makes you look like this,' he pointed towards his face, 'And hurts you here.' he pointed to his ribs.

Ste nodded.

'Well, Seamus does that to me. Seamus did _this_ to me. He's my Terry.'

Ste understood now.

'Why does Seamus do it?'

'Because he can. Because of the alcohol. Because he has to, you see. He has to make me a man like him.'

He had Ste confused again. Did Brendan think he deserved this? Ste didn't know how many people this happened to, who would cover it up like he does. If it even happened to anyone else. Like Brendan does. If it even happened to anyone else. But he knows for a fact that no-one deserved it.

'You don't think you deserve this do you?' Ste asked.

'Of course not.' Brendan said shocked. Ste sighed relief. 'It's just something that has to be done.'

Ste sucked in the breathe he had just let out.

'No it's not.'

'Stephen,' Brendan began, Patronisingly. 'I'm older I think I know a lot more than you. What are you anyway. Like 4?'

Brendan laughed an emotionless laugh at his own joke. Because Ste clearly wasn't 4.

'It's Ste!' He said through gritted teeth. 'And I'm 11. How old are you. 100?'

There was no humour at all in his come back though.

'Nooo.' Brendan said as if he was saying 'Duh'. 'I'm 14, actually.'

Ste rolled his eyes.

'Whatever.'

They went back to silence. Silence was better than talking with this boy. Ste didn't know what went through his mind, and he got on Ste's nerves. A lot.

'Why does Terry hurt you?' Brendan asked.

'Because he can. Because of the alcohol. But _not _because he _has_. And _not_ because he's making me a man. That's just stupid.'

Brendan turned to Ste. Rage filling his eyes. He look like Terry before the first hit would come. Ste held his ground. Reminded himself that this boy was not Terry. He was just that. A boy.

'MY DAD IS NOT STUPID!' Brendan roared, and it echoed into the night.

Ste shivered into the silence.

'He's your... he's your dad?'

Brendan looked defeated. Baffled. Ashamed.

'Terry isn't your dad?'

Ste shook his head. Of course Terry wasn't his dad. His real dad would _never_ treat him the way Terry does. He felt a pang in the pit of his stomach. A longing for his dad. His _real_ dad.

'No. I already said, he's just this man me mum brings home. My dad wouldn't ever touch a hair on my head.'

Brendan looked down.

'Yeah, well my dad teaches me. How to be a man. It hurts now. But it will help me later. I'm sure of it.' Brendan sounded more as if he was trying to convince himself than Ste.

'That's just stupid.'

'I'm not stupid.'

Brendan looked completely helpless. Ste felt the need to comfort him again. But again, he didn't know how. Instead he changed the subject.

'Yeah, well I am. Can never get anything right at school me.'

Brendan looked relieved at the subject change. He was grateful at Ste for doing that.

'I'm top of the class.'

'Well, maybe this new school. I'll be top of the class too.'

This statement brought Brendan back to his funny voice.

'Where was your school before?'

'Manchester.' Ste said.

Where was that? Ste seemed to note the look of confusion on Brendan's face and helped him out.

'It's in England.'

'Oh, why did you move to Belfast?'

'Because mum met Terry.' He said. It was simple as, nothing else to add.

'Why did you move?' Ste asked.

Brendan looked at him. He was clever. Not stupid at all.

'I thought you said you were stupid?' Brendan asked with a smile.

Ste returned the smile.

'I'm observant. You don't sound like everyone else around here. You sound the same, but different.' Brendan chuckled. That was one way to put it. 'So, why did you move?'

'Seamus met someone else. Someone that wasn't ma'. They had a family of their own so we moved here.'

Ste nodded and they fell back into the silence. Now it was becoming familiar, comfortable. Ste liked it.

'How did you find my hiding place?'

'_Your_ hiding place?'

'Yes, mine. I come here to get away because no-one else does. Therefore it's mine.'

Ste shrugged.

'I had a hiding place of my own that I found a couple of days ago. I wanted to find it again tonight only, I couldn't. It's dark now, and it was light when I found it. So I just kinda walked around looking, and then I heard you.'

Brendan nodded.

'Did Terry hit you tonight?'

'Almost.' Ste said. 'That's why I wanted to escape.'

'Oh, what did you do?'

'Nothing. He came home right, and I could smell him. You know? Like whenever I get hit there's one smell that I can smell, and it's stale beer and sweat and cheap aftershave in one. And I knew what was coming, so I left before he had the chance.'

This boy intrigued Brendan. Brendan felt as if he could talk freely to him without being judged, or anything like that. He was just talking, and this boy would understand. He actually _understood._ There was something else about him too, but what? Brendan didn't know just yet.

'How did you get out? I find it hard enough to leave to meet my friends, and your younger. So I don't see how you managed to leave, because I'm pretty sure it's past your bedtime.'

And there he was. At it again, trying to put Ste down. Stephen made him uneasy, despite being the one person Brendan has ever spoken to about this stuff. He made Brendan doubt himself, and Brendan didn't like that. And there was this thing that Brendan couldn't quite put his finger on. That made Brendan feel uneasy.

'My mum's usually passed out on the sofa by this time.'

Brendan was shocked.

'Terry beats you mum too!' He shrieked his mouth making an 'O' shape.

Ste was just as shocked at the accusation.

'What, no. Mum will stay out the way, and Terry will let her. But she drinks herself silly.'

Brendan calmed abit then. Good, no woman should ever be hit. That was just... _wrong._

'What about you? How did you get out?'

'My da' prefers me to leave after. He wants to get me out of his sight until I can learn to fight back properly. So when he shouts at me to leave, he doesn't really care where I end up.'

Ste understood how Brendan felt. It was the same with Ste. Terry wanted him gone from his sight, and Ste obliged.

'How long are you planning on staying out here?' Ste asked, 'Cause, I still want to find _my_ place. And you've still got _my_ coat.'

'I'll help you.' Brendan didn't really know where it came from. He just knew that he wasn't ready to go back home, and however annoying this boy was, he wanted the company. And hey, maybe his hiding place was better than the dank alley they were in at the moment.

Ste paused for a second. Did he really want this boy coming with him? He was nothing but rude at the best of times, annoying. To damn arrogant. But he was lost, in a way. He thought he deserved his beatings and refused to believe otherwise. And well, Ste was hardly going to find it by himself in the dark. Plus, he wanted the company.

'Yeah, alright.'

Ste helped Brendan up, and with Brendan's arm around him, leaning on him for support they set of. They went out of the alley the way Ste had gone in. they wandered the estate that Ste lived on, Ste was looking for something familiar. He knew that once he saw the fence, they were there. The only problem was, Ste wasn't quite sure where that fence was.

Brendan unhooked his arm from around Ste shoulders, and bent down so that one hand was on his bent knees, the other clutching his torso.

'You okay?'

Brendan nodded and then stood straight.

'Yeah, just needed a rest. I think I can walk okay the rest of the way.'

They carried on, walking past estate after estate. Ste wasn't sure where exactly he was going, but he knew he was getting close when a fence came into sight. Ste wasn't far off then, when he had left his house. He had turned left instead if right, that was where he made the mistake.

They knew where they were going now, just waiting till they found the gap in the fence to climb through so Ste found himself focusing on Brendan. He was still clutching his torso, and was walking at a slow pace, but he seemed better.

'Is that it?' Brendan pointed towards the gap that Ste was looking for, he dragged his eyes away from Brendan and suddenly became excited.

'Yeah, yeah. That's it come on.' He ran towards it, Brendan a couple of steps behind him. 'We have to climb through, do you think you'll be okay?'

Brendan bent down, grimaced at the pain and held his breathe until he was through. He tried to get through as carefully as he could, but unfortunately that included getting his arse muddy. Ste crawled through after him and brushed himself of. He looked down at Brendan.

'Need a hand?' He asked reaching his hand down to him.

Brendan took it, and wiped his bum in the process.

'Ew!' Ste pulled a face as Brendan wiped the mud on his hands on Ste's neck. 'What the hell!'

But his anger soon disappeared when Brendan started to laugh. He had never seen more then the smallest smile and a pretend laugh. And to see him laugh, genuinely with light in his eyes, made Ste feel warmed, his smile was a nice one. Ste laughed with him and wiped it off his neck back onto Brendan's.

When the laughter faded Brendan looked at Ste.

'I'm sorry. About being um... the way I was back there.' It seemed genuine. Let's just hoped this new, nice Brendan stuck this time. 'It's nice here your place, honestly I can see why you like it here.'

Ste sensed sarcasm in his voice and he looked around.

The first time he had come here was the first time Terry had hit him. He hadn't expected it, didn't know he could feel so much pain, both emotionally and physically. But he had and he felt scared. He had looked at his mum for help, but she averted her gaze and continued to drink from her bottle. Ste felt tears burning at his eyes.

He wasn't sure what he had done wrong. He had walked to the kitchen to get some food, and Terry was by the fridge. He had waited for him to move but he didn't seem to be, so Ste asked if he could 'move please' and he spun around. Flipped. Slammed the beer he had just got from the fridge down on the counter grabbed Ste around the neck, backed him against the wall.

'I'll move, when I want to move.'

Ste felt his hot breathe in his face. That's when he got the first whiff. Stale beer, sweat, cheap aftershave. He shook under the hand.

'I-I just wanted some food-'

Ste felt the hand get tighter around his neck and he felt the wind taken out of him. The most excruciating feeling hit his stomach, and for a second he honestly thought he had died. But then he got his breathe back and the pain hit him.

He had run out of the house as fast as he could, not looking back. He wasn't sure where he was planning to go until he saw the gap in the fence and the field behind it. His eyes were immediately drawn to field because it looked like freedom. It felt like a place he could go and just be him. There was no-one there and it seemed to spread out for miles.

That day he was surrounded by green grass and flowers, and a cool breeze. He found a tree and had just sat. Not doing anything, just sat underneath the tree, until it started to get dark and he was too scared to stay there any more. But looking at it now, he was glad he had left when he did. It was pitch black, the only light coming from street lamps behind them and the moon and stars. It made shadows form, and this place no longer looked like the safe, serene place he had been to before. It looked sinister and he wanted nothing more then to leave.

'It looks better when it's the day time.'

Brendan nodded.

'Well maybe we should come back in the day time then?' He said, hopeful that Ste's answer would be yes.

'Only if you promise not to be so mean next time.'

Brendan smiled.

'Okay deal.'

He turned to go back home and his face fell. He was going to have to climb through that fence. Again. The second time was no better than the first and he felt the pain stronger than ever when he stood up again. To much movement had caused this.

'So, how will I know when to come here?'

Ste thought about his answer.

'You can keep my coat, and that way you'll remember you have to give it back and you'll find me. Eventually.'

Brendan screwed up his face.

'Your coats to small for me anyway. Why would I keep it?'

Ste pouted.

'Well I don't know. Just take it anyway otherwise you'll get cold. But remember that's my favourite coat, that is. I'll be wanting it back.'

Brendan smiled, 'Okay. Well I'll make sure I get it back to you then. Bye _Stephen_.'

He turned and walked away. A laugh building up inside him, that only escaped when he got the reaction he had been expecting.

'It's _Ste!_'


	2. Prologue ii

**_Okaay, so the reviews i got for the first part of this story said i should continue. They were lovely, so thank you for them all. I will try to do this story justice, because i enjoy writing it and do not want to let it, or you, down. So here is the next installment. It gets quite dark towards the middle, not that bad, but it made me sad when i was writing it, so sorry in advance if it's to much for you. Anyway, thankyou for all your lovely reviews and please keep them coming._**

**_Enjoy!_**

'I'm just saying lads, she's a good looking gal.'

Brendan laughed along with the rest of his friends. It was so _Pete_ to fantasise about the first girl he clocked eyes on, talk about her endlessly, never have the courage to ask her out. And then when the next pretty little thing comes along the first girl would be gone from his like a shot.

'You've got no chance.' Brendan said, a ridiculously big grin on his face.

He had woken up happy this morning. Despite the dark circles under his eyes showing just how little sleep he had got, and the pain to his ribs and face he had woken up feeling reasonably good. Getting ready had been a struggle, he had to bite down on his lip to refrain from crying out in pain everytime he moved to much or to suddenly, and his ribs couldn't take it. This only caused more pain to his lip.

When he made it downstairs Cheryl was already sat at the table eating her breakfast, her ma' making Brendan's.

'Toast alright for you-' her face fell when she turned around.

This made Cheryl look up from her food.

'OMG! Bren? What happened to your face?' She asked, voice higher than usual.

Brendan dropped into a chair and tried to hide his face, but there was no point now. They had seen.

Of course Cheryl's mum didn't know about the beatings. Not like Brendan's own ma' had known. That's what drove the wedge between Brendan's ma' and pa'. When his ma' had found out about the beatings she didn't want anything to do with his dad, wanted him gone, little did he know he was planning to leave anyway. For Cheryl's mum.

When he did leave, it was a relief. For them both. They got on better than ever, and Brendan felt happy and safe with his ma'. Only, she fell ill and before he knew it he was back with his father, and before long the beatings started. But he was careful this time, made sure he was sober enough to control himself. So as not to cause noise so he didn't wake his new missus and Cheryl. The routine was the same though, dragging Brendan out of bed, telling him a story about how when he was Brendan's age he was getting in a fight every other day. That there was nothing else he would rather do, that that is what was different between the two family members. Seamus was a man because he used his fists, and Brendan wasn't for lack of fist usage.

At first Brendan was shocked. When he lived with his ma', none of the other kids came into school with bruises. It didn't make sense to him, so he would just go along with it hoping it would be over before the first punch. But this only angered his dad.

'Fight me..._ Brenda_. Your not queer are ye Brenda, _fight me..._' he would slur taking another sip of his beer. 'Don't just sit back and take it, that's not what real men do. You have to fight me to_ prove_ yourself.'

His words didn't have any effect either. It wasn't until Brendan became older and he would see people in school having fights that he started to think about his dad's words as if they had meaning to them. Truth. But, while he was with his mum he didn't lay a finger on anybody. That wasn't him. He had managed to get away from the violence when his dad had had the affair and left and he wasn't in a hurry to carry it on.

But then his ma' had died and his dad was the only person who could look after him. Well there was Nana Flo, but she was ill, and wasn't really in any state to look after Brendan. So Brendan had gone to his dad's and the beatings had started again. Only this time Brendan wouldn't sit back and take it like a little girl, he would try his hardest to fight back. But he couldn't, he still feared his father and he was weak. So instead of a proud father, congratulating him saying that he is finally becoming the man that he has always knew his son could be, he become even more angry at Brendan pathetic excuse of fighting back.

Thus, Brendan spending most nights in a alley, thus him meeting Stephen, thus his cheery mood this morning.

'Nothing, Chez. It's fine.' Brendan replied with the most believable smile he could muster.

His step mum looked at him with curiosity on her face and concern, but knew he wouldn't say anything. Not in front of Cheryl anyway. There relationship might still be frosty, but they had that in common. They both wanted to protect Cheryl from the evil in this world.

'Where's da'?' Brendan asked. Praying to god he wouldn't come down the stairs at any moment.

Cheryl's mum huffed a sigh and shook her head.

'Fuck knows.' She said.

Cheryl giggled at her choice of language and she bit her lip.

'I'm sorry. Cheryl do not repeat that please.' She said, a hopeful look on her face.

'I know mum. I _know._' Cheryl replied.

'You too Brendan.' She said in a stern voice. Brendan just smiled.

He felt better knowing that his dad wasn't home. He felt more relaxed and he got his bag ready for school and waited for Cheryl while she did whatever it was girls her age did to get ready. Eventually she came downstairs in a vibrant pink flowery top, pink cardigan and leggings. Brendan smiled, it was so Cheryl to stand out even if today it was more subtle than most.

They walked to school, Cheryl babbling on about having two new classmates.

'I'm gonna make friends with 'em Bren. But not just friends, best friends. My other friends are annoying me.'

'Mmh...' Brendan replied.

His mind was on other things. He was thinking about the coat that was shoved at the bottom of his bag, or more precisely the person in which it belonged to. He smiled at the thought of Stephen. He was a funny boy. And he did annoy the hell out of Brendan, but he cared. Genuinely cared and well, he was a funny boy.

They reached the gates, Cheryl now forgetting how annoyed she was with her friends, ran up to them happier than ever. Brendan continued to the school until he saw Pete and Malachy and the rest of his friends. They did there usual greet (pulling each other into their chest with a thump on the back) and carried on into school. First couple of lessons were a drag, but lunch had come quickly and here they were. All sat around their usual table watching Cheryl guide a newbie to get food and join Cheryl at her usual table.

'Pfft... you think you have a better chance with her than I do?' Pete smirked.

'I never said that. Even though that's probably true.'

They all laughed and looked back at the petite brunette.

'I'm just saying, a few years she is gonna be a _stunner_.' Pete said.

'You creep.' Malachy said with a snort.

But Brendan was no longer focused on the new girl, there was somebody walking up to Cheryl and the new girl. He was skinny, he ran slightly to catch up with the two girls. He was nervous that was for sure. He was familiar – well of course he was bloody familiar it had only been a couple of hours since Brendan had been in his company. Brendan felt weirdly excited.

Stephen slipped over his trouser leg, which was to big for him. And it was everything in Brendan's power not to laugh. Not meanly because he had just slipped. But because the Stephen he was seeing now was so different to the one he saw yesterday. The one with all confidence, the one with the attitude.

He looked around to see if anyone had seen his slip blushing slightly. He double took when his eyes met Brendan's. His face lit up into a huge smile and he waved. Brendan waved back.

'Who's that?' Malachy asked. _Nosy bugger._

'A friend.' Brendan said. He didn't know why. He didn't know whether they were friends, whether Stephen classed them as friends. He didn't even know if _he_ classed them as friends. But in that moment it felt like the right thing to say.

'Oh.' Malachy said.

Cheryl and her new pals made their way around to Brendan's table on their way to their table.

'Bren, mum says that you have to... stay home tonight.' She was nervous and kept glancing towards Malachy. Blushing in the process. Brendan rolled his eyes, Cheryl's crush on Malachy was obvious, to probably everyone in the school.

'But Chez I have plans tonight.' He had planned to go to the pier with the boys, like he usually did.

'Yeah, but _Brendan,' _She wined. 'Dad's not back and she said you have to stay home.'

Brendan understood now.

'So I'm babysitting you again tonight?'

Cheryl started to laugh, but it was forced and she looked towards Malachy, blushing. She playfully hit Brendan's arm.

'It's not babysitting. I don't need babysitting, she just doesn't want you staying out tonight. You can have friends round. She's letting me have these two round.' Her face lifted at her new friends.

'I'll come round mate.' Pete said. 'We can go to the pier any day. Can go tomorrow.'

Brendan looked at him curiously, but his eyes were focused on the girl beside Cheryl. Brendan rolled his eyes.

'Yeah, alright Chez.'

'Thanks Bren.' she gave him a quick hug and walked off.

Stephen turned around while he was walking away and smiled at Brendan.

Brendan lay in bed that night. It had been a good day today. Today was one of them days he liked to savour every second out of, because there was nothing about it that was negative. No negative thoughts. Nothing.

He hadn't seen his dad at all that day. No-one questioned his story about how he had got the marks on his face. Walking into a door worked for them, they were used to seeing marks on him and had learnt that what Brendan said goes. If he walked into a door, he walked into a door. No questions asked.

Him and Pete had watched TV when they got home. Stuffed there faces with whatever was in the house, Brendan more than him. Cheryl walked in with her two new friends half an hour after them. They went straight for the kitchen and Pete and Brendan found themselves laughing when they heard cupboards close.

'BRENDAN! You've eaten all the food.'

'Chez, there's still some uneaten food in here.'

She came marching in, her pose trailing behind her. Cheryl picked as much of the left over crisps and chocolate as she could and hurried out the door.

'Wait, Chez. Don't take it out, we might get hungry again.'

She huffed and came and sat on the floor in the middle of the living room, the other two sat down next to her.

'I don't see how this is fair, you've already pigged out and I don't even like what's on TV.'

Brendan sighed and rolled his eyes. She could be so stroppy at times.

'You can change the channel then.'

She smiled satisfied and the channel changed. She wasn't even watching it though. She had started muttering away.

'This is Lynsey by the way Bren, Lynsey and Ste.' He was drawn away from his conversation with Pete about Malachy.

'What?' he said.

'Lynsey and Ste. Their new.'

She carried on talking with them, and Brendan carried on his conversation.

'Yeah, but he doesn't have to be _as_ annoying though, does he.'

Pete laughed and shook his head.

'Mal's alright. I don't get why you have so much hate for him. I mean, yeah, he an annoying twat at times. But he's not _that_ bad.'

'_Sir, I'm sorry. I know we were meant to only do questions 1-3. But I couldn't help myself, I finished the sheet, and then I took it upon myself to do a little extra...'_ Brendan impersonated Malachy's words from earlier that day. 'Peter, I saw you roll your eyes at that.'

Pete snorted a laugh, chocking on his drink at Brendan's impression.

'Are you guys talking about Mal?' Cheryl said turning her head. Her ears literally picking up.

'Cheryl! Your stalking isn't getting any subtler. I don't get why you like the guy. He's a twat.'

Cheryl's face went beetroot red and her mouth dropped down in shock. Brendan noticed Ste trying to hide a smile from his face and Lynsey doing the exact same.

'I do not _stalk_ Malachy.' Brendan snorted.

'And he's your friend. I don't know why your slagging him off.' She said with a huff.

'Don't worry about it Chez, that's just Bren. Personally I think there's some jealousy there.' Pete said. His relationship with Cheryl was a brother-sister one. Brendan had moved when he was eight and Pete was the first friend he made. At first they didn't get along, but they got past all that and Pete was welcome at Brendan's any time, just like Brendan was welcome at his. They, themselves had a brother relationship. Pete was Brendan's best friend.

Cheryl laughed. And so did Lynsey. Brendan could almost feel Pete's ego swelling at this fact.

They all put in for a pizza and ordered when Cheryl's mum called to say she was going to be back later than she thought. When eventually Cheryl's mum came back Lynsey, Pete and Stephen went home. Pete only lived around the corner, and conveniently so did Lynsey. Brendan knew where Stephen lived. He knew it was one of the estates that they had walked past yesterday, and he didn't want to let him go back there. He thought it unfair that tonight, Brendan was out of trouble. If his dad wasn't back now, Brendan hoped that meant he would was safe for tonight. But Brendan could tell by the look in his face that Stephen might not be so lucky, and Brendan thought after the kindness Stephen had shown, that that wasn't fair.

Stephen gave Brendan a look just before he shut the door and Brendan knew what he was trying to say.

He lay in his bed just listening to the sounds around him. The low hum from the TV had faded as Cheryl's mum had gone to bed, the lights had all gone of and he was surrounded by a rare serenity.

He felt himself falling into a peaceful slumber. His eyes flew open when he heard the fumble of keys in the door. Everyone was home except his dad. He sunk deeper into his bed, pulled the duvet around him tighter and forced his eyes shut. He willed himself to go to sleep. But his heart was pounding now and there was no way he was getting to sleep now.

Instead he strained his ears to try and distinguish his fathers actions. He heard the jingle of keys as he threw them down somewhere. He heard a clump and figured that was his shoes and coat coming off. Then he heard him coming up the stairs and Brendan held his breathe.

He dad stumbled down the corridor and then Brendan didn't here any more movement. He didn't dare risk checking but he had brief hope that his dad had gone to his room and rested for the night. He waited for what felt like a lifetime and then let out a breathe and settled back into bed.

'_Brenda..._' he heard a whispered hiss coming from by his door.

He froze, he hadn't even been moving but he felt his whole body tense up. He thought that it would've been barely noticeable and squeezed his eyes shut. Hoping he could get away with pretending to be asleep.

'_Brenda...'_ he heard again, closer this time. His eyes had opened and his breathe hitched.

'I know your awake... get up!' his dad said in his ear and he let out his breathe and closed his eyes.

He pulled the duvet back and reluctantly got out of bed. Seamus looked at him expectantly and Brendan didn't know what he was supposed to do. He became panicky. What was he meant to do?

'Well go on _boy,_ give me what you got...' Seamus sneered in Brendan's ear.

Brendan couldn't do this, he couldn't possibly punch his dad. He had tried many times and in all honesty it had given him more pain and damage than Seamus. Brendan lifted a shaky fist and looked into his fathers eyes. He was looking at Brendan with disgust, his eyes had a crazy glint to them and his breathe was warm, but vile in Brendan's face. He lowered his hand.

His dad laughed, but it was humourless. The smile didn't reach his eyes.

'_Pathetic, _Brenda. That's what you are pathetic...'

The tone in his voice angered Brendan. He thought this was _funny?_ Brendan tried his hardest to impress his dad, but what if what Stephen had said was right. What if he didn't deserve this? Then his dad, his own _father_ was getting kicks out of causing Brendan this pain, and damage and neglect. He lifted up his fist again, only this time he didn't dropped it and aimed straight for his dads face.

Only his dad was quicker, despite the state he was in, and he was stronger and he grasped Brendan fist. Squeezing so hard he almost formed a fist of his own around Brendan's. Brendan squeaked at the pain, could feel his bones working hard not to break and tried to pull his hand away. Seamus didn't release his hand. Instead he gripped tighter and pulled Brendan closer so that Brendan felt his stubble prickling his ear.

'You want to fight me Brenda, you wait your turn... you gave up your opportunity just then... you don't get a free hit whenever you feel like it.'

Brendan shivered when his dads breathe hit him. He held his own breathe to hold back the tears. He swallowed down the lump in his throat, causing it to grow. He trembled with fear. It was worse then it usually was. Before it was violence, just violence and anger, from both of them. But there was intensity. His dad was showing emotion and menace and it scared Brendan more than the though of his dad hitting him too hard one day.

'That's my job...'

Brendan keeled over and coughed as he felt the impact to his stomach from is dads punch. This time he could not hold back the tears. They fell in pools, soaking his pyjama bottoms. His dad grabbed his hair painfully and pulled it back, forcing Brendan to look at him.

'You _disgust _me. Learn to fight Brendan. Be a fucking man for once.'

It was one of the rare times that he would call him by his real name, but Brendan thought he preferred it when he was called 'Brenda'. There was something more frightening about him saying Brendan.

'I'm... s-sorry.' Brendan chocked out between sobs.

Seamus had already started to make his way out of Brendan room. He turned at the door and said, 'Don't apologise for yourself Brendan. Have I taught you nothing.'

And then he was gone.

Ste sat under the tree he had found on his first time in this field.

He was beyond tears now. It wasn't right for him, at his age to be so used to this abuse that crying is no longer good enough. That there is no use for it any more. It made his face wet and then crusted when they dried. It caused aches from him screwing up his face to keep the tears silent. It caused him pain if damage had been done to his face. And at the end of it all he just felt empty. Why go through that.

Instead he just sat and felt empty. He leaned his back against the trunk of the tree and looked up. It was a clear night tonight, so he could see the stars and the moon clearly. He tenderly touched his now swollen eye. He winced at the pain and sighed.

Well he was never going to change the channel while Terry was sleeping on the sofa again. That was for sure.

Ste laughed dryly at his joke.

He looked around his field. He had gotten past how scared he was by being here by himself, shadows and all. He had run from the fence towards the tree. And now sat here, Ste felt safe. He looked across at the fence he uses to get into the field. He froze. There was a figure struggling through the fence. Ste watched as they fell on there bum just like...

He squinted his eyes to try and see them clearly, but all he could see now was a silhouette, but it was coming towards Ste. Ste turned back around as the figure sat down on the opposite side of the tree.

He heard sobs. Familiar sobs.

'Brendan?'

He heard a sniff, and a shuffle and then Brendan was stood infront of him.

Ste stood up and put his hand on Brendan's arm.

'Bren-'

But he was cut off. Brendan had shrugged him off and pinned him against the tree trunk. Hand loosely around Ste's neck. There was no pain, but Ste was scared. He held his ground none the less.

'This is what he wanted wasn't it?' Brendan growled into his ear. 'He wanted me to show_ anger_... _pain._ Cause _him_ pain.'

He face contorted into a dry, menacing smile. Ste didn't know what to say. What was he was supposed to say.

'This is what he _wanted...'_ He dragged out the last word and his hand tightened around Ste's neck before loosening. His smiled faltered and turned into a frown, and a single tear escaped his eye.

Ste was scared, but not because Brendan had his hand around Ste's neck. But because of what Seamus had caused. Brendan was a crumbling boy. He was insane in this moment. What if that happened to Ste, Brendan was only three years older then Ste, but what if this happened to Ste if Terry's beatings continued.

'But I couldn't do it.'

And then Brendan broke down. His hand dropped from Ste's neck and he fell to the ground. His sobs echoed out into the night. Whatever had taken over Brendan just then had gone, and he was back to the small 14 year old that Ste met yesterday, curled in on himself. Ste sank to the ground and rested against the trunk again, waiting for Brendan to compose himself.

He sat up and looked at Ste. He wiped his face, leaving a trail of wet tears scattered on his cheeks.

'Did he hit you again?' Ste asked.

Brendan nodded and gulped.

'Only... only, it was different this time.' More tears came down. 'I think... I-I think he really-' he took a deep breathe, '-I think he really hates me.'

For Ste it was different. Terry wasn't family, he wasn't close to being family. But for Brendan it was his dad. Ste remembered back to being with his real dad. Thoughts of his dad warmed Ste. Everyone deserved that kind of relationship.

'Terry hit you again?' Ste was shocked by the question, but noticed Brendan looking at the swelling. Slowly he moved his hand up to his eye.

'Yeah... You didn't go back to your alley today.' Ste stated.

'Yeah, thought I might give your place ago.' Brendan smiled.

Ste smiled back.

'Welcome.'

Brendan chuckled.

'So, your friends with my sister?' He asked, not so subtly changing the subject.

'Yes.' Ste said with a big grin, 'She's really nice. A little crazy, but I like that. She's funny-'

'Whoa! Does someone have a crush on my baby sister?'

Ste blushed, not that Brendan could see. He didn't. But he did really like her.

'What, no. I, I only just met her didn't I?' he reassured.

Brendan chuckled.

'I'm joking. Don't worry. And anyway, if she was going to go out with any one I'd want it to be someone like you.' Ste's chest swelled at the compliment. 'But that won't be happening for a _long_ time.' Brendan added.

Brendan moved so that he was leaning against the tree trunk too.

'How was your first day at school?'

'It was alright you know. Made some new friends.' he nudged Brendan. 'But that maths teacher... what's his name... he's well annoying.'

'The one with the odd nose and crooked teeth?'

'Yeah,yeah him.'

Brendan smiled.

'You'll get used to him. After a while, you'll find how pathetic he is kind of funny.'

Ste laughed.

'Any other advice?'

So Brendan gave Ste a run down of the school. The best areas to hang out, where to go when you don't want to get caught doing something, best people to hang with (his lot), the worst (the people he was already hanging with), who to stay away from, teachers to suck up to, teachers not to get on the bad side of. Good teachers, bad teachers.

Neither knew the time. Neither cared. They fell silent after a lot of talking and giggling. Brendan looked out into the stars and felt peaceful. He hadn't realised that Ste had fallen asleep until the boys head flopped onto Brendan's shoulder. Brendan didn't know what to do. Should he wake him up? They had school tomorrow, they would both get into so much trouble.

But Ste looked so peaceful, his inflamed eye looked painful, but he looked peaceful. Brendan didn't have it in him to wake the boy up. He started to feel sleepy. He had on a t-shirt, jumper and coat. His hands were wrapped up in gloves. He was warmer than he was yesterday, but he was starting to feel a chill on his cheeks.

As gently as he could he pulled both hoods up without waking Ste. He did up the zip on Ste's jacket and coat putting his hood up and settled back into a comfortable position. He looked back at the stars and felt a light breeze. His eyes started to droop and before he knew it, he too, fell asleep.


	3. Prologue iii

_**Third chapter for all of you lovelies:] Thank you for all your lovely comments i am glad that you are enjoying this fic. Some of you said i should carry on into their adulthood and i plan too so i am glad that we are having the same thoughts. Speaking of, i am going to try something different in the next chapter that links to them as adults... so be warned. Keep your reviews coming i love hearing what your thinking and enjoy...**_

Brendan woke up first. His whole body had become stiff and his toes felt numb, along with the tips of his fingers. So maybe sleeping out in a field was a bad idea. He looked down at Stephen who still had his head rested on Brendan's shoulder. In the night he had managed to curl into Brendan's side. Brendan didn't want to wake him because he was still looking so peaceful. But his face was going blue from the cold, and Brendan was pretty sure his fingers were about to drop off.

'Stephen... wake up.' He said, light shaking his shoulder.

Stephen groaned but stayed asleep.

For god sake! Brendan shook him more vigorously but still he didn't stir. Brendan didn't know what else to do, he slapped him firmly around his face and Stephen's eyes flew open.

'What!?' he looked around, before he remembered that he had fallen asleep in a field and gave Brendan a death stare. 'What the hell was that for?'

Brendan's face turned to shock then he started apologising.

'Ah Stephen. I'm sorry, I forgot about... I was just trying to wake you...'

Ste rubbed his eye tenderly. He was shivering for Ireland.

'It's fine. Brendan... we fell asleep in a field?'

Brendan nodded.

'Yepp, we have to get back Stephen or we're going to freeze to death.'

Ste stifled a nod and got to his feet, not quite balanced. Brendan got up wincing as pain shot to his ribs. He had forgotten about that. He managed to catch Stephen in his arms. He looked into his face. It looked like he was fighting with sleep, the pain of his eye, and freezing his ass of, trying to control his shivers.

'You can come back to mine. You need to warm up and I don't want you going back to yours.'

Brendan didn't know when he became so protective and grown-up with this boy. It was usually the other way around. Brendan was usually the stubborn one who needed looking after, but he didn't feel right letting Stephen go home to that monster _Terry_. And he didn't want him to get ill.

'W-what about sch-school though?'

Damn. Brendan had forgot all about school.

'I'll sort it, don't worry.'

He put his arm around Ste straightening him up. He leaned into Brendan body. They made their way to the fence and every now and then they would have to stop so Brendan could hold Stephen through his shivers, and try to make him as warm as possible. He gave him his gloves and coat, of course he was cold himself but he was to concerned to keep Stephen okay.

He would start to slip from Brendan's grip at times. Brendan told himself it was sleep taking over, but he was becoming worried it was more to do with the cold now. And he didn't have a clue what to do about it.

They made it to the alley they had first met it, Brendan placed Stephen on the floor and sat with next to him, thinking what to do.

'T-thank you.' Stephen said.

Brendan smiled. He took out his phone and composed a message:

_Chez, went to Pete's early this morning. Tell your ma' and dad x_

He then proceeded to type another one:

_Pete, any one asks I came to yours this morning._

'What are you doing?' Ste asked.

'Sorting things. Stephen you need to warm up, you can do that at mine.'

Ste nodded and flopped his head onto Brendan's shoulder.

He received two texts at the same times,

From Cheryl:

_Of course, want me to tell them the actual reason why your not here too?;] _

From Pete:

_No problem mate. If you tell me why l8er?_

Brendan replied.

To Cheryl:

_Funny. Just make sure you tell them. And text me when they leave._

To Pete:

_Sure, just try and get me out of enough shit as possible._

He rested his head lightly against Stephen's and closed his eyes. He didn't know how long he was asleep for but he woke up to Stephen shaking him.

'Br-r-rendan, your phone...'

Brendan looked down and saw that Cheryl was calling. He fumbled with his cold fingers and answered.

'Cheryl?'

'Brendan! Finally, you ask for my help and then you don't even pick up. Ma' gave me a lift because _you_ weren't there to walk me. Went to work straight after I think... and dad never came back last night-'

So both the Brady men had been dirty stop outs last night.

'-So you don't have to worry about him. Unless you two run in to each other at home.'

Brendan shivered at the thought but if he knew his dad he wouldn't be back for another whole day if he was lucky.

'Okay, thanks Chez.'

He was about to hang up when he he heard Cheryl shrieking down the phone.

'Wait! Bren!... BRENDAN WAIT!'

'Jesus Cheryl what?'

'Are you in trouble? Just you had them bruises yesterday and now your out all night, just, if your in trouble. Bren, you know you can always talk to me-'

'Yeah, cheers Cheryl bye.'

_Damn._ He didn't want Cheryl to get suspicious.

'Right Stephen. C'mon.'

They stood up again. Brendan's arm around Stephen and made their way towards the house. When they got inside Brendan went straight to the bathroom to turn on the shower. He came downstairs again to find Stephen in the same place he had left him looking around in awe.

'You can have a shower, I'll leave you some spare clothes in my room.'

Stephen nodded and trudged upstairs to the bathroom. Brendan went into his room and found some old trackies and his oldest t-shirt. It would still be too big for Stephen but it would have to do. He made himself and Stephen some toast and sat on the sofa with a blanket around him and ate. The heating had come on and he was getting warmer.

Stephen came downstairs in his clothes and Brendan could help but let out a chuckle.

'Your two fat, clothes are too big...' Stephen mumbles, picking up the toast Brendan had made him and sat down on the sofa.

'Don't worry Stephen. As soon as you hit puberty you will start filling out like me.' Brendan said with a wink.

Ste frowned.

'Oi, I have hit puberty I'll have you know.'

Brendan snorted and stood up to go up the stairs so he could have a shower. He turned back when he reached the first step and looked back at Stephen. He had curled up on the sofa using the space Brendan had just vacated.

'We have to go to school when I'm ready, don't make yourself to comfortable.'

He heard a gruff mumble and headed upstairs.

When he came downstairs again. In fresh clothes, feeling a whole lot better, Stephen was fast asleep on his sofa. He sat down on the small space left at the end of the sofa. He spread the blanket out across Stephen, putting the end of it over his own legs. He looked at Stephen's face. He reached out a hand to push away the fringe from his face.

What the fuck was that? Brendan took his hand away and switched on the TV. Why, for the love of god, did he just do that? He moved the thought from his mind and tried to focus on the TV. It wasn't until he noticed that he kept looking across at Stephen that he realised the TV wasn't a good enough distraction. He looked at his phone to check the time. If he could, he would stay here all day, but he knew when it was 11:30 the school would be calling his parents about his absence.

His phone said it was five to ten. It also said he had 3 missed calls. All Cheryl from earlier. He checked his messages. Cheryl and Pete telling him to get his 'arse in school' and asking 'what's going on'.

They really should be getting to school now. He decided if Stephen didn't wake up by half ten, he would wake him up and they would go to school.

It reached ten past and Stephen started to stir.

'Lazy as shit you.' Brendan said as he started to shit up.

Ste chuckled.

'We not going to school then?' Ste asked hopefully.

'Afraid not kid.'

Ste made a face at Brendan for his use of the word 'kid', but he didn't mind it. It was amicable the way he said it. Not patronising.

'Well, why did you keep me sleeping then. Should be getting to school, shouldn't we?'

'That's what we're doing now. C'mon.' he said jumping of the sofa, switching off the TV and tapping Stephen's thigh encouraging him off the sofa.

'What about my books and stuff. Brendan! It's only my second day, I'm going to be late... I'm pretty sure my teachers hate me... Oh, god. And my books. What am I going to do about my books, their back at mine. I can't go back there to get them, not now-'

Brendan's head was starting to hurt from the constant flow of words coming from Stephen's mouth.

'Whoa, Stephen it's fine. Just, I don't know. Try and get the sympathy vote or something.' Brendan said washing the plates so nobody would notice that Brendan had been here.

'Well how am I supposed to do that?' Ste whined, putting his shoes back on.

'How am I supposed to know?' Brendan replied doing the same thing. 'Just say you were in a rush, and you got lost to school. Or something, I don't know.'

Ste and Brendan straightened up at the same time. Brendan picked up his bag.

'Okay. What are you going to say?'

Brendan shrugged holding the door open for Ste.

'I felt ill. Works 2 out of 3 times.'

Ste nodded.

They walked to school. There was nothing particularly interesting to about their conversation, but it flowed. And it was nice, there was nothing forced with this boy. Brendan was finding out new things about him. It was safe to say that they were now friends. It was nice to know that Brendan now had someone to talk to, and that he didn't have to be by himself in that alley any more. Becoming scared everytime he heard a noise. He was now hoping on going into that field, and finding Stephen there waiting.

But maybe not for a while now. Not until it becomes warmer. Because the can't risk falling asleep their again, or freezing until their death.

When they reached the school gates, Brendan instantly realised Ste had shut up – hard not to when Brendan had spoken two words the whole journey.

'Getting nervous now Stephen?' Brendan said lightly, trying to make him feel better.

'What if they call home? I can't deal with Terry, and that phone would just be a promise of a beating waiting for me at home.'

Brendan gripped his shoulders and looked at him.

'It'll be fine honestly. They don't ring until half ten, we got here in plenty of time.' Stephen still didn't look sure. 'And look hey, even if they know your story is a load of bull. What are they going to do about it.'

This seemed to work and Ste straightened.

'Okay.'

They parted when they got into school. Brendan signed in first, then Stephen. He turned around on his way up the stairs and said, 'Get Chez and whoever to come to the pier after school okay?'

Stephen, smiled a dopey smile and nodded. He then proceeded to walk down the corridor like he didn't have a care in the world. His worries from earlier that day completely forgotten.

Brendan walked into his class and all heads turned to him. He had hoped that he would get their around break, so he could slip into his class with everyone else, but then Stephen had had his mini break down and now he was a minute late. In his eyes.

'Glad to see you joined us Brendan.' His teacher said not turning around.

'No problem.'

His teacher turned with a knowing smile. It faltered when she noticed the bruises on Brendan's face. He had forgotten about them. She recovered quickly and a smile was back, only kinder this time.

'A particular reason for your lateness?'

Brendan shrugged, 'Didn't feel well.'

She nodded and pointed to his seat. He sat down and got out his books. He could feel Pete's eyes prying into his. He looked across at him, and Pete was taken back by the glare on Brendan's face.

'What?'

'Nothing.' Pete said, 'So are you going to tell me now?'

'Later.' Brendan said and turned back around to pretend to be listening to his teacher.

Pete noticed Brendan was having more troubles today with movement than yesterday.

'You okay?' He whispered in Brendan ear and he shivered.

'Fine.'

'Right.' Pete said.

'Okay.' Brendan said, still not turning around.

He knew that Pete was just worried, but he didn't want to talk about it now that Stephen was not with him and that the subject of his beatings was being brought up, it felt like that's all anyone was thinking. Like all eyes were boring into his soul to extract his deepest darkest thoughts. Find the truth to his bruises. His cheering mood from earlier was fading. A dark cloud had come up and taken it's place.

He looked around the classroom to try and catch the eyes of anyone that was daring enough to stare... only nobody was staring. It was all in his head.

The lesson passed quickly, Brendan found he was more caught up in is own thoughts than to the teacher.

At lunch, him and Pete met the boys outside the cafeteria. They hadn't spoken since their 'argument'. They got their food and made their way to their usual table.

Malachy started talking about how great he thought his French was becoming. Saying random sentences in his best French accent. It was good, but what else was new?

The mood was down around the table. Everyone could tell their was tension between Brendan and Pete, and Mal was just trying to fill the silence. And everyone was getting pretty tired of Mal's constant chatter.

Brendan played with his food, not really in the 'eating' mood. Which was new. Another reason for the awkwardness. Everyone knew something was up with Brendan. He was preparing to shout to china and back at Malachy, but when he looked up Stephen caught his eye. He was with Cheryl and Lynsey. Brendan noticed he had tucked the front of his t-shirt into the trackies so it didn't look quite so big. He was struggling to keep his trousers up and balance his tray. He was such a clumsy fucker.

Pete noticed him looking.

'Bren, aren't they yours?' he asked. Malachy had shut up and the table was now listening trying to pick up anything that would tell them why their friends were fighting.

'Nope. I have some like them sure, but people can have the same clothes Pete.'

'I was just asking Brendan! They look big on him-'

'-Of course. Because Pete has to know _everything_.'

Pete sighed and put down his folk.

'Look Brendan I don't know what I have done. I don't know why you seem to hate me right now, especially after this morning-' Brendan gave him a sharp look, '-but I am sorry okay.'

Brendan sighed. Thinking about it, Pete had done nothing but be a good friend to Brendan. He didn't deserve the treatment he was getting at the moment.

'It's fine. I'm sorry Pete.'

Pete smiled and patted Brendan's back, and the cloud was lifted from over the table. The talk picked up and the rest of the day seemed a hell ova lot easier.

They sat on the edge of the pier. Doing nothing as per usual. They sat on the edge, Aidan, Cian, Malachy, Pete and then Brendan. Brendan could hear Malachy boring the other two with history about the pier and Brendan found himself laughing silently with Pete.

'...and if you look far out into the sea, you can, lads can you see that. _Aidan_, look! Yes the thing that looks like a giant turd out in the sea. But that's not the point...'

Brendan saw the boys look of pleading to be saved from a lecture on whatever the giant turd was. He nudged Pete to look. They got scowls back which only made them laugh until tears were falling from their eyes.

Brendan stopped abruptly when his ribs started causing him to much pain. Pete look at him concerned and Brendan knew what was coming.

'Brendan...'

'Peter. I am _fine!' _

'Yeah, but Brendan. You may be an eejit at times, but nobody walks into a door that many times...'

Brendan didn't want to cause an argument so he zoned out.

'...all I'm saying really is, that you can talk to me. Any time.'

Brendan heard voices far off and turned to see Cheryl, Lynsey and Stephen coming towards them. Brendan smiled as they got closer.

'What happened to his eye?' Pete asked.

'How should I know?' he replied becoming defensive.

'Well I just thought you were friends.'

'Doesn't mean we're the type to share our deepest thoughts with each other, does it?' He said, even thought that is exactly what they did, but he was thinking about that moment earlier today when Stephen had been asleep- He shook the thought away.

Pete opened his mouth to say something else, but was shut up when Brendan stood up and met them half way.

'Hey.' he said to Stephen.

'Hi.' Stephen said back.

'How do you two know each other?'

Brendan looked at her like a fool.

'Cheryl you brought him round yesterday...'

'Oh,yeah.'

She linked arms with Lynsey and walked off, whispering about Cheryl's elaborate plan to squeeze in between Malachy and Pete, and that if there wasn't enough room for them both there, Lynsey could sit on the end next to Pete.

Brendan and Ste sat further down from everyone else.

'I see you kept my gloves with you.' Brendan started, noticing then on his hand.

'Well, you still have my coat so thought I may as well keep these as insurance.'

Brendan laughed.

'Speaking of...' and he took his bag from his shoulder and rummaged around to the bottom.

'Cheryl?' Pete asked, watching his best friend with this new boy.

'Yeah.' she said looking away from Malachy. Happy to be distracted from pretending to listening to him give her a history on the pier.

'Ste, what's story?'

'I don't know. He's really nice though. Really funny.'

'He lives in the estate the other side of town.' Lynsey offered.

'How does he know Brendan?' Pete asked Lynsey and Cheryl went back to listening to Malachy.

'I don't really know. Don't really know anyone except for him and Cheryl. And she talks a lot.'

Cheryl glared at her.

'But that's why I like her.' Lynsey reassured and Cheryl smiled and turned around.

Pete laughed, and carried on getting to know Lynsey.

'Are you sure that they aren't going to mind?'

'Stephen, I know them. They can live without me for a couple of minuets.' Brendan smiled.

Stephen look across at them unsure. Pete was laughing with Lynsey, Cheryl was looking bored to death with Mal but still looked at him like she fancied the pants off him. And Aidan and Cian were having an argument about something that probably, nobody but them cared about.

'Pete was giving me a right weird look earlier.'

'Yeah, well that's Peter for you.'

Ste looked at him curiously.

'Never mind.' Brendan said. 'So, views on your second day at school?'

'Was alright you know. I didn't even get told off, just got looks like this...' he gave Brendan his best 'stern teacher' look. Brendan howled with laughter.

'Alright. It wasn't that bad.'

Brendan wiped a tear away, gripping his stomach.

'You don't get nearly enough credit for how funny you are.'

'Well that would be more of a compliment if you were laughing with me, not at me.' He asked noticing he was still gripping his torso. 'How are your ribs?'

'I'm in pain. But I'll live. Your eye?'

'The same.'

'Lynsey fancies Pete you know.'

Brendan laughed.

'Well he will be happy about that.'

'Oh, my god. Does he like her?'

'I don't know' Brendan said 'I think he's waiting until there both older till he makes his move.'

Stephen made a face.

'That's abit weird int it? So, he's like... saving himself for her?'

'When you put it like that it sounds weird.'

'It was weird already.'

Brendan nodded, 'That's true.'

'Kinda nice though. Like if he really did wait for her all that time.'

Brendan look at him like he was deluded.

'I know Pete. The next pretty thing. He'll be after them like a shot.'

'She is really pretty.' Stephen said.

Brendan looked across a him, he was still looking out over the sea. It was unexpected.

'Sounds like someone has a crush.'

Stephen smiled up at Brendan.

'You said that yesterday about Cheryl.'

'Oh, sweet Stephen, your not going to be one of _them._'

Stephen tried to hide his smile. He liked Brendan when he was like this-jokey, cocky and patronising. It was still annoying as hell, but Stephen knew right now he wasn't taking himself to seriously.

'I don't appreciate you being patronising.' he said with a pout. Brendan smiled. 'but who exactly are 'they'?' he asked making quotation marks with his fingers.

'One of them guys who goes around, breaking girls hearts. Good looking lad like you Stephen, don't let it go to your head.'

Stephen looked at him a jokey spark in his eyes, but his gaze was intense.

'Wouldn't want to end up like you now would I?'

'Saying I'm a heart breaker Stephen.'

Ste had gotten used to be being called Stephen from this boy now. He liked it. If anything, he preferred it.

'No, I'm saying your a 'good looking lad'' he replied imitating Brendan's accent.

Brendan chuckled softly.

'Very good very funny. Scratch what I said earlier, you don't get nearly enough credit for your wit.'

Stephen attempted to wink at him. And failed.

'Well we need to work on that before you make a fool of yourself.'

Their gaze hadn't faltered or been broken at all.

'Guys come on. We're leaving! Malachy says it's going to rain.' Pete shouts.

Brendan stood up and helped Stephen up. Stephen stood up and wiped his bum. Brendan did the same and they caught up to everyone else.

'What's the plan now?' Cian asked.

'I need to go home, will see you all later.'

'So what's the plan for us then?' Cian asked when Mal had walked away.

'I think I probably have to go home.' Lynsey said shy as anything.

'I'll walk with you.' Pete offered and Lynsey just smiled. 'See you later, Brendan meet me tomorrow? To... finish off our conversation' he asked before he left.

'Why don't we all meet tomorrow.' Cheryl piped up. 'Mal could come too...'

Cian and Aidan simultaneously wolf whistled and Cheryl went red.

'Alright. Here at 12 then?'

They all agreed and went their separate ways. Pete and Lynsey one direction, Aidan and Cian the other. Stephen, Cheryl and Brendan were left. They walked home in silence. Cheryl humming little songs to herself. When they reached their door they turned to Ste.

'Are you going to be alright?' Brendan asked. Cheryl looked at them curiously.

'I think so, my mum... will be asleep. And I think Terry is um... out.' he said subtly so that Cheryl would not figure what they were talking about. It wasn't dark yet either so Brendan wasn't to concerned for him getting attacked in the dark. There's nothing else keeping them in each others company.

'Okay, well see you tomorrow.'

'You want me to come?' Stephen asked shocked.

'Of course we want you to come silly.' Cheryl said, feeling weird that Brendan was saying bye to _her_ friend.

'Oh, okay. See you tomorrow then.' Stephen said, and he turned around and walked away.


	4. Chapter 1

_**Okay, so i admit that my first couple of updates started quite well and there has been awhile since my last one and this one. But i hit writer's block, i knew what i wanted and where i wanted it to go but i have blank patches between ideas that i needed to sort, and to make it flow i changed things up a little. Not the story, but the first three posts are now the prologue and this is chapter one. This is the only way i could think to fix it. Thankyou so much again for all your lovely reviews, honestly they make my day. I find myself reading them more than once.**_

**_I apologise in advance for any Emmett's or mistakes. Wrote this last night when i was in an Emmett craze elsewhere on the internet;] i skim read and edited so it won't be fully done, but i just wanted to post it as quick as possible. i will correct them soon as._**

**_Tell me what you think of the new idea, if it works and Enjoy..._**

**13 years later...**

Stephen walked into the bedroom. He started looking around the first shelf he came to. He checked the books. They were all old classics, he assumed this was not what Cheryl was after seen as she had said 'cook book'. He turned around the start searching the other shelf, when he noticed a figure in the bed.

His breathe hitched, he froze.

The person was sprawled out across the bed, hands behind their head. They were still fully clothed and on top of the covers. Ste didn't know what to do.

_Brendan!_ Brendan was here, in Hollyoaks. Brendan who he hadn't seen for years. Brendan Brady. Ste didn't know whether he was here to stay or not, but he didn't want to find out. He crept around the room to the other book shelf. He found a lot more fact books here, some cooking books so he new he was looking in the right place. Every now and then he would turn around to check Brendan hadn't woken up. That was a situation he did not want to be a part of.

There was a whole row dedicated to cook books and Ste realised Cheryl hadn't actually told him what kind she wanted in particular. Ste found deserts, vegetarian dishes, diner party meals. All kinds.

He crept back to the door, careful not to make any noise and turned the handle. Only the door wasn't opening. As quietly as he could he twisted and pulled, but still nothing. He lightly shook it to see if it was jammed, and stopped, his heart beating when it made a louder noise than he had wanted.

He turned around to see Brendan hadn't moved from where he was and his eyes were still firmly shut.

'Ste?' He heard his friend call from the other side of the door.

'Cheryl! Open the door.' He hissed. 'Open the door now, or I swear to god I am going to kill you and Lynsey.'

He heard shuffling.

'This is nothing to do with me Ste.' He heard Lynsey say.

'What are you on about. Must've misplaced the key, can't get you out until I've found it.'

Ste huffed and rolled his eyes. Did she think he was some kind of idiot? This was not funny.

'Well why was it locked in the first place?'

There was silence on the other side of the door and Ste could practically hear the clogs turning in her brain to talk her way out of the this one. Cheryl was a talker, Ste would admit that. She could talk her way out of anything. But no-one, in the history of the world, could ever explain their way out of this one.

Instead she – not so subtly – avoided the question.

'So me and Lyns are just going to pop out. To get some um... ingredients. Be back soon.'

He could hear her rushing to get away from Ste's wrath. Even though there was nothing he could do, now that he was locked in a room with Brendan-

Brendan!

He turned around to find Brendan still sleeping. Heaviest sleeper Ste had ever met. Ste was feeling shifty and uncomfortable. Cheryl had locked him in a room with an _unconscious _Brendan. What was she hoping to achieve by doing this.

Ste tried the door pulling harder now. He needed to get out.

'Who the fuck-'

Ste turned around as the first beat of that Irish voice hit his ears. Brendan was cut off immediately when he realise that it was Ste in his room. Ste looked from his hand on the door handle to Brendan, lifting himself into a sitting position. Ste couldn't help but notice his shirt falling open.

'I, um... It's locked.'

Brendan looked at him as if to say, _yeah, and I've got four arms._

'See for yourself.' Ste said.

Brendan stood up and walked towards the door not caring the his shirt had flown open and Ste was trying his hardest to look away. Brendan tried the door.

'Looks like your right.' Brendan turned around. 'Why?'

'Cheryl.' Ste said, as if it explained everything. Brendan seemed to understand it as he nodded.

Ste's eyes fell to Brendan's chest again, only now he was looking at something in particular. A tiny ink mark over Brendan left breast. Ste stepped closer to get a better look and noticed Brendan's whole body tense up.

'Infinity...' he breathed out and looked at Brendan.

Brendan nodded.

'But it's not complete.' Ste said. 'There's only one...'

Brendan looked him right in the eye. A look that only said one thing.

**13 years previously...**

Brendan sat under the shade of the tree working on his maths homework. He looked up to find Stephen still walking around in the same circles he had been for a while. He looked back down he needed to finish of his maths homework. He had neglected it too long.

'Work out angle _a_ of this triangle...' Brendan murmured, hoping saying the question aloud would help. It didn't.

'You what?' Ste asked, taking a break from circling.

'Maths homework Stephen. Wouldn't happen to want to help...?' Brendan asked hopefully. Knowing full well what the answer would be.

'I can't even do me own homework Bren, you know that.'

Brendan had become accustomed to Ste calling him Bren. Just like Cheryl and Pete did, only unlike when they said it, it warmed his heart. He loved the way it rolled of his tongue in that Mancunian accent. He made it sound so natural, like he was christening him Bren.

'Of course. On account for the fact that I am usually the one to do it for you.'

Ste scowled.

'You _help_ me Brendan. You don't do it for me.'

Brendan smiled sweetly, 'Of course I don't.'

Ste refused to react because he knew that was exactly what Brendan was after. Instead he turned around smiling and carried on circling.

'I got the results for that test they made me do.'

'What did they say?' Brendan asked trying to work out the answer of his maths again.

'I got dyslexia, right. So I'm not actually stupid.'

'I never thought you were stupid Stephen.'

Ste shivered but managed to hide it well. He beamed at Brendan. This gave him a confidence boost that was much needed.

'I could help you with you homework couldn't I? But only if it's on the 8 times table me. Can't do nothing else in maths...'

He trailed off and Brendan looked up at him. It wasn't what he had just said that made Brendan forget his maths and look up. It was the way he said it. The way his face clouded over when he said. Brendan was curious, but he didn't want to push it.

'Eight times table huh?' Brendan asked, voice light.

'Yepp.' Ste said. Tight lipped. 'I'm a pro at it, me.'

Brendan put down his pen.

'Whys that then?' Brendan wasn't quite sure whether this was pushing it. But he wanted to know the reasoning behind the way Ste had tensed up over the eight times table. Brendan didn't think it was that bad.

'I say it a lot don't I? In my head like, when Terry's... you know.' He said, widening his eyes so that Brendan understood. Of course at the mention of terry's name, he knew exactly what Ste was talking about. There was no other reason they would bring the man up.

Brendan swallowed.

'Why?'

Ste shrugged. Trying not to become to affected by the memory of his beatings.

'Takes the pain off in a way. I'm focussing on getting that right. Shoving the pain out of my head.'

Brendan didn't know what to say. What to do. How to react. He knew he should change the subject. His best option right now.

'Well, if you ever call yourself stupid again Stephen...' _What? You'll slap him?_ Brendan thought. Nope that wasn't right. That was the wrong thing to say in this moment. He didn't need to think of a cover up though. The start of his sentence had Ste chuckling to himself.

Proud that he had made him feel better, he returned to his homework. Trigonometry. It was impossible, and Brendan couldn't find help with it anywhere. Well of course there was other people in his class. But recently, he had been spending a lot more time with Ste. They would often just come to the field when it was a decent enough day. They were walking home and to school together. Would sit together at the pier. The only time they weren't together was at school, and Brendan could tell that his friends were becoming increasingly annoyed at Brendan ditching them for someone who he had 'basically known an hour'. Pete's words. But Brendan didn't seem to care. He found it oddly calming spending time with Ste, and he wasn't going to give that up for anything. But he understood where his friends were coming from. And made a pact with himself, that he would try not to neglect them so much.

He looked at his homework one more time and figured there was noway he was going to figure it out. Not now at at least. When he looked up again, Ste had started circling again. Brendan shook his head smiling.

'What are you doing?' He asked.

'Infininity.' What the hell was that?

Brendan scrunched his eyebrows and studied Ste's movements closely. He knew what he was doing, and it damn sure was 'infininity', whatever the hell that was.

'You mean infinity?'

Ste blushed softly and nodded.

'Why?' Brendan asked.

Ste stopped his movements and raised an eye towards Brendan.

'Are you serious?' He asked.

Brendan tried his hardest to keep a poker face.

'I'm always serious Stephen.' Ste laughed.

'It means forever or summit dunt it? And this is our field right?'

Brendan's heart warmed slightly at this statement. But he managed to keep up his façade none the less.

'And how do you work that one out Stephen?' He asked.

'Well, we come here all the time right. Just us, no one else is ever here. So It's kind of like our field ain't it? Like when you said the alley was yours, now _this_ is yours. Well ours but, you know, there the same thing. Kind of-'

'Alright.' Brendan said through a chuckle.

'Join me?' Ste asked.

Was that a serious question. Did he really think Brendan was going to join him running around in a ridiculous figure of eight? No chance, Brendan would prefer to sit in the shade, migraine forming from the damned question in his maths book. Ste noticed the look on Brendan's face.

'What? It's symbolic. Double infinity. And it means It's ours. Not just mine...' He smiled towards the end. Knowing he had Brendan on his side.

_Symbolic. Ours._ They were what did it. Ste thought it was Brendan need to always have power, but that was only half of it. Less. He got up reluctantly, although inside he was smiling.

'Fine.' He said as if bored.

Ste knew him to well by the point. He smiled and carried on. Brendan started his figure of eight. Overlapping Ste's when they joined. At first he felt ridiculous. This as childish. Not something Brendan would do, certainly not in front of Pete, or Mal. But eventually he started to speed up and he found a smile form at his mouth. It soon turned into a grin, and before he knew it he was letting out a loud laugh and speeding up. Ste was enjoying himself a lot more now that Brendan had joined in. He too was laughing. A loud, dopey, donkey laugh that many would find incessant and annoying. Brendan found it endearing and captivating.

He started to slow down when the circling had become to much and his head was now spinning along with the rest of him. He fell onto the ground, flat on his back looking up at the cloud. Ste did the same.

Ste was still in a fit of laughter and Brendan found himself just listening to that ridiculous laugh until he calmed.

'You know there's always a story to tell in the clouds. That's what Cheryl says.'

'Yeah well that's Cheryl for you. Why? What are you seeing right now?'

Ste paused, 'I haven't got a story right now. But I think that cloud looks like a snake.'

He pointed it out to demonstrate what he meant. Brendan looked and worked out what looked like a snake curling on itself to move across. He moved his eyes in the direction the snake appeared to be going.

'I see it.' Brendan said softly.

The snake was moving across the sky slowly, meeting obstacles in it's way. Twisting it's self. Turning it's self. Brendan found himself weirdly fascinated by it. If Ste was talking next to him, he wasn't listening. He was purely focused on the snake in the sky. It twisted it's self one more time, and Brendan swore he saw it curve into a sideways figure of eight. He couldn't be sure though, because Ste's hand had moved down so it's knuckles brushed against Brendan's. Brendan looked away from the sky and at Ste. He was still staring at the sky.

Brendan opened up his fingers to Ste's and their fingers intertwined, still knuckle to knuckle. When Brendan looked back into the sky, the clouds had formed completely different shapes entirely.

**Present day...**

Ste step back. The memory of the field fresh in his mind. His eyes found Brendan's tattoo again, through the thick chest hairs, he could make out the scales of a snakes. He had an infinity sign, in the style of a snake tattooed on him. There was noway this was a coincidence. This was a deliberate thing. Brendan had gone to get his specific tattoo inked onto him. The only question in Ste's mind now, was why?

And that look Brendan gave him when he said it wasn't complete. Ste interpreted that as: 'That's because I am not complete.'

But that was stupid. Cliché. A thought that wouldn't cross Brendan's mind.

Ste took a seat on Brendan's bed. Brendan stayed standing. He was studying Ste with concern.

'Stephen...'

And there it was. _Stephen._ That beautiful drawl of his first name, coming from this man's lips. Ste hadn't realised how much he had missed hearing it from day to day. When it was said playfully, in anger, in pain, amicably, patronizingly. However it was said. Ste had bloody well missed it. The way it had always rolled of his tongue in ease. The way it had warmed Ste in times of comfort, like a song with a beautiful melody.

He looked up into those deep blues. Their eyes had always been such a contrast and yet so similar. Ste's being a piercing bright blue. As light as the sky, but as strong as the ocean. Brendan's always a fierce dark blue. As dark as the ocean, but as bright as the sky.

'Are you okay?' Brendan asked.

That was a joke right? He wasn't seriously asking Ste if he was okay and not knowing the answer. If he couldn't figure it out from there past, he could at least see the change in Ste right now. Ste was in shock. He was sat in Brendan Brady's bedroom, on his bed. As an adult. He never thought he would see this day. Ever. But to admit the truth, would be to say that in all the fantasies he had had about being in Brendan's bedroom as an adult. It had been under different circumstances.

He was a roller coaster of emotions. A mix of positive and negative whichever way you looked at it.

Ste never thought he would see this man again and that thought broke his heart every damned day. Until one day, he had given himself some tough love. Told himself to suck it up and move on. And that's exactly what he had done. And now this. Being locked in a room against his will with Brendan Brady.

So no, he was not okay.

To Ste disbelief. And long nights from now bashing his head against the wall, he realised he had just said all that aloud. He looked at the shock on Brendan's face. Brendan was stunned from words and Ste knew it.

He wished he could go back in time to avoid the now awkward silence that had lengthened between them.

Ste averted his gaze and kept it on his restless hands. Fiddled with his sleeves as something to do. Anything to keep him from looking into those, now full with emotion, blue eyes.

He could hear Brendan above him, shuffling on his feet. Ste figured he was trying to think of something to say or thinking of his next move very carefully. Ste understood this, because depending on what happened next between then. It could become sufficiently more awkward.

In the end Brendan made his way to bed and sat down beside Ste, keeping distance between them. Ste figured it was more for Ste's sake then his.

They continued to stay in silence and from his peripheral vision, Ste could see Brendan doing up his shirt.

Thank god!

Ste found it considerably easier to look at Brendan now without the risk of loosing eye contact or drooling.

Brendan moved back on his bed and leaned his back against the head board. Ste felt more uncomfortable on the edge of the bed, so he slipped his shoes off and sat – cross legged – at the foot of the bed. He looked at Brendan to find him looking back.

Now what?

They were stuck locked away in this room until Cheryl and Lynsey came back. Maybe even after that. Maybe they were already back. Maybe they had never left.

Ste stopped his thought before his head started to hurt.

Knowing Cheryl, and her schemes, she wouldn't be back for awhile. She would leave a long enough time for the two to 'talk'.

But they weren't doing much of that right now. In fact they were sat in an even more uncomfortable silence than before. Ste didn't think he could take this any more. It was becoming excruciating, and despite his best attempts to avoid looking at Brendan, he could feel the other man's eyes boring into him, creating a void in his soul to try and suss out his every thought and feeling.

Ste was starting to become sweaty under the pressure.

'So...' he started, but nothing else seemed to form in his head.

Brendan cocked a brow. God, had Ste missed that.

'Um... have you been well?'

Ste cringed. Have you been well? How formal did that sound? To formal for Ste, in fact, he had never been formal in his life and didn't plan to start.

He looked up to find Brendan trying his hardest not to laugh, but apparently the look on Ste's face made that increasingly hard and he burst in a fit of laughter.

It irritated Ste at first, but Brendan's laugh had changed. It had become a deep throaty one. Full of light and humour. And Ste wouldn't lie, it had become _very_ sexy.

Ste found himself smiling too until it turned into a laugh at how funny Brendan had found what he said. It was pretty funny and so unlike Ste, he understood where the laughter was coming from. When Ste started to laugh, a laugh which unfortunately hadn't changed, Brendan however stopped. He look deep into Ste's eyes now. His glazed with memories and things turned hostile again.

Brendan wiped a tear that had escaped in his laughter and calmed.

'I think we need to talk.'


	5. Chapter 2

_**I'm not doing so well with updates i know. Been complicated couple of weeks but i promise, but everything is looking up right now so i will try and be more frequent. If i confused anyone with the last chapter i'm sorry. The original first three chapters are now the prologue and the story is starting from Ste walking into Brendan's room. Throughout the story there will be flashbacks to explain how they got where they are and everything that's happened. Hope i have cleared up any questions.**_

**_As always your reviews are so lovely, so keep them coming._**

**_Enjoy..._**

**7 years ago...**

Ste walked down the street, not a care in the world. He shouldn't have today, he was feeling better than ever. He had his fingers in the pocket of his trackies, on his right side, his fingers were fingering the smooth surface of the piece of paper he had shoved in there. On his left he kept his fingers encased around his phone. Just in case a certain someone decided to call as they had promised to. Little did they know, Ste wasn't waiting however long it would take him to get his ass out of bed and call, not now. He needed to see him, and that's what he planned on doing.

He walked the familiar path to Brendan's house, detouring through the alley where they had first met.

When he rounded to corner of the street he lived on, Ste saw Cheryl and Lynsey coming out of the Brady house.

'Cheryl. Lyns.' He shouted running further towards them.

They stopped walking, and waited until Ste was next to them.

'Hiya love.' Cheryl said, not looking like her peachy self.

'Hi.' Ste said, not quite sure whether to pick up on this fact or not.

'What are you doing here?' She asked.

'Came to see Brendan didn't I?' Ste sad, not able to refrain the smile that had picked up on his lips.

Cheryl's face wavered. There was shock there and tears were forming in her eyes. Lynsey looked sad.

'What?' Ste said. Unsure on their reaction.

Cheryl seemed to upset to be able to explain anything.

'You don't know?' Lynsey asked. Genuine curiosity and confusion.

'Don't know what?' Ste said, an unsure smile on his face, to show that he wasn't concerned by this conversation. When in actuality he was screaming inside for them to spill.

'Brendan's gone.'

Ste sighed in relief. They had shit him up for a second. He had thought something was wrong with Brendan by the look on Cheryl's face.

'Oh,right. Well where's he gone?'

Lynsey face was full of pity and Ste was starting to become agitated.

'Ste-' Lynsey began. But Ste had had enough with the games these two seemed to be playing. He just wanted to find Brendan so they could spend time together. And as much as he loved the two girls stood infront of him, they were annoying the hell out of him right now.

'No, Lynsey right. I don't understand. Just tell me where he is-'

'He's gone Ste!' Cheryl burst out. 'Not gone as if 'gone to the shops'. _Gone. _He's left Ireland. And In all honestly, I don't think he plans to come back!'

Cheryl shut her mouth after her out burst. Realising her words, the way she had said them, and the effect they will no doubt have on Ste.

He felt tears prickling at his eyes, and a lump in his throat. He was stunned.

'But...' He tried, but had to clear his throat several times before he felt he could speak audibly. 'But yesterday... last night. He was, we... He cant just be gone?'

He tried a shaky laugh thinking maybe it was possible this was a prank. A horrible, cruel prank. He wanted to believe that, but deep down he knew that if they wanted to play a prank on Ste, they would go far out. Be as cruel as possible. But never in a million years would they use Brendan against him like that.

'Ste, I'm sorry. I would've thought he would've told you. He left this morning.' She pulled him in for a hug, and after a second of deliberating what to do, Lynsey joined

Through a lot of strength, Ste managed to hold back his tears. Proving increasingly difficult through the hug.

'You want to join us? We're going shopping...' Cheryl said, a hopeful look on her face. She knew that Ste liked shopping with the two of them. But now he wasn't in the mood.

He stifled a smile and shook his head.

'Probably just gonna go home now, me.'

They nodded and turned. Cheryl turned a look of concern on her face. Ste knew she was fighting between the urge of carrying on. Or turning around to comfort Ste.

He nodded in encouragement. A nod that said, carry on. I'll be fine.

She did.

Once they were both out of sight, Ste blinked letting a single tear roll down his face. His hands were still in his pocket and they scrunched up the piece of paper. Now, no longer smooth. But crumpled, he pulled it out of his pocket. He stared at it, not realising he had started crying until tears started to fall on the paper, forming a puddle of their own. Much like the ones surrounding Ste at that very moment.

At first when he had heard Cheryl's words, he had thought it was his fault. Brendan had left because of him.

But that didn't explain this note. Didn't explain these words that had a strange effect on Ste. Making him want to keep a piece of paper. Treasure it. A damn piece of paper.

But reading it back... it was all lies. Brendan didn't mean even half of what he had said. If he did he would never have left. Or he would've told Ste. At least, explained.

But clearly everything they had been through in the past 6 years meant little to Brendan. A lot less than they had meant to Ste.

Maybe they had meant nothing at all...

**Present day...**

'I think we need to talk.'

Ste nodded, and waited for Brendan to continue.

He didn't.

'Um...'

'I'm sorry.'

Ste stared at him in disbelief. I'm sorry? _I'm sorry._

Was he kidding?

'You think that's going to make it all better Bren? Really?'

Brendan breath hitched at the use of his old nickname. He had heard it several times since he had last seen Ste of course. But never like that, in that accent. It felt as if it was a new name. A name he had been longing to hear. Or maybe it was just the voice that had said the name.

'Look, Stephen.' It had the same effect on Ste. 'I don't know how to... I was never-'

'-Good with words?' Ste said with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. 'Yeah, I know that. Instead you preferred to leave notes. Am I right?'

That stung. Brendan didn't know how to react, or what to say. So instead he sat in silence. This only caused Ste to become a whole lot more pissed off.

Brendan wanted to talk, and yet no words were coming out. He wanted to work things out, and all he had achieved was making a pissed of Ste, fucking fuming.

Ste huffed, preparing.

'It's not even that you left a note right. It's that you just left, after everything you just left. Without even explaining anything to me. I thought we had got past everything, all that shit we went through them 6 years. I thought, I don't know, call it wishful thinking, but I thought that night we had found a common ground. We were able to actually talk, explain things to each other.'

'Ste-'

'No Brendan! Right, if you had just _explained!_ If you had to leave, you had to leave. You know I would have supported you. But you just left me, you didn't trust me enough to even tell me.'

Ste took a breath. Deliberated his next move.

'Instead you left this.'

He pulled out his wallet and took out the crumpled, stained piece of paper he had kept for 7 years.

Brendan stared at Ste. He cleared his throat before talking.

'You, um... you kept it?'

Ste laughed, without joy or humour. Just a dry laugh.

'Forgive me, but knowing everything you had ever said to me was bullshit. I felt the need to keep something, even if this note was bullshit too-' he held it up, so Brendan could see. The were edges worn away. A sign that it had been repeatedly read. '-these were the words I always hung on to.'

Ste dropped the note on the bed in the middle of both men. They stared down at it, and Brendan's hand found it's way towards it. He picked it up and looked down to see his own writing staring up at him. Words that were never a lie, never bullshit.

**7 years ago...**

Brendan sat on the edge of the bed and stared down at Ste peacefully sleeping. He always looked at peace when he was sleeping. That mouth shut for once. Brendan chuckled at the thought of his incessant talking. Not that he didn't like it, it was the total opposite. But Brendan liked this side of Ste to. The peaceful side, the side not so full of sass.

He moved the fringe that had fallen in his eyes out of the way and thought about the first time he had ever done this. They had come along way since then. And since then Brendan found he had done this action a lot more, sometimes Ste was concious.

He stood and dressed, reluctant to go home now. Not now that he had finally discovered himself, and after everything he had put Ste through he didn't want to just leave, and leave Ste with those same questions about what Brendan really wanted. That if Brendan searched deep down, what was it that he would find.

The truth is, Brendan himself never knew. But he did now and it wasn't going to let it get away. Not if Brendan had anything to say about it.

He searched Ste's room. He found a scrap of paper and pulled out a pen.

_**Stephen,**_

_**I'm not leaving you okay? But I think it's better for both of us if nobody finds us in that situation. I mean it could bring up all sorts of questions.**_

_**Thank you. Not just for forgiving me but for being there even when I haven't deserved it. It means a whole lot more to me then you will ever know. I know what I want now. It took me long enough, but I want you. I need you. I love you.**_

_**I will call you tomorrow so I can tell you that in person. Face to face. No matter what happens, last night will forever be the most incredible and meaningful night of my life. **_

_**BB **_

Brendan read it back and cringed. This was so not him, he meant every word and it came from his heart, but he felt weird leaving this. He knew it was the type of thing Ste would want though. The type of thing he would appreciate. And if they knew each other as well as Brendan hoped, Ste would know how hard it was for Brendan to write that and leave it. Making him appreciate it that little bit more.

He left it underneath Ste's phone on the bedside table knowing that Ste would see it when he reached for his phone.

He crept through Ste's council flat grateful for his hopeless parents for once, knowing they wouldn't be back for ages.

While he made his way home he couldn't help smiling. He had reason to now. Brendan knew it wasn't just as easy as this, but it was a start. A beginning and they could work through everything together. That's what he was looking forward to.

He turned the key in the door and walked inside. He dropped his bag and coat and made his way to the stairs careful not to make any noise. He froze on the first step when a light flicked on in the living room. He turned towards the source of the light.

'Dad...'

**Present day...**

'You kept this?' Brendan repeated.

'I-'

Ste had got everything out and now there was nothing left to say. The sass had left and he felt empty. He had shown the one person he never wanted to see his weakness.

'Yes.'

Brendan passed it back and Ste neatly folded it up and put it back into his wallet, returning that to his back pocket.

'Stephen, I know it's not going to change me leaving you like that. But I really am sorry. Believe me when I say the last thing I ever- would ever want is to hurt you.'

Ste snorted and stood up from the bed.

'If you want us to work things out. Then tell me, at least tell me why you left like that.'

Brendan stayed silent, just staring at Ste. Staring into him. Ste started to become sweaty under the scrutiny.

'I had to get out of there.'

Ste shook his head. He should've expected no less. Did he honestly expect a straight answer? If Brendan wasn't willing to explain anything to him back then, why would he now. He didn't owe Ste anything. He might owe Ste an explanation in Ste's eyes, but certainly not in his.

Ste was kidding himself.

'I heard. That's all Cheryl ever said. Well that's fine. We can just sit here in silence until your sister gets back, because to be completely honest with you right, I don't want to here any more of your excuses.'

He sat down on a chair that was conveniently in the corner of the room, and started to fiddle with the cuff of his sleeves.

He hadn't noticed that Brendan had left his bed and made his way towards Ste.

'Stand up.'

Despite all the feelings he was having towards Brendan right now, he obliged.

'I just want you to _talk to me._ Like we used to. Why can't you even do that?'

Brendan looked at him. He wanted him to understand more than anything, but he was ashamed to tell him everything. He didn't want Ste to think of him as a freak after he found out everything. And sure enough, if Brendan explained his reason for leaving, he would have to explain everything. And however much he had loved Ste in the past. Whatever remaining feelings he still had for him. That was just something he was not willing to do.

'Is it not enough to just say I had to leave.'

Ste shook his head.

'No. Imagine if it was you.' He would be heartbroken. 'You'd want an explanation. Even after all these years anyone would. So now, I want an explanation. Why did leave?'

Brendan turned around when Ste's hand lightly pressed against his cheek. He walked to the other side of the room and tried to compose the new emotions that gentle touch had surfaced.

'I can't Steven.'

'Oh, for sucks sake Brendan!'

Brendan turned.

'I can't tell you! You can't force it out of me and I'm not going to tell you! There were things I never told you. Things back then that I just can't tell you. I can't tell anyone.'

Ste was trying to hold back his anger and failing.

'You can't say that to me. I just want something, anything that will reassure me that I wasn't the reason you left.'

Brendan walked towards him slowly and reached out a hand, dropping it when it came within inches of his face.

'You spent all this time thinking you were the reason I left?' Ste nodded. 'It wasn't because of you. It was for me.'

They were silent for several seconds, and Brendan figured he wasn't going to get a reaction from his last words and went to sit on the bed again.

Ste stood where he was. Brendan wasn't going to tell him, he knew that much. And it wasn't so much that he felt he was owed anything any more. It was how much it was paining Brendan, that was surfacing his curiosity. It was Brendan's reaction.

He sat down next to Brendan on his bed.

'So your not going to tell me. What else is new?' Ste said. He meant it in a joke way to lighten the mood. Their 'fight' had worn them both out and if Brendan was planning on sticking around, they may as well try to work things out.

Brendan looked at him, not wanting to start an argument again. But willing to if need be. He was surprised to see a smile on Ste's face. He chuckle gruffly.

'You know me Steven.'

Ste nodded. He took a deep breathe and a cloud appeared to have lifted.

'So...' Brendan looked at him. 'Your in Hollyoaks?'

'Yepp!'

Ste made himself comfortable on the bed again. Taking the space that Brendan had previously vacated.

'Why?'

'Well it's good to see you again too.'

Ste laughed.

'Not what I meant.'

Brendan smiled.

'I know. I fancied a change of scenery, Cheryl said she had a spare room. So here I am.'

'Always with the change of scenery.'

Brendan sighed.

'I guess so. And I also own half of Cheryl's club.'

Ste was shocked.

'Hows that?'

'Well, she needed the money. I gave it her.'

'Right.' Ste said bewildered. 'How long are you here for?'

'I plan on staying a while.'

Ste looked up at the tone in Brendan's voice. More suggestive than seductive, but it managed to do the trick. Ste was enticed. Of course he knew he shouldn't be having these feelings. Maybe shouldn't even be falling for Brendan's bull again. But he had missed this so much. He had missed his eyes, his charm, his voice, his smile, his body. Let's just face it, Ste missed the hell out of Brendan Brady.

Brendan was sat up straight and Ste straightened up to, he found himself edging towards Brendan inch by inch. When they met in the middle he realised how much easier it was with Brendan doing the exact same thing.

Brendan's hand found it's way to Ste's face. But Ste pushed it away. There was no point in denying the inevitable. They were both horny for each other. They had both missed this, what's the point in delaying this?

Ste pressed his lips upon Brendan's and felt Brendan's body leaning back under the force. Brendan gripped Ste's arms and swayed a little, balancing them, before pushing Ste down onto the bed. And finding home inbetween Ste's open legs. Ste's mouth opened up and Brendan's tongue went in.

It felt so right. The way their tongues moved together in fluid motions. Massaging the other in sorts. Brendan stroked the hair on Ste's face as the kissing continued, intensifying. He moved his hand down Ste's body, down his neck, across his chest, caressing his torso, until he hit home and cupped his crotch.

Ste froze. He pushed Brendan back and he sat back on his heels.

Ste sat up and tried to tidy himself up. What the hell had he been thinking. This was wrong.

'Stephen. I'm sorry. I just- I didn't think.'

Ste shook his head.

'No, no. it wasn't just you. I wanted this too.'

Brendan was confused.

'Well, what's the problem then?'

Ste sighed.

'I'm not single.'

Brendan stayed silent. Question in his eyes.

'I'm married.' He held up his left hand, pointing his forth finger forwards.

Both heads turned towards the door as Cheryl bound through.

A man with brown sandy hair, bushy eyebrows and slightly resembling Ste stood a far distance behind her next to Lynsey turned around with a look of betrayal on his face.


	6. Chapter 3

_**Next update. I said i'd get better with my updates, but i have a lot of free time on my hands right now and y'all have Hollie to thank for this. Carrying on from where we left of, nothing more to say except thank you for the reviews. They do actually help to get updates more frequent so thanks. And keep them coming with thoughts on where i am taking you with this story. Editing has been rushed cos i have a deadline to get this up today but wanted it updated, so all mistakes will be re-checked tomorrow.**_

**_Enjoy..._**

Brendan sat in the island of to the side of Cheryl's kitchen. Cheryl was sat opposite him, Ste and Doug were round the corner from them.

'Brendan! Are you even listening to me?

In all honestly, no Brendan wasn't listening to a single fucking word that she was saying. All he could think about was those dreaded two words he had heard 10 minutes ago. _I'm married._ Married? He was married.

Brendan couldn't believe it. He wasn't sure how he had missed the ring on his finger, he had spent a good amount of time looking down at his hands because he had been playing with them. Brendan knew that was a nervous tick Ste had and it reminded him of how they were all those years ago. So he wasn't sure how he managed to miss it. Unless he was choosing not to see it, his mind blocked it out because it wasn't an image he wanted to see. Ever.

'What?' he looked up from his mug of tea.

'Brendan, what was the first question I asked you when you said you wanted to come here?'

Brendan wasn't in the mood for a quiz, he wanted to sort out all the questions buzzing around in his head.

'I don't know sis, what was the first question you asked me?'

'I asked about Ste. I asked you if you were still hooked on him after all these years.'

Brendan looked at her expectantly. Where was this going?

'And what did you say?' Brendan shrugged. 'You said, you'd gotten over him years ago. But you wanted a change of scenery and you wanted to spend time with your little sis. You told me that you hadn't thought of Ste like that for a while.'

Brendan took a sip of his tea and waited for her to carry on.

'But I know you Bren, you never really got over how things ended with you and Ste and until you had at least talked things through, you were never going to get your life back on track.'

Brendan looked up now, putting down his cup.

'I believed you when you said you wouldn't try anything, but I also knew how hard it would be for you, for both of you to see each other everyday.'

'Is that why you locked us in my room?'

Cheryl chuckled and blushed.

'Yes, but I just wanted you two to talk. Not, well I don't even want to think about where that would've lead if I hadn't walked in.'

Brendan shook his head. She was having a go at him for what had just happened between him and Ste and yet it was her own plan that had caused it. If she had given Brendan some warning at least, maybe he would've known not to stick his tongue down Ste's throat!

'How was I supposed to know Chez? I haven't seen him for seven years. How am I supposed to know whether the guy is taken or not.'

Cheryl sighed ad rubbed his arm.

'But who's fault is that, love?'

It stung. He stood up, abandoning his drink and walked over to the fridge for something a little stronger, he got a glass and some whiskey and poured himself a drink. He leant against the counter and took a sip.

'Brendan, you can't fuck with his head like this. Not again. Not after last time-'

'You think I want to hurt him again! You think I'm deliberately trying to fuck with the boys head!?' He shouted, knowing full well that Doug and Ste in the other room could not only hear, but now see Brendan. He didn't care.

'I'm not saying that. But you kissed him-'

'He kissed me back! It wasn't one sided Cheryl! I thought it was what he wanted, what we both wanted...'

Cheryl looked shocked, but she was staring passed Brendan. He turned around to find a small bushy eyebrow man standing before him.

'Are you trying to say my husband doesn't love me?' He asked, his voice shaking with defiance and emotion. He has a thick American accent and Brendan didn't like him.

He could tell he was trying to stand up for himself, but compared to Brendan's intimidating act it was a pathetic effort. Brendan looked behind him to Ste. He was avoiding eye contact with anyone, staring at the floor. And he looked ashamed. That stung.

'I don't recall saying those words...'

'Doug. Doug Carter.'

Brendan nodded. He knew the boys name. Hell, he would've preferred it if he didn't.

'Good to know.' Brendan said, his voice full of sarcasm.

They was an awkward silence that settled between the four of them. No one seemed to want to be the first to move or talk. No one seemed to really know what to say to make this situation comfortable.

'It's there return party tonight, Bren.' Cheryl piped up, unsure on whether or not this was the right thing she should be saying right now.

'Your still having one...' Brendan mumbled into his glass, sure that no one had heard.

Unfortunately the yank had.

'Of, course. We have just come back from our honeymoon and Cheryl wants to throw us a party. Why wouldn't we have one?'

Brendan looked at him defiantly and thought about his answer. This boy didn't intimidate him, but he had Ste. He had the one thing in the world Brendan had truly missed and wanted.

'Well, you did just catch me and your beloved in a stage of... undress...' Brendan said, seeing his words hit Douglas' face with the right impact. His face paled.

'That was nothing.' he said, more to convince himself than anyone else. 'Ste and I have spoken about it and it was a mistake. It was just old feelings...'

Brendan raised his eyebrows. How did that make it any better?

'How is any better if it was old feelings? Just means they are old feelings that still linger-'

'Brendan!' Ste broke through in a stern voice, and that stopped Brendan from his self satisfying speech prepared in his head to say to Doug to make him feel belittled.

'Ste loves me, and I love him. So yes, we are still having our party. Cheryl, come to the deli later and we can talk through arrangements.'

They each hugged Cheryl in turn and headed towards the door. Ste stopped just before he walked out and turned his head.

'Do you want to come?' he asked. It sounded forced, but as if it was something, he wanted, or more, _had_ to do. Doug stared at him in disbelief but didn't make a sound.

'I don't think you want me there Stephen, but thanks.' he turned away and emptied the rest of his drink down the sink. And leant against it.

When he didn't hear the door close he turned back around to find Ste stood in the same place.

'I don't mind. You can come if you want to.'

Brendan nodded and Ste walked out, closing the door behind him.

'Are you going to go?' Cheryl asked, pouring her own drink down the sink after having left it sitting.

'I don't know Chez. I don't know if that's such a good idea.'

Cheryl made herself another cup of tea and one for Lynsey who was coming down the stairs after having a shower. She passed the mug to Lynsey and they stood together sipping their drinks and looking at Brendan in equal curiosity.

After a while it was becoming unbearable.

'What?'

They finally moved into action, pulling Brendan over to the sofas and sitting down next to him. One either side.

'Are you okay Brendan?' Lynsey asked.

'Yes, I am fine Lyns.' he said. The repetition of this question was becoming tedious.

'Are you going to go to the party?'

Brendan shook his head and sighed.

'I don't know.' he settled back into the sofa. 'Do you really think it is such a good idea if I do?'

Both girls looked at each other questions in their eyes and then looked back at Brendan.

'I think...' Lynsey started, not knowing where her sentence was leading.

'You won't know until you try. I think maybe you need to, so you can talk. And this time I mean _actually_ talk Brendan!'

He chuckled and Cheryl and Lynsey joined in, until they were all laughing.

'I've missed you girls. Come here.'

He pulled them into a hug, to which they came without a second thought. They sat there a couple of minuets in an embrace, making up for lost time. And even if Lynsey wasn't family by blood, over the years she had become part of the family. She had become like a little sister to Brendan and he felt kind of protection over her that he felt for Cheryl.

'If you weren't gay Brendan. You know you'd have the girls all over you!'

Cheryl cringed and she stood.

'Right, I'm off to plan a party. Lyns you coming?'

She nodded and stood up. They dropped their empty mugs in the sink and grabbed their coats.

'Make yourself useful for the next couple of hours Bren.'

He stood up himself and put on his own coat and held the door open for them.

'Are you coming?'

They made their way through the door.

'Where are you going to go?' Cheryl asked.

'I'm going to check out my club.'

Brendan stood, leaning on the frame of the door to the office in the club. He liked to think of it as his office now. He looked out across the people in his club. Several people were out on the dance floor, dancing. Downstairs Brendan knew people were doing the same. In the corner was Ste, he was surrounded by people all sat on white couches. Brendan tried to make it look as if he was cruising the talent in the club. If there was anyone who took his fancy. And yes, Brendan had found some talent. He was looking at it.

However many good looking lads in the club there were right now, none of them came close to taking his eyes of Ste.

Ste looked up from all the beaming face, all the congratulating faces. He had giving many 'Thank yous' to people congratulating him on his wedding. And a lot of 'It's good to be backs' and 'I'm going to miss the weather's' to people saying they were glad he was back and asking him about his honeymoon.

But truth be told, he had felt funny all day. Ever since he had left Cheryl's house. And things had been frosty between him and Doug ever since they left. They would put up a false bravado when people were around, but when they were alone together, neither spoke to the other.

Doug was angry for what he had seen and for the fact that even after that Ste had still invited Brendan. Not that Brendan was a problem, standing on the opposite side of the room.

Ste felt terrible for what had happened and didn't want to open his mouth in case he said the wrong thing and just made thing worst. The problem was, he wasn't sure whether he felt terrible for doing it, or whether it was because he had been caught and not allowed to carry on.

He looked up at Brendan to find him looking around the room, cruising the different guys and Ste couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy. He knew that Brendan was cruising and looking for somebody new to take home. Because he knew that face.

**10 years ago...**

Ste, Cheryl and Lynsey sneaked into the house through the big crowd they had found outside. They had tried to get invited by Brendan, but he said no one would want kids at their party and he wasn't willing to ask.

He also knew that if they were rejected, the three would try to get in anyway and everyone would point the finger at Brendan. So they had had to find their own way in.

They figured if they waited long enough everyone would be too pissed faced to even notice them, but they waiting outside for a crowd big enough the blend in with so as not to risk getting a door slammed in their face.

'This is so _cool!_' Cheryl said to them both as they made their way through the house.

It turns out they weren't the only 'kids' who had the idea of sneaking in. here was a range of ages, from 14 to 18. An odd crowd. But nobody seemed to really care, everyone had their friends and they were sticking with them.

'I'm going to go find Brendan.' Ste said heading off.

'Okay. But remember he's with his friends Ste. I don't think he wants be seen with us.'

Ste shrugged off the comment.

'We're friends Cheryl.'

'Yeah, I know babe. But, just don't be upset if he doesn't exactly give you a friendly 'hello'.'

Ste rolled his eyes and walked off in the opposite direction to the girls. He looked through the crowds, but It was a squeeze. There were people getting off _everywhere_. In the hall, on the stairs, on the landing. He walked in the front room and looked around. He didn't see anyone he knew except Malachy, who was talking to a girl who looked like she was on the verge of killing her self. She was bored to death.

Ste chuckled.

Mal noticed him and called his name.

'Ste! What are you _doing _here.'

He rolled his eyes.

'It's a party.'

Now it was Mal's turn to roll his eyes.

'Yes. But _you _weren't invited... and neither were they.'

Malachy paled and he stood up and hurried out murmuring a 'oh lord' when Cheryl noticed him and dragged Lynsey after her to chase after him.

Ste carried on into the next room, with no luck. He made his way to the kitchen and found Brendan, in his direct eye line on the opposite side of the room. He was looking around the everyone in the room. Ste could tell he was checking out the talent, seeing who he was planning on 'pulling'. It would've been creepy if Brendan's presence wasn't so enticing.

Brendan's eyes locked on Ste's and he looked surprised, but quickly shielded his face again. Ste walked up to him, took his drink out of his hand and took a sip. There was a wide range of drink there. The table in the kitchen held snacks. Nothing to heavy. It had soft drink and the stronger spirits such as vodka, whiskey, rum.

Ste winced and blinked as the amber liquid hit his throat. It was his first alcoholic drink and he didn't understand how people can drink it without a reaction.

'To young kid.' Brendan said, still looking out across the kitchen as if he owned the place.

'Maybe. Or maybe Whiskey just isn't my think. More of a vodka person me.' He poured himself the tiniest bit into a plastic cup.

He took a sip and had the same reaction, if not more because the previous sensation had not yet left. Brendan chuckled beside him.

'Of course you are.' he said.

Ste put the cup back down on the table and picked up a handle of crisps and leant against the counter beside Brendan.

'So, you see anyone you like?' he asked casually.

Brendan looked at him sideways, and looked back out again.

'I might.'

'Well who is he?' Ste asked.

He felt Brendan tense beside him. Looked down to see his fingers flexing into fists and out again. He looked into the face of the boy before him, and anger lined it. A vain on his forehead popped out. He looked scary, but Ste was used to it. He had said that to challenge Brendan.

'Something wrong?' he said.

'I was just. Hmm... I was just wondering why you would assume I'm checking out the guys.' he said and Ste could see the tick going off in his cheek.

Ste could usually calm Brendan down, despite being younger and a hell of a lot smaller. But he was a lot more rattled now.

'Well after yesterday. I just assumed guys were your thing now.'

He only wanted Brendan to admit it. Not become angry. So he wasn't prepared when Brendan fisted his t-shirt and pinned him against the counter. His face right up in Ste's, breathe hitting Ste's face within seconds.

'I'm not queer Steven. What happened yesterday... I'm not queer.'

Ste placed an arm on Brendan's and tried to sooth him. Brendan let him for a second before he remembered where they were. He shrugged Ste's hand of and pushed him back into the counter. He smoothed out Ste's ruffled top, a mannerism that had only just formed, the angrier Brendan got with Ste.

'I'm not queer...' he whispered, the crowd now disappearing. Noting that a fight wasn't about to break out.

Ste shook his head. It was the same argument they had been having, and he was getting tired of it.

'Your fucking unbelievable Brendan!'

And he stormed of up the stairs.

Brendan stayed where he was for a couple of seconds after Ste had stormed off. He usually kept his anger vented up until he was alone with Ste, and then he would let it out to him in tears, while Ste's small frame would hold him while he shook until it was all out. And then they would get on with their day and act as if it had never happened. That's how it always happened.

But Ste accused him of being gay, and best friend or not. Brendan had learnt not to let anyone but his dad get away with that.

He had poured himself several drinks since Ste stormed off. And he was becoming drunk and enjoying himself less. He needed to find Ste.

He walked through the house. Room to room, rolled his eyes at the constant 'display of affection' everywhere he looked.

After searching downstairs. He took the stairs and went to into each room trying to find Ste. He walked in on several people in awkward situations (awkward with Brendan having just walked in) but he didn't care much. He was too drunk, and to focused on his task.

When he got to the stairs up another floor he ascended. And went into the first room. He found Ste. But he wasn't alone, he was kissing some hoe, a year older than him!

'Steven.' he said, keeping his cool.

'Brendan I'm a little busy right now.'

'This will only take a second.'

Ste nodded, but he was reluctant to let the girl go, it was his first party and he didn't know how these things worked. He wasn't sure whether she was going to go downstairs and find someone else who was half decent enough and start getting off with him (likely). But he valued his friendship with Brendan, so she left and they were left alone.

'So what do you want.'

'Sorry.'

Ste stood there. He knew Brendan was sorry.

'...For my outburst, I didn't... are you hurt?'

Ste could hear the slur in his words, but decided he could move past this.

'I'm fine.'

Brendan stepped forward closing the distance between them, and circled his arms around Ste. He let himself be held, but he didn't hug him back. Through the years Ste had learnt that Brendan stayed sweeter when he meant his apology, and to mean it, he had to work for the forgiveness.

He pulled away but still held Ste. He was swaying now so Ste helped him sit down against the wall and he sat down next to him.

'I really am sorry Steven.' he entwined their fingers together, it was something they did. Nothing romantic about it. 'If I hurt you... it's the last thing I want to do...' he was becoming sleepy now. Ste could tell. 'Your the person I don't ever want to hurt.' he chuckled. 'Except Cheryl. She can be scary.'

Ste smiled.

'But your the one person I don't want to ever leave me. And I'll never leave you okay?' hid eyes shut and his breathing became heavier.

Ste nodded knowing couldn't see, but it was a silent promise. He leant forwards and pressed his lips against Brendan's and ready to pull away when he felt those soft lips kissing him back. Ste smiled into the kiss, thinking _finally_ he was getting what he wanted. And the feelings he had been having were being confirmed.

Ste hadn't even realised he had been pushed away until his elbow hit the floor. Next he felt an impact to his cheek and started his eight times table expecting the next blow to be coming any minute. But it was different this time. The scent was different, this scent was one he often smelt when he felt safe. Not when he was scared.

He opened his eyes to find Brendan standing above him. Shock on his face.

Brendan felt sick at what he had just done. He had become the one man he truly despised, he had become his father. And to the one person he had sworn to protect, and planned to stand by. Even if no one but him knew this.

'Steven...' he tried to reach down to comfort him, but he cringed and pulled away.

Brendan felt his stomach churn.

'Ste-'

'Get the fuck away from me!' Ste shouted through tears. 'Sort yourself out Brendan right.' he said, and he left without looking back.

**Present day...**

Brendan looked back across to Ste after glancing around, only to find him staring right back. As soon as they made eye contact, Ste looked away and headed towards the bar for more drinks. Brendan downed his and walked across the room towards the bar like a predator after their pray.

He placed his drink down on the bar, his chest close to Ste's back. But not close enough to touch. His arm, lightly brushing Ste's.

He leaned in close and whispered in Ste's ear.

'I think we need to talk.'

Ste shivered.

'Last time we 'talked', there wasn't much talking involved.' he replied, not turning his head.

'There was a fair amount.' Brendan said in a soft voice.

'Not enough though.'

Brendan considered this and then picked up his glass, now full.

'Well maybe we should talk some more.' he said. He walked towards the fire escape and held it open for a stock still Ste. 'Are you coming?'

Ste looked back at his party of guests and then to Brendan. He took what seemed like an eternity before he picked up his drink and walked through the door.


	7. Chapter 4

_**Next chapter. Not to sure with this one. My heart wasn't really in it until half way through and then i zoned out again. I'm not really sure myself but yeah, there's Stug in this chapter because y'all love your flashback and i like writing them. I feel like i write Doug as if i have hate for him. I don't, it's just how i see him in this, at least from Brendan's eyes.**_

_**Question at the moment is if people are going to carry on writing fics. I'd like to think that i am, i am definately going to finish this one if i can because i have enjoyed writing it and it means alot that you've all enjoyed reading it. I will carry on reading them too. My other long term fic i am stuck on and not really sure where i was going with it, so that has a question mark over whether i'm going to finish that one. At the moment am just focusing on this one. Y'all know Editing is my least favourite thing. so any mistakes that i have missed, let me know!**_

_**Again, thankyou for the reviews. They honestly make my day and i am so glad you like this fic. Keep them coming:-]**_

**_Enjoy..._**

Ste stepped out onto the balcony, overlooking part of the village. He walked past Brendan without looking at him, tried his hardest to not touch him and went to the steps. He sat down on the top step and leaned his head against the railing.

Brendan stayed where he was, holding the door open for a second longer than needed before he let the door fall shut and walked over to Ste. He stayed stood up because he wasn't sure whether Ste would react to him sitting next to him on the steps. There wasn't much room there and it could become intimate.

'Tough night?' he asked and the winced at the cringe cliché he had created by saying those two words.

Ste looked up at him and arched an eyebrow, Brendan chuckled and shrugged and sat down next to him.

'You could say that.'

Brendan took a sip from his drink.

'I thought this was supposed to be the happiest time of your life...?'

Ste looked at him again with a raised eyebrow. They both knew that Brendan was the worst person for small talk, he never had been nor would he ever be one for small talk. But he wanted to talk to Ste right now. Without the added complications. With out the lust, without the anger, without the hatred and the guilt and the jealousy. He just wanted them to talk, like they used to.

'Shut up Brendan.' Ste said with a smile.

He didn't mean it to hurt Brendan or make things awkward. He meant it as a joke, because he knows Brendan better than anyone, even now, and he know just how uncomfortable this forced conversation was.

Brendan smiled and took a sip again.

'Steven I'm sorry.' he said.

Ste took a sip from his beer.

'Me too.'

Brendan looked at him sideways.

'What are you sorry for?'

'You were right, it was two sided that kiss. It's unfair if I blame it all on you.' he sighed. 'I can't blame all my problems on you any more can I?'

Brendan chuckled gruffly.

'I didn't know you blamed me for everything anyway.'

Ste put his hand up to show a small distance between his thumb and index finger.

'Just a little bit' he said. A wink in his eye without actually winking.

Brendan laughed until he noticed the ring on his finger. It sent fresh internal wounds through him. Caused him the type of pain he didn't know was possible. And from a piece of jewellery as well. He felt a sense of betrayal, but not from Ste. Never from Ste, but from himself for fucking everything up so royally all those years ago. For fucking up the one chance he had to have the happiness he thought he once deserved. When he was happy being alone in that field with Ste, the kind of happiness he felt then.

Ste noticed where his gaze had averted to. He, not so subtly, tried to hide his hand from Brendan's view.

'So,' Brendan prepared himself. 'Married.' he breathed.

'Married.' Ste said through a breathy laugh.

'How's married life treating you?'

'It was alright.' Brendan nodded and looked away. 'Until you turned up.'

'The two of you looked pretty cosy in that corner.' Brendan said through gritted teeth.

'He won't talk to me since, well earlier this evening. And to be honest I don't really blame him.'

'I'm sorry if I have fucked things up for you Steven.'

In that moment Brendan felt the need to apologise for all his mistakes, everything he had ever done wrong to Ste. To take it all back so they could get to a place of civility. If they had to see each other everyday, it may as well be bare able.

'And I'm sorry for kissing you earlier-' Ste started to protest but Brendan cut him off. 'No, no Steven please. You may have wanted it, just a little bit but I provoked it. I provoked you. I'm sorry for being a dick to your Douglas...' he took a deep breathe. 'I'm sorry for leaving you all those years ago. I mean it, I am so sorry for leaving and leaving you nothing but that pathetic excuse of a letter and...and for everything I _did._'

Ste looked at him, eyes glistening with fresh tears. But none of them shed.

'I'm just... I'm just _sorry._'

Ste just stared at him for a while. He didn't make any reaction as if to say anything in reply, not that Brendan expected anything but he started to worry. He had meant all that as a peace between them. Not that it was enough. Nothing would ever be enough for what he put Ste through.

'Your never going to tell me why are you?' he asked.

It's not what he was expecting but it was better than nothing.

'Maybe. One day.'

Ste laughed.

'But not today right?'

'No. Not today.'

Ste leant his head against the railing again, took a sip of his drink and Brendan just watched him. He really was beautiful, even more now than before. He had changed, he wasn't the little scally that used to be Brendan's best friend. He had matured. He no longer that fringe that covered his eyes when he slept, it was had been flicked back into a quiff. It showed his face and Brendan couldn't help but admire it in this light. With a new light.

His skin was still lightly tanned, eyes still a sparkling blue and lips still as full and pouty as ever.

Brendan met Stes eyes and found that he didn't feel embarrassed he had just been caught eyeing the boy.

'So where does this leave us?'

Brendan thought about it. Of course he wanted Ste back. He'd be kidding himself if he said he didn't, but he knew that option was no longer on the table, what with Ste being married. But he was back in his life again and he wasn't quite ready to let him go again yet.

'I think we can attempt some sort of friendship?' Brendan replied hopefully.

Ste nodded and thought it over.

'I think we might be able to do that. We managed it before didn't we?'

Brendan smiled.

'We certainly did.'

Brendan finished of his drink at the same time as Ste. Ste stood up and headed back to the to the club. He turned around when he got the door.

'We can have a catch up coffee tomorrow right? You could check out my deli...'

Brendan stood up.

'You have a deli?'

Ste chest puffed out a little and his grin spred across his face.

'Yep.'

Brendan felt proud. Proud for Ste.

'Well, I'll come round tomorrow. Then we can catch up.'

Ste nodded, pleased with ow everything had gone and went back inside. When the door closed again Brendan sat down on the step again and nursed the ice in the glass. Enjoying the sound of the ice against glass.

XOXO

Ste and Doug had been in the deli for 45 minutes already. Neither one had said a word to each other since the got there. Ste had tried to put the radio on to dull out the awkwardness, but Doug had snapped at him to keep the noise down.

'It's not my fault you've got a hangover.' Ste had snapped back.

'Yeah, it might not be your fault. But your not making it any easier for me.'

Ste huffed and didn't retaliate. He carried on making sandwiches while Doug tried his best to wrap paninis in his state.

'Can you pass me the knife?' Ste asked as politely as he could.

Doug was leant against the counter, elbows on it and head in his hands. Ste asked again a little louder and a lot less polite. He still didn't reply so Ste nudged and shouted 'Doug!'

'What?' he said snapping his head up.

'Knife. Please.'

He passed the knife reluctantly.

'You just needed to as, no need shout. God Ste, have you not listened to me at all this morning?' he pointed to his head, indicated his hangover and Ste rolled his eyes.

He tried to continue spreading butter on a piece of bread but found he was to riled up to do it professional so he slammed the knife down on the counter and turned to look at Doug.

'Ste-'

'No, listen right Doug. This is getting ridiculous!'

'What's ridiculous is me finding you with your ex!'

Ste shook his head. This was the same conversation they'd had at Cheryl's only a lot more heated.

'Doug, you said you were okay about that right. You said it was fine. If it wasn't, you should've told me, instead of pretending.' Doug continued to hold his head. 'Doug, I am sorry that you found me like that. I am sorry that things have been ruined between us when we have only just come back, I-'

'But not sorry that it happened.' Doug interrupted.

Ste looked at him shocked. He didn't know what to say, because he didn't want to lie to Doug. He loved Doug even if now everything was messed up. He didn't want to hurt Doug at all. And Ste knew by staying silent would end in Doug being hurt. He knew his face was giving him away and he knew Doug could probably see the clogs turning inside Ste's head.

He heard the bell go off to the door.

Saved by the bell.

How cliché.

They both looked up before Ste had time to reply and saw Brendan's tall, masculine frame walking towards them both.

'Oh, great.' Doug muttered beside Ste and he nudged him.

Doug glared at Ste.

'Nice place.' Brendan said looking around.

Ste walked around the counter to stand in front of Brendan.

'Yeah, It's not much but we did all ourselves didn't we Doug?'

He turns around to Doug and he just shrugs, then turns around to got out the bread from the oven.

Ste rolls his eyes and turns back to Brendan. Despite it all, Ste has never been prouder of anything in his life and he wants to share that wherever he goes. Brendan's compliment swelled his pride and he didn't care his he showed it. But clearly Doug was still in a mood.

'Trouble in paradise?' Brendan says in a low voice so that Doug doesn't hear.

Ste sighed.

'Nothing new.' he says.

Brendan studies him for a second.

'Maybe I should...'

'No!' Ste says quickly. 'No, no it's fine. Just maybe come back later?' Brendan nods. 'I get a break at half 12. come back then?'

He nods again, and adds a warm smile to it and then heads out.

Ste turns back to Doug. The look on his face tells Ste all he needs to know and they don't speak for the rest of the day.

XOXO

'So, Douglas...' Brendan starts as he sits down on the sofa with his coffee hot in his hands.

He didn't need the coffee to warm him because when Ste sat down next to him he instantly felt warmed. He put his arm across the back of the sofa as he felt comfortable. Ste settled into him, although he was at a distance, and neither was physically touching.

Ste smiled at the smugness in Brendan face when he said Doug's name.

'He's alright. He is, it's just. He understands this.' Brendan looked at him with questioning eyes. 'Like, he understands us right.'

Brendan didn't understand what Ste was trying to say, so he went forward with another question.

'So how did you and Douglas meet?'

Ste blows on his coffee, and takes a sip but it's still scolding and he burns his tongue.

'Well that's kind of what I mean. We met because of you.'

**3 years ago...**

Ste packed his bags, crammed everything in as tightly as he possibly could. He had finally reached the age were he could travel by himself, finally reached the age where he had enough money to travel by himself.

He picked up both bags and walked out of his bedroom. His mum was sat in front of the TV with a vodka bottle in her hands. She was gripping it so tight as if it was all that was keeping her sane right now.

Terry was gone, as soon as Brendan had left Ste felt the need to toughen up. Brendan was gone now, the one safety Ste had was gone and he no longer felt safe. He toughened himself up for 6 months and he came home to find his mum cowering in the corner of the room, gripping a smashed bottle to her. Blood pouring from her fresh would and a bruise forming at her eye.

Ste ran to her side.

'Mum?'

She looked dazed, staring at the kitchen in fear. Eyes wide and screaming but not saying anything. Ste had looked in the direction her eyes were taking to find Terry sat at the kitchen table, head slumped unconscious. Ste knew he was drugged up, high, drunk. He had become used to over the years. The beatings becoming less frequent or not as violent because he no longer had the energy. He was wasting away his body.

Ste kicked his chair and he fell to the floor. It woke him up at least.

'What the fuck do you think your doing you little shit!' He screamed, trying to stand up and intimidate Ste. He was failing.

Ste pushed him at his shoulder and he stumbled on his feet.

'I'm the little shit?' he said. 'Have you hit my mum?'

Terry didn't answer, he was to bust focusing on staying up straight.

'Answer me!' Ste screamed.

'She's a waste of space piece of shit.' he said. He had fear in his eyes though. Something Ste had never been able to conjure up before.

'I could dealing with you slapping me about.' Ste had said, throwing the chair out of his way so there was no obstructions from him getting to Terry. 'I had got used to that right.' he could feel the rage growing inside him. 'I was okay with it as long as you kept your hands the _fuck_ of my mum!'

Grabbed Terry's t-shirt in his fist. Terry was struggling to stand his ground, he knew that a few years before he could've easily had Ste whimpering on the floor by now, but not any more.

'Why, do you... care?' he breathed, struggling to formulate words. 'She's s-shit to... you.'

Ste had thought about it. Yes, it's true she was shit. But she was his mother. She had looked after him. She was messed up as fuck, but she was his mum and she wouldn't ever wish pain on anybody. Least of all his own mother.

'She's my mother!' He said, spraying spit in his face and he felt satisfaction, relief, he felt a breathe let out that he had been holding in for the past 9 years as his fist hit his face, with such force Ste didn't even now he had contained.

He hit and he hit and he hit. For all the times Terry had abused him. All the pain he had cause him emotionally, physically and mentally. For hitting his mother and for just being a waste of space piece of shit.

He stopped when he felt a hand on his shoulder, his mum's voice sterner than it should be for the state Ste had found her in saying 'Steven.'

He let go of Terry's t-shirt and he fell to the floor, gabbing his voice his mouth opening in silent cries. Ste bent down and moved his hands away so he looked in Ste's face when he said,

'Now piss the fuck off! And don't even _think_ about coming back. Your to weak now, old man.'

He led his mum into the front room and he sat with her crying in his arms. He felt the need to protect her, but he also felt the need to let her know that nothing had changed.

'I don't forgive you mum. Right, I love you because I have to. I protected you because I should. But I will never forgive you.'

She nodded and sobbed into his shoulder and he let her. When Terry found the strength he finally left them. For good. And Ste left his mum to drown her sorrows on the sofa.

He told himself that once he could, he would leave this place of all it's memories. All the shit. And all the pain.

He worked at it for 2 and a half years until he finally worked up enough money and he was finally leaving. He knew where he was planning to go. He was going to follow the Brady family, because despite however much he tried to hide it. Brendan was still on his mind.

Cheryl had left with her Mum and Dad a year after Brendan had left and Ste felt more alone than ever. Lynsey had Pete, and though they had tried to make time fore each other. Lynsey wasn't willing to be part of the darkness Ste had descended into and Ste wasn't willing to leave it.

He figured if he followed Cheryl, he could rekindle their friendship. Feel part of something again. And he was hoping she had had contact from Brendan and could tell Ste where he was.

He got a taxi to the ferry port and he had to admit. He was scared shitless. He was truly along, but it was physically now. When for the past years he had felt emotionally alone, emotionally damaged.

He sat by the window, nursing a coffee the whole journey. Never taking a sip. He was a ball of nerves and when he started to see land he started feeling sick. What was he doing? He didn't know what he was doing. He didn't know where he was going. Where was this Hollyoaks place? He wasn't thinking logically now and he was panicking.

He left the boat and went to the nearest cafe, thinking maybe some food would make a difference. It didn't. He sat in his chair staring down at his food, not eating it.

He jumped when he heard a friendly voice in his ears.

'Are you okay?' It wasn't an accent Ste was used to but he knew the accent. This man was American.

'What's it to you?' Ste snapped. He didn't mean to be rude, but he was running out of money. He was lost. And he was on the verge of tears. He had been stupid. Reckless.

To Ste's surprise the man chuckled.

'It's nice to meet you too.' he said taking a seat opposite Ste.

'I'm Doug. Doug Carter.' he said formally.

'Ste.' Ste mumbled, breaking of the edge of his sandwich and putting it in his mouth.

He regretted it immediately. It went down like sandpaper. No flavours reaching him, and Ste felt more sick.

'You were on the ferry from Dublin right?' he said, helping himself to Ste's sandwich.

'Oi, that's mine that is!' Ste said, finally coming to life.

'Well you didn't look like you were going to eat it.' Doug replied, unsure, but he stood his ground. Ste liked him.

'So you stalking me or...'

He chuckled again and Ste noticed he had a nice smile. _Compare that to Brendan's and it's nothing._ Ste felt fresh tears as the image of Brendan came into view in his mind. He shook it away and focused on the man before him.

'No, I was watching you on the ferry. I mean, I wasn't watching. I um... you looked lonely.'

Ste avoided the comment and thought of one of his own.

'Your not from Dublin...'

'Neither are you.' he stated raising his ridiculously fluffy eyebrows. It wasn't funny but Ste found himself chuckling.

'I'm lost.' he confessed. 'I'm meant to be going to Hollyoaks. But I don't have a fucking clue where it is right.'

Doug stood up and put down some money on the table.

'Well your in luck. I too am on my way to Hollyoaks. We can share a cab?' Ste deliberated it for a while. Then stood up and walked out of the cafe with Doug.

'I don't need your charity.' he said as they waiting at the side of the road for a taxi.

'I hoping we can help each other out. I want to make a good impression.' A taxi pulled up and Doug got in first, pulling his bags in after him. 'How am I doing so far.'

Ste struggled with Doug's help to push his bags into the taxi and he suddenly felt so worn out. He felt the need to just let everything out. Everything he'd be holding back for himself. Everything he had been feeling since Brendan left, he just wanted it out in the open. Maybe then, if Cheryl didn't know where Brendan was, maybe then he could move on.

'Can we help each other out?' Doug asked and Ste got in the cab.

'Depends how good at listening you are.' and he shut the door.

**Present day...**

'...and then I told him everything. About you leaving, about how we were.'

Brendan tensed at the thought of Steven sharing such intimate things.

'Don't worry. Nothing like that.' Ste said a glint in his eye.

'Well if you ask me, he sounds like a prat.'

Ste snorted with laughter, spraying cake everywhere. And Brendan just took in the sound. Smiling at the way Ste tried to muffle it but failed.

'Brendan!' he said with a playful slap.

Brendan joined in the joking but then he became serious.

'I didn't know I had fucked you up so much.' Ste gasped and winced at the harsh words.

'You never fucked me up Bren. You just fucked with me head.'

Brendan shook his head.

'Steven, what you did to Terry. That's not you. I caused that. I should've been there. I should've been able to protect your innocence. It was cruel of me.'

'You can't be my protector forever Brendan. There were times when you were the one who needed to be protected.'

Brendan looked at Ste. He really _looked. _Not admiring his beauty. Not trying to entice him, but he looked his eyes and he saw the years of pain, confusion he had caused him. This suddenly felt like the wrong place the be having this conversation. To public and not nearly intimate enough.

'I'm sorry that I put you through all that.'

Ste held his gaze for a moment longer and then he looked away. He took a sip of his drink and ended up finishing it. He finished his cake to then stood up and put on his coat. Brendan stayed sat. what was happened, had Brendan said something wrong.

'You need to stop apologising Brendan.' he said. 'You coming?'

And there was no question about it. Brendan was following him!


	8. Chapter 5

_**So i wasn't going to update for awhile after my last update purely because i was to drained. That's me saying i am gutted with everything that happened to Stendan. But some of you have got very persuasive ways (you know who you are) so i have been up all night writing this and i might get some more done today.**_

_**It's angsty, it's fluff?(maybe not) &it's rated M.**_

_**Some of you are wanting a flashback of their first kiss, i tried to fit it in this one, but i couldn't find the right place, so it is coming up. Just bare with me. As always reviews are Fab. I really do take everything you say in so keep them coming.**_

_**Enjoy...**_

They had been walking around the village for about half an hour before they finally settled onto some steps in the skate park. Brendan had made himself comfortable, spreading his legs wide and his arms across the step above. Ste couldn't help but notice how he managed to dominate everywhere without even trying. He did so little and still managed to be centre of every bodies attention.

'...And Cheryl found herself a new man dint she.' He said.

Some things never changed. And Ste certainly hadn't when it came to talking. Brendan had said about three words in the past half an hour, but he didn't mind it. In fact, hearing Ste's voice, again like this. It soothed him. At odd things Brendan would chuckle, he would interject when needed. But he listened to every single word Ste said. Taking it in and keeping it there.

'Hmm...' Brendan said. He had heard about Cheryl's new fella from Cheryl.

'Do you not like him?' Ste said.

'I haven't met him yet.' Brendan said, leaning his head back and taking in the sun.

'Well don't be to hard on him. He's proper decent.'

Brendan chuckled lightly.

'What makes you think I would be hard on him Steven?' Brendan asked.

Ste shrugged, 'Your her big brother aren't you? And I know you Bren. You can be a right dick without even trying.'

Brendan snorted. 'Thanks.'

'You know what I mean.'

They fell into the silence that they had both missed. That silence that wasn't awkward and wasn't uncomfortable. The silence that was just, _them._ Ste leant his back against the higher step, but he didn't make himself as spread out as Brendan. That would just look weird. He sat comfortably however and reminisced on how much like old times this was. Where they would just sit and be themselves without the added pressure of having to impress each other, or the fear of being judged.

'I've missed this.' Ste said simply. He didn't look at Brendan, he could sense the smile forming at his lips.

'Ye. Ye me too.' Brendan replied and Ste's lips picked up into a smile.

Ste looked down at his phone to check the time.

'Shit!'

Brendan sat up slowly and looked at him with concern.

'What?' he asked.

'The deli.' Ste said, standing up. 'I totally forgot about it dint I? I've left Doug there for ages, he's gonna be mad.'

He hurried of in the direction of the deli, Brendan not far behind him. They walked back to the deli in silence, and when they reached it the paused for a second.

'I think this friend thing could work.'

Brendan tried his hardest to not show how that had stung. Of course, he wants a friendship with Ste again, the past hour had proved that much, but at this point Brendan was positive he wanted something more.

He looked in the window of the deli and saw Doug serving a customer. They might be going through problems now, but they were married. They were married for a reason, not just for the sake of it, and Brendan wasn't willing to destroy Ste's happiness for his own personal gain. If friends is as far as they went Brendan was fine with that. If it took being friends to not be awkward around each other and be able to pass each other with a hi in the streets, not an awkward glance. It was worth it.

He had been good at keeping up a poker face when needed so he didn't have a problem replying.

'Ye, ye I think we can.'

Ste studied Brendan. There was clearly something wrong, he knew that much. But he had discovered that Brendan was coated with all these secrets and lies now. Ste had once thought Brendan was the most open person he had ever know. To him anyway. Brendan would tell Ste things without the fear of being judged. But he had been holding on to something for all these years that he wasn't even willing to share with Ste now. So why should Ste pry into one little flicker of emotion, that could quite possibly of been a trick of the mind.

'Well... good.' he said smiling.

Brendan smiled back. 'Good.'

Ste hesitated longer than needed. He smiled again.

'Good.' he said again and Brendan laughed.

'Ye already said that.'

Ste blushed.

'Right, yeah course.' He turned around. 'So I'll see you later then?'

Brendan nodded and Ste entered his deli.

Brendan watched as he threw his coat onto one of the sofa and Doug looked up to glare at him. He watched as Ste made his way around the counter, put on his apron and got to work. He watched as he said something to Doug, to which Doug appeared not to reply. Only to snap something right back seconds later. He watched Ste roll his eyes and then look up at the window at Brendan.

Brendan smiled and Ste smiled right back.

Doug glared.

Brendan was going to have to fix that somehow.

He made his way to the club, and found Cheryl stood at the bar talking to four other people. Two men, two women. All of them young, one of the women had dark brown hair, the other blonde.

One of the men had ashy brown hair, the other blonde.

'Bren!' Cheryl exclaimed and walked over to him dragging him to the bar and placed him in front of the four faces behind it.

They looked at him with caution, but none of them said a thing.

'This is Kevin, Jacqui, Ashleigh and Rhys. I guess you must have met yesterday. But not properly.'

He looked across each of them. The blonde haired boy, Kevin, was looking at him with what? Interest? His gaze averted quickly when Brendan studied him closer. The dark haired women, Jacqui and the ashy haired bloke, Rhys, were stood close, and Brendan could see his arm snaked around her back, no doubt his hand was placed on her bum. He looked up at his face and cocked an eyebrow.

They not so subtly parted and Brendan carried on to the last employee. Ashleigh. She didn't seem phased by Brendan's scrutinising. In fact, she embraced it and gave him a smile with raised eyebrows.

He liked her.

He nodded at them all and turned to go into his office, but he could feel eyes boring into him. He turned as he close the door of the office just in time to catch Kevin quickly looking away.

Interesting.

Brendan had nothing but paperwork to do, and in all honesty he didn't feel much like doing that. He rested back in his chair, feet on the desk and closed his eyes. Not long after he had finally found a way out of his restless state and into comfort, the door burst open. He was ready to mouth of at one of his employees, but to his surprise Cheryl was there.

She closed the door and sat down on the sofa, the other side of the room.

'You okay Bren?'

He thought about it, was he okay? He had come back into the lives of all the people he loved most in the world, ready to get his life back on track and... they had all moved on with their lives. Cheryl had a committed relationship, she had business (granted, half of it was Brendan's). And Steven, well Steven was just as perfect as ever only now. Now he was married. Brendan still couldn't get his head around it.

'Yeah.' He replied. 'Yeah, I'm fine.'

She laughs.

'Still getting used to it all eh?' she says and she has a look to her, a look that means she is up to something, or she's about to ask something.

'What?' Brendan asks cautiously.

'We could have a party? So you can get to know folk-'

He shakes his head cutting her off. A party? Is she serious? She knows that isn't his thing, the fact that she even asked is ridiculous.

'Chez. You know that's not me.'

She frowned.

'Ow, but please Bren. You can get to know people. Start to feel more comfortable?'

He shook his head again.

'It's not going to happen. And why would I even want to get to know people. I got everyone around here that I need. I got you, Lyns... Steven.'

She looked at him with pitying eyes. He wished she wouldn't do that.

'Babe, you know Ste's moved on. He's got Doug now...' she trailed off.

Brendan fought the urge to roll his eyes.

'Chez, it's fine. I'm going to sort it. Me and Steven, we're just friends.' He swallowed the lump that had formed. 'I'll sort things out with that yank of his.'

Cheryl rolled her eyes. 'He's not that bad Bren.'

'I'm sure he's not...' He said through gritted teeth.

She stood up and made her way to open the door when she stopped.

'How about just a few of us.'

She had a pleading in her voice that had Brendan considering it. God, he was a sucker when it came to Cheryl and she knew it.

'Who did you have in mind?'

'Well, just you me Lyns, Ste and Doug maybe?' she looked for his approval and he hesitated slightly before nodding. 'and Nate...'

He looked up at her and could see she really wanted this. She wanted Brendan to get to know Nate, this wasn't about him coming back into their lives and he couldn't help but smile.

'Okay. But no one else!'

She squealed and ran around the desk to hug him.

'I'll go tell Nate, then invite the boys.'

'No!' Brendan cried before he even knew the words were out of his mouth. She turned slowly and looked at him with questioning eyes. 'I just mean I can invite them. Should probably sort things out between us all before tonight right?'

It made sense in his head. It would be a _long_ night if they had to put up with the happy couples pretences. And the death stares Doug was headed Brendan's way were becoming increasingly tedious at the moment. Of course, it was as good excuse as any to see Ste again. He knew that, and he would be lucky if Cheryl didn't. But of course she did.

Fortunately for him she didn't say anything.

'Yeah okay love. Say around seven-ish?' Brendan nodded and she left.

He had become giddy now. Giddy? What? Brendan laughed. He didn't do giddy. But the truth of it was, he was giddy. He got on with some paperwork, hoping he could procrastinate enough to give him time to think about how he was going to act. The fact that they were having problems just lifted the smile on Brendan's face. He frowned. Doug made Ste happy, he didn't want to wish misery on the boy.

He left his paper work on the table, because it wasn't getting done. He walked out the fire escape and down the steps to the deli. He was feeling confident after this afternoon. It would be the first conversation they would have as official 'friends'. Brendan was being pathetic not. He was hoping it would be easy.

He walked in and made his way towards the counter. He stopped for brief second seeing Ste and Doug laughing in the kitchen. He watched Doug lean in for a kiss and Ste willingly plant one on his mouth while holding a coffee for the customer he was serving. He walked out from the kitchen. The smile faltered from his face for a second, but he managed to regain it with ease.

'Brendan!' he said and handed the women her coffee. She took it and gave him her money.

'Steven.' he took it and smiled her off. She left.

'Three times in one day.' Ste said. Brendan smiled but his heart wasn't in it.

He could see Doug in the kitchen looking at him with caution. Twit.

He shook himself out of this funk. Ste was happy. Brendan just had to face that now, Ste was happy after recovering from everything Brendan had done.

He smiled his most convincing smile and it worked. Ste's wary smile faded and big grin spread across his face. Brendan took a breathe.

'Cheryl wants to throw a party. It's more of a gathering really, and she says it's for my benefit but-' he's rambling. 'You are invited.'

'Yeah. That would be cool.' he says.

Doug's glaring but he was trying to make it subtle. Brendan can't help but chuckle and he sees laughter in Ste's eyes.

'Your invited to Douglas.' Doug tries to act as if he was innocently making a coffee.

'What? I wasn't even listening to what you were saying.'

Brendan looks across at Ste with a smirk as if to say. _Seriously? This guy?_

He smiles a sympathetic smile back saying, _Give 'im a chance._

Brendan shrugs and looks back at Doug who's coming to stand next to Ste.

'Cheryl's throwing a 'party' and you two are invited.' Brendan says bluntly.

'Well that's... nice.' he says as if someone is forcing him. Charming.

'It's at seven.' Brendan says and Ste nods.

'We'll be there.'

Doug takes Ste's hand and kisses him, Brendan's sure he hears him mumble_ if we're not busy that is._ He rolls his eyes, Ste blushes and Brendan looks at him for abit too long.

He clears his throat and they break away.

'I see you managed to work things out.'

'There was never anything wrong.' Doug says with defiance.

Brendan looks across at Ste then looks back at Doug.

'Good. Good I'm glad, I never meant to come between the two of you.' He says and Doug frowns.

'What would make you think that you would?' He asks.

Now it's Brendan's turn to frown. Is this man completely oblivious to the fact that yesterday he found his husband in bed with another man? Granted it could've been worse if Cheryl hadn't opened the door when she did, but it's not a sight to put a smile on anyone's face if they were in Doug's position.

'Look, just because of what happened yesterday...' He was becoming angry now, his face red. He tried to calm himself down. 'That was a mistake between the two of you, Ste admits it.' Ouch. 'And you might be back now, but _we're_ married. I know about your past and I know the past doesn't just leave. But I am the present okay.'

Brendan just stared for a second.

'Okay?'

'Okay.' Brendan said, feeling like a child being told of. He didn't understand why. He was the more intimidating of the two.

Doug looked satisfied but Brendan ignored it.

'Seven.' he said before nodding and leaving.

XOXO

Brendan was in torture. They had all been crammed around one table to eat, it would have been nice if he didn't have the constant display of Doug and Ste on his left. It was pleasant though.

They had moved the sofas afterwards. Cheryl and Nate comfortably perched together Lynsey next to them. Ste and Doug and chosen the other sofa, and Brendan had found himself sitting on the arm of it. To say this evening was supposed to be a 'welcome home' party for him. He had felt like an outcast the whole evening.

While they had spoken about the pointless drivel. Brendan had found himself leaning against the wall nursing a whiskey. Occasionally he would look across to find Ste smiling at him, he would smile back until he noticed his hands linked with Doug's and then he would take another sip.

Despite his sister high pitched drunken laugh, he found himself becoming calmer. He would laugh when Cheryl said something idiotic. He liked this Nate guy, at first he seemed like a posh twat, but Brendan had warmed to him. He could see how much he loved Cheryl purely because he looks at Steven in the same way. He was controlling her drinks, only everyone was a little tipsy right. Including Brendan.

'We should play a game.' Cheryl came out with.

'We're a little to old for games aren't we Chez?' Brendan asked and she just giggled.

'We're never to old for games.'

'I'm up for a game me!' Ste said. 'Proper buzzing right now, like. A game sounds proper good.' Cheryl smiled and gave Brendan a knowing look and he shrugged in defeat.

'Lyns, what was that game we played the other week? The one which got us really drunk? The one with the drinks...'

Brendan smiled.

'The one where you drink if you've done something. Or not done something...'

'The drinking game?' Lynsey asked?

'Yeah, yeah. That's the one. We used to play it when we were kids remember Bren?'

Brendan remembers very clearly.

'I remember that!' Ste says.

Ste's drunk. Brendan knows that much. But Brendan wonders whether he is remembering when they played it as clearly as him. He wonders whether he's remembering the same time.

'Chez, I'm sure we're told old for that. And your drunk enough as it is. Steven's on his way to becoming wasted-'

'Oi, I'm fine me!' He burps. Then giggles. Brendan tries to hide a smile.

'Bren! C'mon, I want some fun this evening. I'm sure you want the same?'

He looked around the room. Lynsey, Ste and Cheryl were all looking up at him hopefully. Doug and Nate were being the responsible adults, watching there better half's drinks. Oh, what the hell.

'Fine!' he headed to the kitchen to fetch the drinks. He passed them round and took his seat again.

They sat there for awhile and nobody said a thing.

'Alright, I'll start off.' Cheryl said. 'I have never... had sex in a public place.'

Oh, for Christ's sake. This was his baby sister. He did _not_ want to here any of this. He looked across at Steven and found him looking anywhere but Brendan, his neck growing redder.

Clearly Steven wasn't drunk enough to forget.

'Chez, maybe we can stay away from the sex ones. I mean your my sister.'

'I already know all your dirty secrets from when you were younger.' She winked at Ste. 'It doesn't bother me.'

Ste went redder and Doug let go off his hand.

'Ye, alright. But I don't really want to know what my little sister's been up to okay? Keep it clean.'

She laughed a big girly, drunken laugh and nods.

Doug goes next, and he looks determined.

'I have never...said I love you and been rejected.' Brendan looked at him curiously.

What was he up to. Why choose such a subjective question. And surely he should know what to expect by asking it If Ste had told him everything like he claimed to. Everyone was taken aback for a second, before Lynsey drank.

'Lynsey!?' Brendan, Cheryl and Ste said at the same time.

She laughed shyly. 'I told Pete first all those years ago.'

Cheryl's face became wide.

'_That's_ why you broke up!'

'Lynsey you should've told me. I would've knocked some sense into him.' Brendan chuckled.

Lynsey smiled at him.

'It's fine. I got my 'I love you' in the end.'

Brendan didn't have to look to know that Ste was staring at him. And he didn't have to look to know Doug was Staring at Ste. This was getting ridiculous.

Brendan was ready to take his go. At first he had been reluctant, but they were all going ahead with it now so he may as well just go along with it. And he remembered having fun when playing this game. Kind of. But in his peripheral vision he saw Ste raise his glass. He looked to the side and cocked an eyebrow.

'Ste?' Cheryl said. 'Who was the stupid fool who rejected you babe?' She asked.

Cheers Chez.

'It was our Brendan weren't it?' He said. He was smiling up at Brendan as if he was going to join in the joke.

But this wasn't funny to him. They had nearly destroyed everything that night. Brendan more than Ste of course, but he didn't want it made into jokes.

They all looked at Ste expectantly. Doug seemed to know this was coming, I guess he was wanting the full story. He wouldn't when he heard it. Even Nate seemed interested which was new. He didn't seem like the kind for gossip.

Ste was busy drinking more of his drink despite the fact they were meant to save it, so that they weren't so drunk they couldn't function.

'Oh.' He laughed. 'Right, the story.'

He looked up at Brendan, but this time he could see the pleading the look in his eyes.

'Don't look at me like that Brendan. Unlike you I don't like keeping secrets. We're surrounded by friends, you have nothing to be ashamed of.'

That was the problem. He did. And the problem with Ste was that he loved to use his mouth. He didn't care what words tumbled out. Usually Brendan found it endearing, but a drunken Steven Hay? Well that was when you found out what he really thinks about you.

**9 years ago...**

They were all sat on the pier, safely away from the edge like they would usually be sat. only now they were drinking. And that wasn't safe. Brendan had already jumped of it once, and it wasn't a nice experience for anyone but his dad!

They were a safe distance away under a lamp light up the pier. They were sat in a circle three bottles of vodka in the centre of it. Cheryl had begged if she could come with Ste and Lynsey, and truth be told they had become part of the gang now. The lads had excepted them with open arms. Everyone but Ste that is. They were all cool with him. We were all friends. But Brendan knew they still had their suspicions about him.

That worried Brendan.

'Okay. So what game?' Pete asked.

'I'm thinking spin the bottle.' Cian said.

'And the drinking game.' Cheryl piped up.

'Elaborate Chez.' Brendan said, playing a subtle foot war with Steven who was sat next to him.

'The one where you say something you haven't done-'

'Oi!' Brendan had just kicked Ste in the knee and he hadn't been expecting it. Brendan was competitive.

Brendan burst out laughing. He couldn't help it and everyone looked at them.

'Carry on Chez.' Brendan said, laughing at a now red Ste who was glaring him. He looked at him as if to say what? Ste tried his hardest to keep up his angry pretence but in the end gave in and nudged him.

'So you have to drink if what that person says doesn't apply to do. So if what they _haven't_ done, you have.'

Everyone in the group nodded and Pete looked mischievous.

'This night could get _very_ interesting.'

They started of with Cheryl's game. As promising as it had been, no one had found out anything they considered as juicy or something they didn't already know.

'It was a good idea Cheryl.' Malachy slurred. Turned out he wasn't such a saint and he had more drink than anyone. Cheryl beamed at the praise and Brendan and Ste rolled their eyes at each other. 'But maybe when you three have matured we'll get something a little more worth our while.'

Cheryl's smile faltered before it turned completely into a frown.

'Someone twat him for me.' Brendan said. Ste was sat next to him so he attempted.

Not nearly hard enough.

'I should've made it clear a scrawny kid like you won't do the job.' Brendan winked for Ste's eyes only.

'Oi!' Brendan leaned across Ste and hit Mal across the head. He heard Ste take a deep breathe in his ear.

He took his time straightening up. He didn't have to worry about anyone noticing this because Malachy had started shouting at Brendan, but everyone else took it upon themselves to tell him to shut up.

'Do I smell nice?' Brendan said, looking Ste in the eyes.

Ste's lips were lightly parted and he swallowed.

'Not bad.'

'Alright. Lets play spin the bottle.'

They broke eye contact and Brendan couldn't help feeling warmed inside. Well, alcohol had that effect on you.

'Rules!' Aidan said across everyone talking.

'You spin the bottle, like so.' Cian spun the bottle and it landed on Pete. 'Whoever it lands on, you kiss. Deeply, passionately.' He said and crawled across the circle to where Pete sat.

'I don't remember the deep and passionate bit.' Pete said as he approached.

'The newbies need to be shown a good time.' and he grabbed Pete and kissed him on the mouth.

It was not deep nor passionate, but everyone was clapping and whooping. Except Brendan. Ste had felt him tense next to him, but he didn't do, or say anything.

'Who's next?'

They had few rounds of this. It had landed on Pete and Lynsey and they had been hesitant at first, but once they got kissing. They didn't stop. Cheryl's landed on Brendan so they made a rule that if it ever landed on them two they could forfeit it for a truth.

After a few rounds it was Ste's turn again. It landed on Brendan.

Shit.

Everyone was whooping and jeering them on because they were all drunk and there had been plenty of man on man action. Even Cheryl and Lynsey had had a cheeky peck. No one cared. It was a bit of fun.

But Brendan couldn't kiss Ste not in front of everyone like this. That was something they didn't do in public. And barely ever in private. It wasn't just that Brendan was scared of what everyone might think, or that the thought of it makes him feel ill. He was scared that he wouldn't be able to stop and everyone would know his darkest secret.

'C'mon guys.' Cian said. 'Play the game.'

'I'm not kissing him.' Brendan mumbled.

'What?' several of them asked. Brendan looked up and the first face he saw was Steven's. He looked hurt. Brendan tried to make him understand with his eyes. Tried to make him think back on all the conversations they'd ever had. But he didn't seem to be getting it.

'Brendan mate, just do it and then we can move on with the game.'

Brendan looked at Pete.

'I'm not fucking kissing him!'

'Brendan, stop being a spoil sport.' Cheryl slurred.

'Yous can finish the game without me.' He took one last swig of the vodka and stood up. 'I'm out.'

He walked off down the pier. The floor was uneven under his feet and things were spinning. But he didn't care, he knew where he was going and once he was there he could rest. He thought back to what had just happened. Why did he have to make a scene? Maybe he should've just given Ste a quick peck and have it over and done with. Now what were people going to think?

Before he knew it he was at the fence. He climbed under, stumbling to the floor but he didn't feel it. He walked across the field to the tree. He was starting feel sick and half way towards the tree he heaved and threw up. Tears were sparking at his eyes and he was becoming frustrated with himself.

_'Don't be daddy's little girl all your life Brenda. One day you'll have to rid these emotions. The day that happens I'll call you a man... I'm not holding my breathe.'_

The voice came into his head and he dug his nails into his hands until he managed to blink the tears away. He straightened up and took out the water he had put in his bag to sober up Cheryl before she got home. He gargled it in his mouth a couple of times before it started to rid the stale, sour taste of vomit. He got out a chewing gum and chewed it until he could feel a minty freshness enter his mouth, then he spat it back out.

He made his way to the tree sipping on the remainder of the water. When it was finished he put a fresh chewing gum in. He now had no reminder of throwing up.

He sat down and stared at the stars. He had screwed up. Again. He had upset Steven and that was the last thing he wanted. One of these days he was going to take for granted how forgiving Ste was. One of these days he wasn't going to forgive him and he wasn't going to come back to him. Brendan didn't know what he would do when that day came.

Luckily today wasn't that day.

'Your a real prick you know that?' The soft came from above him and the small frame sat down and leaned into Brendan. They intertwined hands and sat in silence for a second.

'Steven-' Brendan began.

'I don't want to hear it Bren.' Steven said and Brendan sighed. 'It's the same thing everytime and I'm getting tired of it.'

Brendan took his hand out of the gentle grip and moved away.

'Why can't you just admit it?' Steven asked. He was staring at Brendan so intensely he didn't think he could take it. He stood up and started to pace.

'Because...' He tried but nothing came out. He felt the lump in his throat. _Don't be daddy's little girl all your life. _'Because my dad... because I just can't.'

Steven stood up and risked a step closer.

'Don't.' Brendan warned. 'I don't want to hurt you Steven.'

Steven inched closer and pressed his hand against Brendan's cheek, turning him to face him.

'You won't! Because your not your dad Brendan. Your nothing like him.'

Brendan's eyes were darting everywhere and he looked so small. So vulnerable. Every time Ste saw Brendan like this it broke his heart, because Ste knew despite the cool, cocky, confident act everyone else sees. This is what he's feeling half the time and he just saves it all for Ste. Ste has to be the one to save him.

'I wish I could believe you-'

'Then do!'

Brendan shook his head.

'But I hurt you. I hit you.'

Ste paused. He didn't know what to say back because it was true, but he knew that wasn't who Brendan was, or who he wanted to be. He did the only think he hoped would calm him. He pressed a kiss on Brendan's and put both hands on each side of his face. Brendan gripped his hips. He pulled Ste tighter to him and willingly opened his mouth. Ste's tongue snaked in and he could taste the mint from his chewing gum.

Brendan bit down on Ste's lip and then backed up against the tree. They broke away and Ste looked into Brendan's eyes. He wanted this. Ste knew he wanted this. He could see it in Brendan's eyes. But he was fighting against it.

He pulled Brendan in and hugged him.

Brendan held him tight and he knew he was doing the right thing.

He pulled back and was about to go back in, but there was still resilience there.

'Don't think, just feel.' he whispered and Brendan kissed him lightly.

He ran his hands through Brendan hair and he laughed as Brendan's stubble tickled him.

'You need a shave.'

'Hey you'll be lucky if you even start puberty at all.' Brendan said. The light back in his eyes.

Ste pulled him in for a kiss again. Brendan pressed himself against Ste, pushing Ste against the tree and he could feel the hardness in his trousers. He moved his hand from Brendan's hair and trailed it down his body. He cupped him through his jeans and waited for his reaction. He had frozen, but he didn't move away. Ste took this as a good sign and started to unzip his flies.

'No.' Brendan said and Ste stopped. _So close._

Instead Brendan cupped Ste, Ste gasped. Brendan looked at him for permission and Ste nodded. Brendan reached inside Ste's trackies and into his boxers. He was hard.

'It seems I was mistaken.' Brendan said. His voice heavy. 'Looks like. Correction: _feels_ like you went through puberty early.'

Ste blushes, but Brendan can't see in the darkness.

Brendan moves his fist slowly up and down Ste's shaft and he gasps, only nothing comes out because Brendan captured his mouth with his own. He presses hard kisses on Ste's lips and Ste is overwhelmed. Brendan starts planting kisses down Ste's jaw and rubs a thumb over the head of Ste's cock and he shivers.

Ste rests his head in Brendan neck and his breathing has started becoming heavier. Brendan carries on working kisses on Ste's neck while pumping him slowly. Ste's legs buck and Brendan speeds up. Ste holds Brendan closer to him, his hand around Brendan's neck. Brendan places his free hand around Ste's waist keeping him close. Even Brendan's breathing has become hurried.

Ste feels an immense pressure building inside him and he digs his hands into Brendan and kisses him.

'Brendan...' he mumbles against his lips and kisses him sweetly.

Brendan picks up his pace and the kiss becomes hard. Ste feel a tingling in every nerve cell and he buried his head in Brendans neck, bites down lightly as he comes in Brendan's hand.

His breathing calms down when he does. He's still clinging on to Brendan. And he's weak now. His legs feel like jelly.

'Brendan.' Brendan looks him in the eye. And he looks like he need reassurance that he did okay. 'That was the best hand job I've ever had.' Ste says.

Brendan beams at him takes his hand from his boxers.

'Brendan...' he says. Brendan looks at him, the cockiness back. 'I um...' Brendan tenses. Ste hopes his next words calm him. 'Brendan I love you.'

It quiet for a moment. Brendan doesn't move or say anything.

'Brenda-'

Brendan pushes away from the wall and looks at him in disgust. He wipes his hand on a tissue from his pocket and then throws it on the floor.

'Brendan?'

'Don't say that to me ever again.' he pauses. 'Filthy queer.'

Tears prick at Ste's eyes and he doesn't fight it when they start to roll down his face. He feels as if Brendan has just punched him in the gut. No rejection has ever felt as bad as this. Not after what they have just done.

'I'm the queer?' He says. 'I'm no the one who just jerked off another bloke.'

He's being stupid now, he knows what Brendan can be like, but he doesn't care. He's angry and he's upset.

Brendan rounds on him, pushes him against the tree so his back hits it with force. Ste winces. Brendan grips his face between his fingers.

'I'm not. Fucking. Queer.' he said. His eyes look wile in the moonlight and Ste was scared. But he couldn't help himself.

'No, your not queer. Your gay Bren.' he tried to kiss him, but he only got a peck before Brendan gripped his face tighter.

'Don't kiss me.' He punched. 'Don't touch me.' Right in the gut. 'Don't fucking look at me.' He chucked Ste on the floor and Ste shook silently crying.

Brendan looked down. What the fuck had he just done? He'd done it again. He's hurt the person he cares about. He had heard his dad's voice, and flipped. Men weren't supposed to love other men. Not how Ste had meant it. It was wrong. It was disgusting right?

Only that hadn't felt wrong. That was the most alive Brendan has felt. He had blown it this time.

'Ste-'

'Don't touch me.' Ste chocked out. He looked up, his face was wet from tears and red from crying. 'Please Brendan, just. Don't touch me.' he coughed out.

Brendan didn't know what to do. He needed to know Ste was okay. He was becoming twitchy. He hated it when he become twitchy.

'Steven come on. Your hurt, I need to take care of you.'

'You've done enough Brendan! Just fuck off!'

Brendan was becoming panicked.

'No Steven. You know I can get like that. My dad he gets in my head...'

Ste stood up as best he could.

'I get it Brendan I do. But I've tried so many times to help. And I can't do it any more right. I need to focus at school and stop thinking about you and worrying about you twenty four seven okay?' He took a deep breath and winced. 'That was the final straw. If I'm the only one who 'understands' and even I can't help. Then no one can. You are never gonna change, so goodbye Brendan.'

He turned and headed across the field. He sounded to old. To experienced with the bad things the world had to offer and Brendan didn't like it. He wanted to make sure he protected him from all that. He was about to go after him, but he stopped. It was because of Brendan he was like that. This Is Brendan's fault and if he wanted the boy to be happy, he had to let him go.

There was no way he could deal with the full extent of Brendan disturbed life. And there was no way Brendan was going to share.

He had to set him free.

**Present day...**

Brendan had blocked out all nose when Ste had mentioned the hand job.

He looked around at all the faces, they were smiling at the pure amount of detail Ste was putting into his explanation. Well Cheryl and Lynsey were. Nate looked uncomfortable and Doug looked like he was about to be sick.

Well phew! At least he had kept the last bit to himself. Satisfied the cruel extent Brendan extended to when they were kids was safe he went to pour himself another drink. He didn't think he could listen to Steven's taking about their intimate details so intimately.

When he came back everyone was looking shocked. Nate still uncomfortable, Doug still sick, Lynsey was avoiding eye contact and Cheryl looked betrayed.

'What's up with you all? To much information Steven. should've kept it to ourselves...'

None of the facial expressions changed. If anything they became worse.

'What?'

'You beat him?'


	9. Chapter 6

_**Reviews as always have been lovely. This chapter is angsty but for those of you who wanted it, i present their first kiss!**_

_**Won't say to much, but tell me what you think about this one, wasn't so sure meself. editing was rushed and i probably missed everything, so that'll be corrected tomorrow, but i wanted to make sure it was uploaded tonight.**_

_**Enjoy...**_

'You beat him?'

Brendan stood. He didn't know how to move, or react. There was no point in acting like he didn't have a clue what she was talking about. He tried to laugh it off, but this wasn't funny. He became twitchy, something that hasn't happened in a while, and he tried to calm himself down. It's okay, he can try and explain.

But there was nothing to explain. It was simple. He was a homophobic, gay teen who beat the boy he loved, because he couldn't deal.

Brendan looked down at that boy, he was still laughing. He was drunk, he didn't know he had just told them _everything_. He was laughing because he thought he had just told everyone about Brendan giving him a hand job in the middle of a field up against a tree.

His eyes were disoriented and he was swaying slightly. And yet, Brendan felt no anger towards him. He should be angry. He should be fuming, but why would he be? He was the one in the wrong, he knew that, Steven knew that and Cheryl certainly knew that. He was pissed off though. There was no way he could get through this without at least one of these people hating him (other than Doug that is).

'Well?' Cheryl asked.

He was just going to have to play it out.

'Ye.' he said simply.

Lynsey gasped and Cheryl shook her head. Tears in her eyes. Brendan felt a dead, hollow hole inside of him open up as he said it. He knew, _knew_, he had done it. He knew he had treated Ste like shit but he'd never admitted it. Not aloud, in a way it made it more real to him. There was definitely no way he could deny it now, or ever again.

'Is that it? Your not even going to explain? Try and make excuses for yourself? Not even gonna say sorry to the poor boy?' She was angry. 'Well, no. of course your not. That's just who you are isn't it Bren? Have an excuse for everything. Well go on, what's your excuse this time? Hmm...?'

Brendan didn't say anything. Not because he couldn't think of an excuse, but because there wasn't one.

'Not going to excuse beating the only man you've ever loved?' She asked, softer now.

Steven seemed to have shook himself out of his dazed state.

'Nah, Chez right. Okay, don't blame 'im right. It's not his fault-'

'Don't make excuses for him love. You've done enough of that for one lifetime.'

Ste shook his head and stood up. Or tried, he swayed uneasy, and Brendan jumped forward to hold him up right, stop him from falling and cracking his head on the table.

'Hey! Get your hands off him!' Doug shouted at Brendan. Batting his hands out of the way.

Brendan backed off. Holding his hands up in surrender and swallowing the lump in his throat back down. He watch as Doug held Ste by the waist and gently got him down on the sofa. He headed to the kitchen to get him some water and Ste sipped at it.

It was the drunkest Brendan had ever seen Ste and he couldn't help but think it was his fault he was this drunk. He had been putting them away tonight, just happens to be after Brendan's return. He finished the water and placed his head down on the sofa and spread out.

Everyone stayed silent. Brendan watched as Ste's breathing became deeper and he knew he had fallen asleep. He would always know when he was sleeping, the amount of time he had watched him – as creepy as it sounded. Steven was never more peaceful than when he was sleeping.

'I know it's my fault Chez.' he said quietly, not looking up from Ste. 'and I know there's no excuse.' He sighed and looked her in the eye. 'I _know!_'

'Maybe we should leave them to talk.' Nate said, understanding the situation. They needed to talk. So Cheryl could finally understand what had happened between Ste and Brendan.

He got his coat and Lynsey followed in suit. Doug stayed where he was. They looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to get his coat too.

He didn't move.

'I'm staying. I'm not leaving Ste.'

Nate looked at Cheryl, Cheryl looked at Brendan and he nodded.

'Okay, we'll come back in abit.' he said, kissed Cheryl and then headed out.

They were left in silence, Ste's light snores were the only thing heard. Brendan went to sit at in one of the chairs at the table, head in his hands, elbows resting on the table.

'I'd never touch a hair on his head now. Or anyone else, I've changed, I promise you.' he said with pleading eyes.

'Maybe not.' She mused, 'But that doesn't change the fact that you_ have_. How could you Brendan?'

He looked away, he couldn't face the disappointment and judgement there. It sliced him, and it was painful. Cheryl was the only one who stood by him, and Brendan understood why now that would change. But he didn't want it too. He wanted to continue being her big brother, the person she looked up to.

'I don't know. I was messed up back then wasn't I? Just, I couldn't deal with it all.'

He could feel her staring at him, waiting for him to go on.

'I couldn't deal with being gay.'

'So you thought if you beat Ste up everyday it would make you feel better. He was someone to blame it on!' Doug shouted at him.

Brendan had forgotten he was there.

'Doug...' Cheryl soothed.

'No Cheryl! He can't blame Ste for his own messed up way of thinking okay? And he can't, he can't think that he can come up with excuses, or try and get sympathy and every ones just going to forgive him. No... no! Ste may have forgiven you.' He directed at Brendan. He raised his eyebrows and waited for him to go on. 'But you have this power over him, this hold. And that's probably fear from what you did to him.'

Brendan stood up, pushing the chair away from him and rounded on Doug. He stood above him and stared down. He was shaking under Brendan's gaze and Brendan knew he had achieved that intimidation and scared him, but there was still defiance in his eyes. Unbelievable.

'I _never_ blamed Steven. What happened, between me and him, that was all my fault and I know that.' He growled in Doug's face.

Doug swallowed but didn't reply. He didn't blink just looked at Brendan with fear.

Nobody moved, or spoke for several minutes. Brendan moved away from Doug and sat back on the chair. Cheryl sat back down on the sofa. So did Doug. Brendan put his head back in his hands and blocked everything out. Everything except the light snores coming from Steven. He let them calm im down knowing that if Brendan opened his eyes he would see his beautiful boy sleeping peacefully on the sofa. But knowing he was there in the room, and Brendan wasn't hurting him soothed him.

Brendan didn't know what was going to happen the rest of the night. He didn't know whether it would end in a huge argument, shouting and Brendan would leave them. Leave them to get on with their lives without him and he would start fresh. He didn't know whether anything would even get sorted tonight.

He broke out of his trance when Ste's snores stopped. He opened his eyes and looked across at Steven. He was stirring. He sat up unsteadily and looked around.

He stretched. Shit, Brendan shifted uncomfortably on his chair.

'Where's Nate? And Lynsey?' Ste asked, voice hooded with sleep.

'They've gone out for abit love.' Cheryl said.

Did Ste remember what had happened before he passed out?

'Have you sorted everything?' Clearly he did. 'I mean, I haven't fucked everything up for you have I?' he directed at Brendan.

Brendan just stared at him. Maybe Doug was right. Maybe he did have some kind of powerful hold over Ste. Because he didn't for the life of him know why on earth Ste would still be concerned for him. He didn't give it a second thought yesterday. Assumed Ste had just been surprised to see him and all these old feelings bubbled up, and in all honesty he had been to distracted by Steven to even think twice.

But now, now everything was out in the open. Memories resurfaced in their minds and Steven was still protecting him, and he was still concerned. That can't be right.

'Ste, if everything is messed up for Brendan now, it's his own fault.' Cheryl said to Ste, but directed it at Brendan. Staring daggers at him.

'No right.' Ste started, ready to fight in Brendan's corner. 'It wasn't Brendan right. It wasn't his fault, it was his-'

'It was my fault Steven.' He said sternly. Looking at him. He didn't want Cheryl to know about his dad. She had lost one role mdel today, she didn't deserve to loose another.

And even if what happened between him and his dad was part off why Brendan did the things he did to Ste, it didn't mean Brendan wasn't to blame.

Ste looked like he was about to argue, but Brendan just shook his head.

He gave up.

'I'll get you some more water.' Brendan said and he headed to the kitchen and leant against the counter, his back to everyone.

He could hear mumbling and shuffling. What was he going to do?

He jumped when he felt a light hand pressing against his back.

'Jesus.'

'Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.' Ste said in a light voice.

Brendan turned to face him. How could Brendan ever of hurt him? Thinking back on it now it seemed physically impossible. He would trade his own life before he hurt Steven. Physically or mentally.

'It's fine.' he said and poured Ste a glass of water. 'Here.'

'Thanks.' Ste accepted it and sipped. 'Look, I'm sorry-'

'No, Steven.' Brendan interrupted, pressing his hand against Ste's chest. At the contact with, his hand started to sizzle and he felt like it was burning against Ste's t-shirt. He pulled away. 'Don't ever apologise. Never.'

Ste studied him for a second, 'But...' he trailed off.

'Don't. You've done nothing wrong, except drink a little to much maybe.' Brendan tried at a joke, but neither of them laughed. 'I'm the one who should be-'

'Just stop will you!' Ste said. He voice a little more raised. 'Okay, just stop!'

He pushed against Brendan causing him to fall back a little and forcing space between them. Brendan felt a draft, but guessed it was just his imagination.

'So what? Neither of us is allowed to apologise?' This gained him a smile.

'Just don't apologise any more okay? I know you have your demons, I know you regret it and I know that your sorry. You've paid for it enough, and maybe I haven't fully forgotten it, maybe that's why I told them but...' he took a deep breathe. 'Just stop apologising okay. You've done enough of that okay?'

Brenda sighed. How has he been this lucky. Granted, things with Cheryl still needed sorting. But this gave him a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach. It made him feel whole, how ever stupid and cliché it sounds, he felt like he could breathe a whole lot easier when Ste was around.

'I don't deserve you. I don't deserve to have you in my life.' Brendan said quietly.

'Maybe not.' Ste said with a smile. 'What about Cheryl?'

Brendan sighed and leant against counter. 'I don't know. I think, we will just have to talk it through. See where we go from there.'

Ste gave him a sad look and Brendan knew he was gearing up to apologise so Brendan gave him a knowing look.

Ste leant against the counter next to Brendan, closer than he needed to be. Brendan felt Ste's hand brush against his own on their way to being folded across Ste's chest. He felt the electricity and by the way Ste had frozen he knew Ste felt it too. Brendan looked at Cheryl and Doug talking to stop him from doing anything. He had to remember they could easily be seen and twice in two days? Well, it wouldn't exactly give either of them a good reputation. But even knowing that they weren't alone, Brendan felt the urge to say something to Ste. About how he feels. He knows he shouldn't, but just being so close to Ste now, they always have this intensity even just like this. Standing in a kitchen. He felt this sense of urgency to try his luck.

However selfish it was, it was going to become impossible to have moments like this with Ste and not know whether there is a chance they could try again. Fuck Doug. He needed to know.

What was the worse that could happen? Ste could reject him, turn him down, tell him there wasn't that kind of love between them any more. Break his fucking heart. Yeah, well. It's only fitting isn't it? What goes around, comes back around. Brendan had done it to Ste once before.

'Steven...' he started, but didn't know where to go from there.

'I know. Me too.' Steven said simply. Nothing else.

What did that mean? What did he think Brendan was about to say?

'No, Steven-'

'I know!' Ste said louder, stronger.

Brendan was lost. He had no clue whether to carry on and be interrupted again, or keep his mouth shut.

He didn't need to decide. He felt Steven's hand slip into his own. He felt a quick squeeze before he let go.

He turned to face Steven and he was looking back at him with what, Brendan was sure, was the same expression he wore on his own face.

'If your husband and my sister weren't in the other room, I'd kiss the fuck out of you right now.' He said heatedly.

'If you did,' he said shyly, he looked up at Brendan through those thick, ridiculously long eyelashes and said, 'I wouldn't stop you.'

Fuck.

He leant back against the counter and let out a low chuckle.

'God dammit Steven Hay your a tease.'

He sensed Ste smile.

'Yeah, well. You started it.'

Doug watched them talking against the counter. There was such ease to the way they just stood and talked. It was obviously these had known each other longer than two days. He felt jealously. Of course he felt jealousy. They were back to being friends after everything Brendan did to Ste and everything he put him through. Ste didn't even seem phased and yet, they couldn't even get a marriage right.

Ste was laughing up at Brendan.

'Doug?' Cheryl said. Breaking him out his trance.

'What?'

'Are you even listening any more?' she asked, but Doug was still looking at Ste and Brendan standing in the kitchen.

'They really love each other don't they?' he asked sadly, ignoring her question.

When she didn't reply he turned to look at her and she was avoiding his gaze.

'Cheryl.'

'I think, they always have. I just think things ended so abruptly between them that. Neither ever really got over the other.' she said truthfully, pity in her eyes.

'You think he deserves Ste?' he raised. 'After what Ste just told us you think he deserves to be with him and be happy? I deserve Ste... I'm good for him, _to_ him.'

'I never said that.' Cheryl looked down. 'I know love, I know you deserve him but, I'm just telling you the truth. When it comes to Ste and Brendan, I don't think there is ever anyone else involved in their eyes.'

Doug could feel tears pricking up at his eyes. Not because her words were harsh and had cut like a knife, but because he knew it was true. And he knew neither of them could live a lie.

He turned to Cheryl.

'What do I do?'

XOXO

Doug and Ste entered the flat exhausted. It had been a long night. Ste went to sit on the sofa straight away. Doug hovered.

'What's wrong?' Ste asked, face caked with concern.

'I think we should end this.'

'What?' Ste said, sitting up straighter and looking Doug dead in the eye.

'Ste, we can't pretend any more. Ever since he came back. Nothings been right between us has it?'

Ste gaze wavered slightly but he managed to hold it.

'Yeah, but I thought we were passed all that.'

Doug shook his head.

'If you can promise me there's nothing between you, If you can promise that, now that he's back, old feelings haven't resurfaced. If you can promise you don't still love each other, then yeah Ste. We are passed all that and we can move on. Can you promise me that?'

Ste's gaze dropped completely now. He couldn't look Doug in the eye and lie to him, but he found he couldn't not look him in the eye and lie to him either.

'That's what I thought.' Doug said when he couldn't reply.

'Doug...' Ste said he stood up and went to him.

'No Ste it's okay. I knew you would always have feelings for him, the first time we met I knew you would. I just never thought he would come into our lives.'

'I never lied to you, about how I feel about you. I just, with Brendan, I just...' tears fell from his eyes. 'I'm sorry.'

Doug held back his tears, tried to be the strong one. Ste sunk back onto the sofa and hid his head in his hands. Doug sat next to him and placed a hand on his leg. Not sexually, but in comfort.

'Why though Ste? After everything he did?'

''Cos he understands doesn't he. He always has, and that was only a couple of times. We had more good moments than bad.'

Doug considered it.

'Did you fall for him while he was beating you?'

Ste winced and looked at Doug.

'No.'

'When then?' Doug knew he was prying, but he felt he had a right to know.

'I don't know. I never really knew I liked him until we kissed. But even after I just _knew_ you know? I just knew I had always felt like that for him.'

Of course Doug knew what he meant. He'd felt like that a couple of years ago.

'Is that when he first beat you? The first kiss?'

'No.' Ste said, looking at the wall, no doubt imagining the past. 'The first kiss was, perfect.'

**10 years ago...**

'...and I was like the only one with hand up wasn't I?' Ste said.

Brendan continued to lay on his bed listening to Johnny Cash. It was new to Brendan, not music he usually listened to, but after he had discovered him, he couldn't stop listening.

'So this dyslexia thing doesn't mean I'm stupid right. I just find it harder then most people.' he finished off.

'Well if your so clever, you don't need me to help you with your English then do you?' Brendan said with a smirk, even if Ste couldn't see it the other side of the bed.

'Nah, cos I find it slower than other people. And this English has to be in tomorrow.'

Brendan chuckled at the whine in his voice.

'Brenduuuun! Help me!'

That did it. He opened his eyes and sat up slowly to notice Ste had emptied what looked like the entire content of his bag onto Brendan's bed.

'Jesus Christ Steven.'

'Well I was hoping you could help me with my other work too.' Ste said hopefully.

That smile killed Brendan. He didn't like thinking about him in this way. The way he should be thinking about girls. But recently he had started seeing Ste in a different light. Stopped seeing as the little kid who found the field. And the one person who understand. He had started thinking as him as a friend soon after they'd met. But recently, he started thinking about him as a what? Boyfriend?

No, that was all wrong. But he found himself just watching Steven and being enticed by it. He was starting to notice how good looking he was. Good looking was an understatement, he was _gorgeous._

'You could get away with murder Steven.'

He fluttered his eyelashes and Brendan went fuzzy. Jesus.

'Romeo and Juliet?'

Ste nodded.

'We have to like, study the love in it or something.'

Brendan cocked an eyebrow.

'Steven you realise the whole play is about love right?'

'Well _yeah_.' Ste moaned. 'But we have to like describe how Shakespeare uses it don't we?'

Brendan sighed and rolled his eyes. It was always bloody Romeo and Juliet.

'I would enjoy this more if it was something good by Shakespeare.' Brendan said.

'I didn't know you knew Shakespeare.' Ste said, teasing him now. He teased him all the time.

'Yes Steven, I like Shakespeare.' Brendan said, a half smile forming on his face. 'That okay with you?'

'That's fine.' Ste said smirking.

Brendan smiled, 'Good.'

XOXO

'Ste _focus_!' Brendan said.

They had been working for and hour and a half and Ste had started to become restless an hour ago.

'What's the point? I can't _do_ it. And I'm _hungry!'_ he whined and Brendan looked up at him.

He was laid on his front over Ste's books and notes and paper's, while Ste was sat up on his phone. Brendan looked for a second to long and Ste picked up on it. He looked up from his phone and down at Brendan.

'Can I help you?' Ste said.

'Sometimes you sound like a whining child Steven.' he said rolling his eyes.

'Well that's the thing about us younger kids you see.'

Brendan laughed and shook his head at Steven's joking.

'Fine. I'll get you some food. Then I'm coming back, and you are getting on with this work until it's finished, then your going home and your going to bed okay?' Brendan said, hopping of the bed, with a wink.

'Don't have to treat me like I'm two years old.' He mumbled pouting.

Brendan wished he didn't do that quite so much. Pout. Unfortunately for him it seemed to be natural. He looked up from his mouth and into his eyes.

'Act like a kid, expect to be treated like a kid.' Brendan said simply.

Brendan went down, got some crisps and a drink and brought them back upstairs. When he came up he found Ste spread out on his bed, eyes closed. Part of his T-shirt had ridden up and Brendan could see part of his slight waist. His tan was even better further down his body. Going by the bulge now forming in Brendan's trousers, he definitely wasn't having 'friendly' thoughts towards Ste.

He put the food and drink on his bedside table, and crawled onto the bed. He shuffled up closer to Ste so his right side was touching Ste's left.

Ste shifted, but didn't open his eyes. A small smile was twitching on Ste's lips though.

Fucking bastard. Such a _tease_. He knew what Brendan was thinking.

Brendan only had to think about it for a second before he climbed on top of Ste, knees each side of Ste's hips. Ste's eyes opened in shock but he didn't struggle away. He just looked up at Brendan desirously. Brendan leaned in close so their noses were touching.

'This is what you want isn't it?' he asked quietly.

'I- I think so.' Ste said in a shaky voice.

Brendan leant in a little closer so that their lips weren't touching, but he could feel the electricity from Ste's lips.

He wasn't trying to be a tease, he was genuinely shitting himself just as much as probably Ste was. Ste lifted his head up – not far, and gently touched their lips together.

Brendan felt in a different world. It wasn't the same as when he kissed girls. This felt new and exciting. This felt like how kissing a person should be. He didn't have 'fireworks' or anything, but he sure felt alive. And he wanted more, but it was Ste underneath him, he wasn't going to take more than what was equal.

He pulled away and sat back, he put his hands on Ste's waist and pulled him up with him. He lifted his legs out from under his own and around his waist.

Ste put his hands around Brendan's neck and laughed.

'You okay Steven?'

'I think so.' He breathed.

'Well, good then.' Brendan said. He pecked Ste on the nose because he couldn't resist.

'Your distracting me from my education Bren.'

Brendan chuckled.

'I'm sitting on it too.' He lifted Ste of him and gently put him back on the bed. 'But your right, work now.'

Ste joined him laying on his front over his work. He seemed to be working a lot easier now.

'So, does this mean you'll stay away from people at the party tomorrow? Just stay with me?' Ste asked.

'Well your not going to be there so...'

'I am.' Ste said. 'You know I am.'

Brendan sighed. How did he tell him? As much as he wanted them to be 'out' he just couldn't.

'Steven-'

'Cos I'm new to all this me-'

'Steven we're not going to tell anybody about this. About what just happened.'

Ste sat up, Brendan followed.

'Why?'

Brendan sighed.

'Because it's wrong isn't it? We can't. We can't tell people because it's wrong.'

Ste's eyes filled with tears and his lip quivered. Shit.

'Are you ashamed of me?' he said tears leaking down his face.

'No, what no! Don't ever think I'm ashamed of you, I just can't do this with people knowing. It's not gonna happen.' he voice was becoming sterner, colder. He didn't mean for it to.

'Fine. Well, I'll see you later then.' he said and started to collect all his work together, shoving it messily in his bag.

'No, Steven you don't have to go. We've still got work to do.' he said with a gentle smile.

'I don't really feel like it any more.'

Brendan nodded. Ste started to leave and he realised just how much he didn't want him to. He got of the bed and make his way around the bed, quicker than it took Ste to open the door.

He pulled him back in his arms and kissed him again. Ste didn't pull away and Brendan could feel him kissing him back, but he didn't move to embrace him.

He pulled away and leant their foreheads together. He put a finger to Ste's lips and whispered 'please'.

'Don't worry, I won't make anything obvious or anything.' Ste said, but his heart wasn't in it.

'Are you okay with that?' Brendan asked.

'No, but. Well I'd probably hate if people knew too and well, I'm not loosing you over this.' he said.

'You wouldn't loose me anyway. Ever.'

Ste nodded pecked Brendan on the lips and left.

**Present day...**

'That was perfect to you?' Doug asked.

'It was the start of it all. And after that, well things got better... eventually.'

Doug thought. Enough procrastinating, if Ste was leaving, it may as well be now.

'Go to him Ste.'

'You sure?'

'Well no, but it's out there and right now I'd prefer to be alone. We can talk tomorrow.' Doug tried a smile.

'Thank you Doug..' he kissed him on the cheek. 'You deserve better than me.'

XOXO

He knocked on the door and Brendan answered, he was half dressed nothing but trackies on. Ste was smiling like a goon, he looked him up and down and then met his eyes.

'Hi.' he said.

'Hi yourself.' Brendan said.

Ste jumped in his arms and kissed him. The spark was still there.

'I was going to ask if your okay, but _clearly_ your fine.'

'I'm just happy to see you.' Ste smiled, pressing himself closer to Brendan. 'Can you tell.'

Brendan raised both eyebrows and smirked.

'I can now.' he said.

He pulled Ste inside and was about to close the door when he heard a voice from behind them.

'I hope you don't give all your guests that hello Brendan.'

Brendan froze and felt a shiver go through his spine and he felt cold. They saw a figure coming out of the darkness and into the light of the house.

'Hello son.'


	10. Chapter 7

_**Next installement.**_

_**Firstly, another big thank you for the reviews, that you guys are enjoying this makes me happy and when i'm happy i'd like to think i write better so thank you. Some ideas thoughts and hopes some of you have given me, and they are being used if i can fit them in so thank you and keep them coming.**_

**_A big thank you to Babydoll85, without her y'all wouldn't have a flashback for this chapter. And you all seemed to have taken to your flashbacks._**

**_Angst and fluff in this one. This could've been longer, with a bit of smut, because that's what some of yous want, but i don't know whether i should attempt it and risk it being awful and cringe and uncomfortable, so i left the option open to have it in the next chapter, still deciding whether to or not. But along with Seamus returning, i love me boys so i won't make it to horrible for y'all. I'm hoping._**

**_Editing... half done. but haven't posted in a while and i wanted this up soon as possible, so again, mistakes will be corrected tomorrow._**

**_Enjoy..._**

Brendan stared into the face of his demon. The demon he had been running from all his life. Even when they were living under the same roof - Brendan was running, always _up there_. Forever running from this man. And thirteen years ago he though he had _finally _managed to outrun him. He thought he had finally succeeded. And yet, here he is.

What was he doing here? Why on earth was he lurking in the shadows? It's then that he realised he was still holding Ste close to him, he moved away and dropped his arms. He immediately felt the safety and protection that Ste had provided, vanish. A coldness crept into his heart. He wanted Ste back in his arms, but knew it would only make the situation worse. At least for him.

'Steven.' Seamus greeted.

'Seamus.' Ste said as if he was bored.

'Brendan son, not even a hello for your old dad?'

Brendan cowered away as he walked closer to the house. Taking an age with each footstep until he eventually reached the threshold.

He tensed as he crossed it.

He felt Ste ease himself closer to Brendan, felt some of that warmth returning. Not close enough to make Brendan feel uncomfortable in this situation, but close enough to feel at ease.

Even if only a little bit.

Brendan wanted to hug him.

But he restrained.

'What are you doing here?' Brendan asked in a voice that he wasn't used to or familiar with.

'I have to have a reason to come see my kids?' he said, mocking Brendan. Smile on his face. 'Where is Cheryl?' he asked.

'Asleep.' Brendan said.

'Right,' he turned to Ste. 'Steven,' he eyed him, and Brendan felt his fists tightening. 'You've grown.'

Ste resisted rolling his eyes.

'Yeah, well that's what people tend to do Seamus.' He said, voice filled with attitude. Brendan envied the confidence Ste seemed to have towards Seamus, that sassy demeanour that Brendan so clearly lacked.

Seamus chuckled and smirked.

'You haven't changed though have you?' he said.

Ste paused for a second before saying, 'Some of us don't need too.'

Seamus' face faltered slight, he eyes squint, studying Ste.

He raised an eyebrow then smirked again.

'The pub.' he said, looking at Brendan. 'It's gone, I don't have it any more.' he had a sad look in his eyes.

Brendan frowned a shrugged, 'I'm sorry I guess.' he said.

Seamus shook his head, 'It's fine son, I saw it as a sign, I can spend time with my family now can't I?'

Brendan shivered. Why? Why does this happen when he is just getting his life back on track, when he finally has a chance at happiness and when he _finally_ had his Steven back?

He doesn't want his dad back in his life, it'll cause more problems then it'll fix and he can't be dealing with it. Not now, not ever.

'I'll come back tomorrow see Cheryl. We don't have to wake her now.'

'I wasn't planning on it.' Brendan, feeling a little weight lifting of his heart with the promise of being free from this monster. Even if just for a few hours.

'It's good to see you son.' He said and walked forward and wrapped his arms around Brendan before he had time to move.

Brendan froze, he tried to keep as much distance as he could, but it was practically impossible considering the intimacy a hug requires. He pulled away and turned to Ste.

A new light came in to his eyes and Brendan remember the situation Seamus had just found them both in. his dad didn't yet know he was gay. Well... clearly that wasn't true any more.

'This is new.' he said, his voice had become tense. Thick with disgust. 'I always wondered why you spent so much time with this scally. So many years younger.' he said, shaking his head.

He looked as sick at the sight of them as Brendan felt just being in his presence.

'I am right 'ere Seamus.' Ste said, pouting at his rudeness, and throwing some right back.

'I hadn't noticed.' Seamus sneered. Sarcasm lacing his voice. 'I'll leave you two, to it.' He said, lip curled, disapproval and disgust thickly underlying his expression.

He nodded and then headed out the still open door. He closed it slowly behind him, and the dark cloud seemed to clear, the thick air faded and Brendan found oxygen again and he could breathe.

Ste looked at him for a moment with worry in his eyes.

'I'm fine Steven.' Brendan said in a low voice. 'I'm fine.' he said quieter this time. The last part was more for himself than Ste. He needed to make sure that he, himself, believed those words.

Ste stepped forwards with a smile on his face, he wrapped his arms Brendan's waist and smiled up at him. He pulled himself closer to him so Brendan knew he was there. He was trying to shake Brendan out of the place he had gone. The place he always goes when his dad is around.

He was making sure Brendan knew he was never letting him go. He knew the state Brendan could get into, he knew that he sometimes zoned out and he just needed that_ push_ to get him back to himself.

But this time, he hadn't zoned out. He knew who he was, he just refused to feel. He didn't want to risk lashing out at Ste by feeling and he didn't want to feel that breathing restriction he gets when he thinks about his dad.

He savoured the moment for awhile, feeling the warmth of the man he love, before he unhooked Ste's hands from around him and moved around him.

'I'm just going to... gonna have to... sleep.' he mumbled non-coherently. He walked stiffly around the kitchen, around the corner into his room. 'Turn the lights of behind you.' he called back to Ste.

Ste stayed where he was for a second. He didn't know what to do. They'd had all this time apart, Ste wasn't sure if he could comfort him in the same way he used to. It hadn't worked so far.

He turned of the light of the living room and felt his way round to Brendan's room. At the door he looked in. Brendan was laid on his side, no doubt curled into a ball under the duvet. He was faced away from Ste.

Ste sighed and made his way around the bed and climbed in. Brendan turned around again so he was facing away from Ste and the rejection hit him like a bullet, but he didn't take it to heart.

He wasn't leaving things like this though. There was no way. He slowly rolled onto his side, and wrapped his arms slowly around Brendan's torso and traced up until his hands found his chest. He pulled himself closer to Brendan and rested a head on his neck. He kissed the back of it.

'Come back to me Bren.' he said softly, and he could feel Brendan relax slightly.

It was a start.

He hugged himself to Brendan and he wait. He wouldn't be sure his Brendan had come back to him straight away, so he wait. It was only a matter of time.

'Can you turn the light off?' Brendan asked. His voice cold.

Ste sat up.

'Don't Brendan. Don't be giving me the brush off just because your dads back.' he said fiercely. 'You forget I _know!_' Ste said.

Brendan looked at him. _You only know the half of it_. He thought. This would be a whole lot easier if Ste knew and Brendan knew it was his fault he didn't. But how could he tell him. It would change everything. And Brendan liked this, how they were right now. Well not right now because Ste was right. He was giving him the brush off, and that was because he didn't know everything. Brendan had made the choice not to tell him, so why was he being so cold? Ste was trying his hardest to be what Brendan needed right now.

And he wasn't being anything less.

He sat up to and leant against the head board. He looked across at Ste.

'I'm not giving you the brush off Steven, I'm just tired.' he said. He knew he was being unreasonable, and maybe even a little bit unfair, but he didn't want to deal with this now. He needed to figure out a way to get his dad _out_ of their lives before he made himself to comfortable.

'No right, don't. Okay, because I have just come from my home with my husband right, who I've just left for you, and now your acting like this?' He said, he was getting upset now and Brendan needed to fix that. He didn't know why he was saying these things.

'I never asked you to leave Douglas.' Brendan said.

Ste stared at him in disbelief. He shook his head.

'No, no you didn't I did it because I wanted to, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought you did too. But seen as I've clearly made a mistake, I'll just leave then shall I? Go back to Doug and beg for him to take me back.' he looked at Brendan, but Brendan couldn't meet his gaze. 'Is that what you want?'

Brendan took a shaky breathe. 'No.'

'Then talk to me.' Ste said, he thought back to the conversation they had the previous night.

_Your never gonna tell me are you?_

_Maybe. One day._

'Or if you don't want to tell me, then let me help you Bren. Like I used to.'

'That's my problem though Steven. I don't want you to have to protect me. It's my turn now.'

Ste moved up the bed so he was sat next Brendan. He rested a chin on Brendan's shoulder and looked up into his face.

Automatically their fingers interlocked.

'You say it like you never did.' Ste said in a soft voice, looking down at their hands.

'But I didn't, did I? Not enough, and you deserved so much more than I gave you. Steven, you changed everything for me and I treated you like shit.'

Ste sighed. Brendan really hated himself and Ste just needed him to forget it all, everything bad that had happened when they were kids, needed to leave the boundaries of his mind so that he could move on, and so that Ste didn't need to be worried about Brendan being pulled back down into the darkness again.

'You did.' he said quietly. 'Remember, the night we... for the first time' Ste trailed off, blushing for god knows what reason. Brendan smirked and Ste hit him playfully.

'I may recall that night. I don't know, you might have to refresh my memory.' He said, and it was nice. To see he was starting to come back into himself.

'Brendan.' Ste said with a warning voice, still smiling. 'I mean what happened before... that.'

The smile fell from his face and he looked down at Ste.

'If that wasn't protecting me Bren, then I don't know what was.'

**7 years ago...**

'Come on, this should be easy for you all, I'm just trying to refresh your memory for your final exams. All you have to do is answer the questions. You guys know I'm always here to help.' Brendan's professor said when none of them made any attempt to move.

'Come _on!_' He said, with more force, and people shuffled into action.

Brendan heard him mutter an exasperated 'thank you' and then return to marking the papers on his desk.

Brendan looked around him to the his peers. They all showed reluctance to actually do work. Going to uni, he thought people were more up for doing work, and he had been right. Throughout the year everyone had shown a certain persistence to get everything done, on time. And perfectly.

But now that they were nearing the end of the year, everyone wanted to take revision into their own hands and get on with their independent lives. No body seemed to have time to bother here.

Brendan looked down at his own paper, it was a practice for the real thing and Brendan still had no fucking clue what to do. He wasn't focussed on it right now.

At the moment the only thoughts that seemed to clog his head were the 17 year old boy, with ridiculously long eyelashes, startling blue eyes, and golden skin.

Ste had been on Brendan's mind on and off for the past month, because for the past month Brendan kept fucking things up for them.

It wasn't because he was ashamed of everyone finding out any more. His friends, his sister, they all knew now, and they had all promised to keep it hidden from Brendan's dad. But it was Brendan's dad that was the problem, Brendan couldn't shake him. He had gotten underneath Brendan's skin and he wasn't able to shake him out. Every time he smiled at the thought of spending the day with Steven, a new voice entered his head, _filthy queers_. And every time that voice entered and new blow ripped itself from Brendan's unwilling fist and pounded somewhere on Ste. And every time he hit out, Ste walked away.

And each time Ste walked away it hurt twice as much, and left a hole twice twice as big.

The bell rang and Brendan started to pack up. Everyone handed in their paper's and that was when Brendan realised his page was still blank.

Shit.

He placed in on the desk and tried to hurry out as quickly as possible, the people in front of him didn't make that easy.

'Brendan!' he heard his professor call.

He closed his eyes and exhaled, before planting a fake grin on his face and turning around.

'Yes?'

'It seems I've been handed another blank piece of paper.' he said, with a sad smile.

'So it does.' Brendan said, keeping the fake smile safely on his face, while gritting his teeth.

'Explanation?'

Brendan pretended to wrack his brain for something he knew he wouldn't be sharing with his professor.

'I can't seem to think of one.' Brendan said, smiling sweetly.

His professor smiled at the attempt and then became serious.

'I'm thinking of you here Brendan.' he said. 'You started off great, so I know you have it in you to achieve great. You've had your off days, but don't we all?' he laughed gruffly and then continued. 'You seem to be having more off days recently though, is something the matter?'

Brendan shifted uncomfortably.

'Brendan?'

'No sir.' he said.

His professor sighed. 'Well, okay then. But whatever is on your mind. Push it aside, just for these next few weeks. Finish your exams, pass them, and then go back to whatever it is that's been bothering you. This is _your_ future I'm thinking about here.'

Brendan almost hit him for insinuating that Steven was a person you just 'put aside'. But he didn't. His professor hadn't done anything wrong, and he was actually a decent bloke. Brendan only wished it was as easy as putting Ste out of his mind, but it wasn't.

''Kay.' Brendan said, and walked out.

He had the rest of the day to do whatever he pleased, naturally he picked waiting outside Ste's school for him.

He had been trying to get to Ste to talk to him everyday for the past week and a half either by waiting outside his school, or going to the pier.

He even tried the field, hoping a small part of Ste still believed in them. He was never there, although on the odd occasion Brendan thought he saw a figure further up the field, a part he had never explored – he'd never been further than the tree – but he put that down to wishful thinking.

He knew that Ste had, had a free period last thing on a Friday so he would be getting of around the time Brendan would get there.

He was right, and as Brendan rounded the corner, he could see Ste walking out of the gates by himself and heading in the direction of the Pier.

He jogged a little down the round the catch up.

'Steven.' he called, as Ste turned the corner a little ahead of him.

He knew Ste recognised his voice because he sped up his pace, not looking back.

It hurt, but Brendan wasn't giving up. He was failing at school because this boy was forever on his mind and he was done with worrying. He knew this day would come, the day when he would take for granted how forgiving Ste is, and Ste wouldn't forgive him. And he wouldn't come back to him. Brendan always wondered what he would do when that day came and now he finally knew.

He would keep on fighting, and wouldn't give up. He would allow Ste to cloud his thoughts every day for the rest of his life. Because he...

And still, despite all of that. Despite _knowing_ all of that, he still couldn't admit the truth. Even though he knew if he had one shot at making Ste any closer to forgiving him, saying that four letter word was the only remedy.

But he still couldn't utter that word.

'Steven.' he said, pulling Ste around by the arm when he finally caught up to him.

'What do you want Brendan!' he said fiercely looking into Brendan's eyes.

Brendan stumbled back and felt bile rise in his throat. He had only ever seen Ste from a distance on his attempts to get his attention, he had not seen him up close since...

Well since he had created the now, greenish/yellowish tinged purple bruise, swelling Ste's eye. It looked puffy and red around the middle, and it looked like it hurt like a fucking bitch.

'Admiring your own handy work?' Ste spat like venom shooting from a snake.

'Steven, I...' Brendan tried, but he was still (unsuccessfully) trying to swallow down the lump in his throat.

_He_ had done this. If there was a mirror infront of Brendan right now, he was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to tell who it was staring back at him.

'Your what? Sorry? You know what, save your fucking apologies Bren. They don't mean _shit_ any more.' Ste said and turned around and headed off.

This knocked Brendan out of his stupor and he went after him, slowing down to be at the same pace.

'Piss. Off. Brendan.' Ste said through his teeth.

'No, Steven come on. Just listen, please.' Brendan was begging now, but he didn't care.

'No! Right, I am done listening any more Brendan.' The sentence started of heated, and full of anger, but by the time he said Brendan's name his face had dropped, and his tone became sad. 'I'm done.'

'Don't say that. We can work it out, just like we always do-'

'Brendan, just stop!' he stopped in his tracks and turned around to Brendan. 'Just stop okay. It's not that easy, not this time.'

Brendan was in denial, he was refusing to hear these words coming out of Ste's mouth because they sliced him.

'Right, I get it. No okay, you need time. That's fine, I can give you time.' he took a breathe. 'How much time we talking?'

Ste shook his head.

'No, Brendan. Time can't fix this, just.' he swallowed, and it looked like this was just as hard to say as it was to hear. 'Just leave it alone. _Leave me alone._ I'm never coming back to you.'

He turned away and headed back to the pier and Brendan couldn't resist, he grabbed Ste arm and swung him around, pulling him into the tightest embrace and planted the most passionate kiss on Ste's lips. Brendan felt Ste tense and then he was wrapping his arms around Brendan's neck. It contradicted itself, the kiss was hard, yet Brendan had never felt anything softer. They broke apart for breath and Brendan kissed him again. For comfort.

Ste leant his forehead against Brendan's and breathed against his mouth. Brendan closed his eyes as he felt that breath against his lips.

'That was goodbye.' Ste said and Brendan looked up.

Ste was slipping away from him and Brendan was to stunned to move. It wasn't until he felt a tear escape his eye that he realised what had just happened. But by then it was to late, Steven was gone form his sights.

Brendan reluctantly turned around to find Lynsey and Pete walking down the road, hand in hand, laughing.

Brendan wiped his face.

'Brendan!' Pete called. And Brendan hid his face, not looking them in the eye.

'Oh, right hi.'

'We're heading off to the pier, you want to join.'

Brendan winced. 'I don't think that's such a good idea...Steven...' even saying his name hurt.

'Brendan mate, you alright?' Pete asked.

'Fine.' Brendan said, but knew neither of them believed it.

'Lyns, you go on. I'll catch you up.'

Brendan shook his head.

'No, you two go on. I don't want to stop you spending time together. I'm fine,' he persisted. 'just go.'

XOXO

Brendan had been at home for 2hrs, keeping out of his dads way. He was only here until he got the money to either leave, or get his own place.

He'd tried to distract himself, but nothing had worked. Steven was still on his mind, even more the last kiss that they had both shared. He knew, he just knew from that kiss that Ste still... liked him. And knowing that made moving on so much harder.

He got his jacket and left. He couldn't sit on his bed any more pining over Ste, he needed to go out and get him off his mind.

His aim had been to go to the nearest pub and get wasted but he found himself taking the familiar path to the alley in which they had first met. He walked through it seeing the two boys as younger versions of themselves huddled against the wall. Barely knowing each other.

His plan had been to walk straight past Steven's house, but a light was on and Brendan couldn't help hoping Ste was still awake.

He walked closer to the house, his feet moving of their own accord. Then he heard a smash.

He hurried forward to peer through the window and found Ste being pined up against a wall, Terry's breath hot in his face.

'Your a waste of space Ste.' he snarled. 'Look at this,' he gently knocked the bruise Brendan had made and Brendan fists clenched. 'Clearly someone else thinks so too.'

Brendan saw something like hurt flash through Ste's face, and he wanted nothing more than to scream at Ste not to believe it. Ste was anything but a waste of space.

He saw Terry's hand bury itself in Ste's ribs and he charged into their house. The door banging so loud Brendan was surprised it was still on it's hinges.

'What the-' Terry screamed.

Brendan looked at Ste and saw the red rising into his cheeks, a look of shame on his face, tears falling from his eyes. He looked at Terry, only he didn't see Terry. He saw himself. This is what he does to Steven. How? He didn't understand how he could do this to Steven, when seeing it now disgusted him to his core.

'Get your fucking hands off him.' Brendan growled.

'You what?' Terry said, and Brendan rolled his eyes walking forward and yanking Terry of Ste, throwing him across the room.

Brendan didn't know he had that much strength, but he was putting it down to adrenaline.

'Are you okay?' Brendan asked Ste, caressing his cheek, a new bruise forming.

'Bren!' Ste said eyes wide, and Brendan turned around, his face hitting Terry's fist.

His vision went blurry for a second and then he shook himself out of it.

He grabbed Terry's face, squishing his cheeks and forcing his lips to resemble a fish. He didn't recognise himself in this moment, he just knew that this man had hurt Ste and he was not okay with that.

And if Brendan could do this to himself, he wouldn't have a second though.

He slammed Terry's head against the wall.

'Don't fucking touch me.' he snarled in his face, spit flying on to Terry. 'and don't you _dare _touch him. Don't lay a fucking hand on him again, or I swear to god...'

'What, what you gonna do?' Terry struggled in Brendan's grip.

Brendan leaned in close to Terry's, leant his cheek against Terry's so his mouth was practically touching the man's ear.

'I'll rip your fucking balls off, and don't think I wouldn't-' he lay a punch to the man's gut. 'because I would do anything to protect that boy.'

He slammed Terry back against the wall and he slid down to the floor. Brendan was preparing to kick him when he felt a hand on his arm.

'Brendan stop!' Ste screamed. 'He's not worth you getting in trouble.'

Brendan lowered his foot and backed away. He deliberated what to do, before he picked up the older man's limp body.

'Brendan...' Ste warned. But Brendan had done with violence.

'Get out.'

He let go and Terry stumbled out taking a beer with him, mumbling 'Psychopathic fucking queer'

Brendan turned around to find Ste running out.

He sighed.

'Steven!'

**Present day...**

Brendan sighed.

'And then what did I do? I buggered off and left him to carry on beating you.'

Ste let go off his hands and placed the either side of his face. Forcing Brendan to look at him and he kissed him gently.

'You stood up to him Bren. And I could see it in your eyes, you saw yourself, didn't you?'

Brendan shivered at how well he had let this boy know him in the past.

'Steven, all those times I ever hit ye. When I saw him... when I saw what he was doing to you, when I saw _him _it was _me.'_

'I know. I know, and how much of a man does that make you?' Ste soothed. 'More of a man than anyone I've ever met. Brendan you managed to protect me from him, and protect me from _you!_'

Brendan looked at him. Looked into those beautiful blues and kissed him hard on the mouth.

'But I left you.' he said against his lips. Ste kissed him again and lowered him onto the bed.

'And we have the rest of our lives to make up for that... starting tonight.'


	11. Chapter 8

_**It's been a looong time since my last update and well life IRL just got a little cray for abit, but that's getting better so I'm back. People pestering paid off and I started to write again. Only, then I realised I had a whole chapter of smut to write and I didn't know where to start, so I had some hiccups and false starts because I felt so weird writing this chapter. I wanted to thank you all for reviews/favs and follows and taking the time to read the fic and a stendan smut chapter seemed the best way to do it. Keep the reviews coming, because i love hearing what you all think.**_

_**I want to thank a particular guest reviewer also because they gave me inspiration for this chapter. They said something about a whole chapter on smut, going back and fourth, and though it doesn't do that, it helped me formulate this chapter so guest reviewer. Ta. **_

_**Dedicate this to Hollie, because we spent nights sharing our sad excuses of smut (not really) but in the end she actually came up with a fab idea that helped. And she has some weird persuasive skills, idek. But anyway, Ta Hols. **_

_**Said it before, I am not like some of the excellent fic writers out there who can just think it and it comes out naturally. Felt weird writing the smut, but I did it for you guys so, just don't have high hopes for something amazing. **_

_**I don't know if the next update will be soon, but I hope it's not to long before I do, cos I enjoy writing. But for now**_

_**Enjoy...**_

**7 years ago...**

Brendan ran out of the house and went in the direction he knew – or thought he knew – Steven had gone.

His intent hadn't been to frighten Ste. In fact, at first he wasn't even sure he had an intent. His feet had carried themselves through the door and his hand made it's own way to gripping Terry's shirt, and throwing him back. But when he thinks about it, he had never meant to hurt, or frighten Ste in anyway. He had been trying to _protect_ him.

And as Brendan was walking through the streets to a place that was so familiar to him, he knew it like the back of his hand, he put himself in Ste's shoes. And saw what Ste must have seen.

He shivered.

Brendan had been so pent up on anger, raw emotions fighting their way to the surface and he realised, if Ste was freaked out it was probably because in that moment, Brendan knew Ste was reminded of all the times Brendan had hit him.

With the pain freshly edged in his mind thanks to Terry, and the imagine of Brendan so clearly ready for violence, right before his eyes... what else was he going to think?

He started to jog a little before he reached the fence. He climbed through and walked towards the tree. He was ready, mouth full of apologies when he walked around-

to find nothing. And no one.

Ste wasn't there, he wasn't where Brendan had expected him to be. Brendan didn't even try to hide his disappointment. Tears were prickling at his eyes, but none shed. He was too worried for this boy, scared of what he might get himself into in his state this time of night.

He was scared for Ste, he was fragile. Even more so than before. And if anything happened to him, Brendan would blame himself. He couldn't even help it.

He leant back against the tree and closed his eyes. He racked his brain for where Ste would have gone.

The pier?

_'Oh my god, Bren...!' Ste ran up to him, clutching his side. Clearly out of breathe._

_'Where have you been?' Brendan asked. 'We've all been here ages, I've been waiting for you for ages.'_

_Ste caught his breathe before saying, 'It's scary walking here from mine, in the dark... by yourself.' he coughed, 'I only know one way, and that's the way you walk me home but, I kept hearing noises didn't I?'_

_Brendan raised an eyebrow._

_'Never walking here, or back from here, by myself in the dark again.' he smiled up at Brendan with a cheeky grin, 'Gonna have to be my bodyguard.'_

He wasn't at the pier.

He opened his eyes and looked around.

There had been times, before, when Brendan would come and sit by this tree alone. Hoping, _praying_, Ste would turn up. Only to be let down. But on the odd occasion, Brendan would see a silhouette in the distance, walking along the collection of trees bunched together at the far end of the field. It was always dark so he had to squint, and when he looked closer it had always gone.

He looked towards the far end, and as if Brendan had conjured it up just by thinking of it, he saw a silhouette of someone. And he knew it was Ste.

He ran across the field towards him. He had been right all along, his adrenalin however faded when he reached Ste.

Ste looked pissed off at the fact that Brendan had found him. Brendan reached out and stroked a hand across his cheek, he felt Ste wince as he made contact with the ripe new bruise, but Ste made no move to stop him.

Neither one of them spoke for a second. And then a tear trickled down Ste's face.

Brendan wiped it away with his thumb, and was about to lean in to kiss the pain away, but Ste's voice stopped him.

'Why Bren? Why am I so pathetic... so... so_ weak!_' he said, to quiet to even be classed as a whisper. But Brendan heard, he heard every word.

He backed away a couple of steps and stared at Ste in disbelief.

'Your not weak Steven.' he said, voice strong. 'Your anything but!'

Ste shook his head and let the tears fall off his face along with the movement.

'I am.' he said. 'I can't protect myself from anyone. I can't protect my self from Terry,' he took a breathe. 'from you.' Brendan was about to interject but he found he couldn't. 'What's worse is that I _need_ to be protected.' he wiped his eyes with the back of his sleeve. 'Maybe you were right when we first met. Maybe the beatings were to teach us a lesson, to teach us to be men. The only difference between yours and mine was – you learnt.'

Some thing snapped inside Brendan and he found his voice again.

'No.' he said, and Ste looked at him with raised eyebrows. 'No, I won't listen to you talk like this okay? It's wrong. Terry, he's messed up, messed up in here-' he indicated his head and sighed, dropping his arm. 'I'm messed up. There's no excuse for what... we do-' Ste looked up at him with wide eyes. '_Did_ to you Steven. None what so ever. And you mustn't _ever_ think you deserved it. Because you didn't, and if there is one thing I could ever take back in this world, it would be the way I treated you. I would go back 6 years to us meeting and I would start it all again. Everything.'

Ste looked at him, tears gleaming in his shining eyes. The moon light made him look even more beautiful and Brendan was finding it hard to breathe.

'But-'

'No buts Steven. It was wrong, and it was disgusting, and you can't think you deserved it. I'm thinking only of you not Steven, because... because I only want what's best for ye Steven.' Brendan said with such sincerity that Ste found himself moving closer towards him.

Brendan didn't move, but he let the warmth from Ste that creeping closer embrace him.

'Why do you always do this?' Ste said softly as he stopped in front of Brendan. No part of either of them was touching but it felt like it was.

'Do what?' Brendan asked, trying to control his voice.

'You make it so hard for me to fall out of love with you'

Ste wasn't scared to say it now, Brendan knew Ste loved him, and Ste had received several punches from saying them words. But they both knew Brendan wasn't even thinking like that right now.

Brendan grabbed Ste around the waist and pulled him closer, but didn't make a move to do anything other than embrace him.

'Even when there is nothing I want more then to move on from you,' Ste continued, his eyes dropped to Brendan's lips, and Brendan just watched him. 'I still found myself in love with you.'

'Do you want to love me?' Brendan asked, watching Ste watch his lips.

'No.' Ste said honestly. The rejection hit Brendan like ice but he carried on.

'Are you?'

Ste looked into Brendan's eyes and pulled him down for a kiss, and Brendan let him take control of it.

When it finished, neither pulled away. Brendan could feel Ste's breathe on his lips and he said, 'yes.' against his lips. Never breaking contact.

Brendan kept his eyes closed and just let himself be in this moment.

'I promise, everyday for the rest of my life I will make it up to you.' he breathed.

Ste chuckled softly and then became serious.

'The rest of your life is a long time, what's to say we'll even know each other in 10 years?'

Brendan thought about it, and then decided he didn't care.

'I don't care. I'm going to try my absolute hardest to make this up to you. Everyday until I am in my grave,' he kissed Ste gently. 'Your always going to be in my head Steven.'

**Present day...**

Ste climbed on top of Brendan so he was straddling him.

'You nervous?' Brendan asked. 'You look nervous...' he said, smile on his lips.

'We only did it once didn't we?' Ste replied, in all honesty, yes. He did have butterflies in his stomach right now at the anticipation of what was about to happen. Because to him, and no doubt to Brendan too, this was a fresh start. _Their_ fresh start. This was like the first time all over again.

**7 years ago...**

They walked back to Ste's house in silence and at the door, Brendan held it open and waited until Ste walked in, then followed in suit, locking it behind him. No doubt Terry or Pauline had a key, but if they didn't. Well, if they didn't that was their problem.

Brendan turned around to find Ste sat on the sofa, crying again. He walked over to him and wrapped his arms around him. Ste let himself be held and neither of them moved when Brendan's top started becoming damp.

Brendan put a delicate thumb and forefinger to Ste's chin and pulled his head up so that Ste was looking at him with sparkling eyes.

He only wanted them to look at each other so that Ste realised just how much he meant to Brendan. So he could see that look, Brendan knew was in his eyes, that told Ste that as long as he wanted him around: he wasn't going anywhere. To make Ste feel strong.

But Ste had other ideas, he pressed their lips together. It was soft, but Brendan could could sense the desperation in the kiss. The way Ste was pressing himself up against Brendan at the same time. And he didn't like that. Of course, he liked kissing Ste, but not like this. It seemed as if Ste was trying to give himself away, to make himself feel better.

He pushed Ste away.

'Steven...'

Ste looked hurt and rejected. Shit.

'What?' Ste pouted. _Shit._ 'You said you wanted to make it up!'

'Like this?' Brendan stood up. 'You think I want to make it up to you like this. When your throwing yourself at me, when you don't mean it?' he sighed and shook his head. 'So what? We'd sleep together and then what? In the morning you'd go back to ignoring me because you'd know it was a mistake and you can't bare to face me and have to tell me that?' Brendan paced. 'No, I said I'll make it up to you and I will. I'll do whatever you want me to do, whatever I have to do. But not like this. No, this shouldn't be done out of anger Steven, you need to mean it.'

As much as Brendan would've liked it to go further, he knew that he had to stop before something happened that they both regretted. No matter how much he wanted it.

'I wouldn't've regretted it.'

'I'll stay with you tonight, I don't-' Brendan stopped mid sentence and looked down at Ste. He was staring him right in the eye and Brendan found his throat becoming dry. 'What?'

'I wouldn't've regretting it. If we had... had sex. I wouldn't've regretted it.' he stood up and made his way towards Brendan. 'I want you to be my first.' he said with a shaky breathe.

It felt good to let it out, get it of his chest.

Brendan shook his head but no words came out.

Ste put his arms either side of Brendan's head and pulled their foreheads forward and kissed him. With meaning.

'Maybe at first, it was some kind of twisted 'therapy', but not now. When you pushed me away, it just made me realise how much I _want _this.' he whispered.

Brendan was so close to giving in, Ste knew it. He could feel it, and his heart rate sped up.

'I can't.' Brendan pulled away. Ste knew how hard it was for Brendan to do that, he could see it in his eyes.

'Brendan...' he pulled his face around so he was looking at Ste again, and yet Brendan refused to look him in the eye. 'Brendan look at me.' He did.

'After everything I put you through Steven, I can't take this from you. That's not fair of me.'

'And if it's my choice?'

'That's... I...' he didn't know what to say back. Ste pulled him down for a kiss but Brendan was still resisting and it frustrated him. 'Oh, for fucks sake Brendan!' he pulled away from him and lifted his arms up in defeat. 'Fine, have it your way! Sleep on the sofa, there are blankets around here somewhere.' he said, excepting defeat and headed of to his room.

But something stopped him. He found himself being pushed against the wall, but he didn't feel afraid. He felt Brendan strong chest against his back, and that familiar breath against his neck.

'You tell me if I hurt you.' Brendan said. 'You tell me if you want me to stop' he pulled Ste around so they were looking at each other. 'And you tell me the god damn truth, I swear to god Steven, you tell me-'

Ste smiled. He noticed how Brendan was staring at his lips. He licked them and noted how Brendan's eyes suddenly went a deep shade of blue.

'I promise-'

He didn't even have time to finish his sentence before Brendan was crushing their lips together, hands firmly placed on Ste's hips.

Ste was nervous, of course he bloody was. But right then, in that moment, the thrill and the nerves vanished and he just let himself feel Brendan.

Brendan traced his hands down Ste lean body, feeling everything like he never had before. He stopped when his hands reached Ste's arse and gave it a quick squeeze before settling his hands there. Claiming what was his.

He felt Ste smile into the kiss and he pressed him further against the wall. Groin to groin. Ste let out a moan into Brendan mouth and it went straight to his cock.

He picked Ste up by his bum and Ste wrapped his legs around Brendan's waist. Brendan pressed him back up against the wall.

Ste let out a gasp and Brendan pulled away, worry in his eyes.

'Are you hurt?' Brendan asked.

'Just my ribs, I'm fine.' he tried to pull Brendan back into a kiss but Brendan was having none of it.

'Maybe we should, stop or something... I mean, you've got bruises all over you haven't you... Maybe-'

'Brendan!' Ste interrupted, exasperated. 'I'm fine okay? You know I would stop if I was in that much pain... I trust you.'

And like that Brendan's lips were back on his own. And he was carrying Ste through the house, into the room he knew was Ste's. Ste kicked the door shut once inside and Brendan lowered him down onto the bed and he climbed on top of him, settling inbetween his legs.

He looked into his face and he could see the nerves there now.

'You sure you want to do this?' Brendan asked softly, his eyes trailing Ste's face, fingers tracing the his lips.

Ste's eyes were hooded, and he looked with pure passion up at Brendan.

'I'm sure, I'm just scared. I'm scared it'll hurt.'

Brendan nodded.

'I won't hurt you Steven.' he said. 'I promise you that.'

Ste nodded and gave him a shaky smile. 'Okay.'

He pulled Brendan back in for a kiss and curved his hands into Brendan's hair, scrapping nails against his scalp.

Ste pulled away again and looked up at Brendan.

'Is this your first time?' Brendan was silent. 'Oh...' he looked away.

'No look Steven, It's not like, I... Eileen found me one night after I screwed things up, and we were both drunk and it just _happened._'

Ste looked shocked. He sat up forcing Brendan to lean back off, of him. He studied Ste while he was silent.

'You had sex with Eileen? A _girl!?_' Brendan chuckled at the look on Ste's face 'How?

'Well you see Steven, when a man and a women-'

'Oh, my god! I know how, I just mean_ how!?'_

Brendan shrugged. 'It just kind of happened.'

'Was it... good?' Ste asked.

'Not really.' Brendan said truthfully.

'So you didn't enjoy it?'

Brendan shook his head.

Ste seemed to take this in for a second, before carefully pulling Brendan back to him.

'What makes you think it'll be any different with me?' Ste sighed as he felt the contact of Brendan lips against his neck.

'Because your you Steven.' he moved further down. 'Because your that annoying, sassy, beautiful boy I met in an alley 6 years ago and haven't been able to get out of my head since.' He pulled Ste's t-shirt up and trailed kisses along Ste's torso. 'Because your that boy who's helped me in more ways than you can imagine.'

He looked at Ste now. Right in his eyes.

'Because... _I love ye Steven.'_

He carried on trailing kisses along his jaw.

'What?' Ste breathed, mind preoccupied in what Brendan was doing to him just by these kisses, but managing to hear those words somewhere through his subconscious.

_'_You heard me.'

Ste pulled Brendan's head up so that they were looking at each other.

A massive grin spread across his face.

Brendan smiled. His cheeks grew colour and Ste couldn't help but notice how endearing that made him.

'Thank you.' Ste said, and a silent understanding passed between the two of them at those words.

Brendan kissed him again, softer now. The urgency was still there but it wasn't quite as desperate. This was Brendan first chance to make it up and he couldn't ruin it.

He stood up off the bed and slowly kicked his shoes off. Ste did the same. Never once did their eyes leave each other.

He moved to his socks, dropping them on the floor while Ste watched on. He lifted his top over his head dropping it next to his shoes and moved his hands down to unbuckled his belt.

He wasn't meaning for a strip tease, but Ste's eyes had glazed over as he slowly released his belt, sliding it out of the loops.

Ste licked his lips in anticipation as Brendan pushed his trousers down, leaving only his boxers on, which weren't doing well to hide the semi already forming.

Ste followed Brendan's movements and removed his t-shirt while Brendan watched, his cock growing harder. He pushed down his trackies, Brendan helping slide them off over his toes and they looked at each other.

Brendan climbed back on the bed and pushed Ste down.

'Just remember I don't know what I'm doing here either.' Brendan said, kissing along Ste's jaw again. Savouring the sweet sighs that Ste releases.

'More experienced then me.' Ste says as Brendan moves down his neck.

'Not with men I'm not.' Brendan replied, trailed a finger down his torso before he reached the waistband to his boxers. He allowed his hand to reach inside and trailed a finger up his shaft. Ste hardened.

'You're already better than you think.' Ste breathed, and Brendan clasped his whole hand around it and started pumping. He had had Ste like this before, but it was more intense this time.

He watched Ste's eyes roll back into his head in pleasure to Brendan gentle strokes and devoured the look he could now see on Ste's face. He couldn't look away. Ste arched his back off the bed and grasped at Brendan's back and pulled him closer, but Brendan wanted him to feel more.

He removed his hand and pulled out the lube from Ste's draw. He'd brought it him as a joke once.

Ste was looking at him now with pleading eyes, clouded over with lust and Brendan felt his cock twitching at only that. He pulled Ste's boxers down and slicked his fingers up, then rubbed it against his entrance. Ste let out a sigh and closed his eyes again. Brendan continued to rub the entrance before gently pushing one finger in.

He watched as Ste's face scrunched up, before relaxing again and Brendan started to push in a rhythm, moving his finger inside to reach that spot he knew would drive Ste crazy. He inserted another finger, hitting that sweet spot and Ste started fucking himself back onto Brendan's fingers.

He rested his head against Ste's, nibbled his ear.

'Oh... my... god.' He heard Ste breathe and he could hear the desperation for more, and Brendan could feel his own desperation for more, so he pulled out his fingers and pulled down his own boxers

He leant across and got out a condom.

'Do we even need this?' Ste asked. 'I mean it's the first time and all...'

'I was careless with Eileen, and she's not exactly a saint.' Brendan said and Ste nodded.

Ste took the condom from his hands and ripped it open with his teeth and Brendan cocked his head and looked at his impressed. Ste winked shyly before rolling it onto Brendan erect cock. He rapped his legs around Brendan waist and took a shaky breathe before looking in Brendan's eyes.

'You okay?' Brendan asked.

Ste shook his head, smiling. 'I'm fine.'

Brendan smiled.

'Just promise me you'll tell me to stop if it hurts.'

'You know I will.' Ste said.

Ste pushed his bum up giving Brendan better access and Brendan lined himself up. He looked down at Ste, his tip against Ste's entrance and leaned down to kiss him. The kiss was sloppy and just something to prepare them both for when Brendan finally pushed in the head of his dick inside Ste.

Brendan closed his eyes at the tight suction of it and felt his head spin. It was totally _un_like Eileen. He heard Ste wince and felt him muscles tighten around him.

He stopped himself going any further.

'Does it hurt?' Brendan asked, surprised he had he function to talk.

'A little. Just go slow, and be gentle.' Brendan nodded and pushed it further.

Ste gasped and he stopped. 'No, no! Carry on.' he said.

It was an incredible contrast, this pain on pleasure that Ste was feeling and he didn't know quite how to describe it. He could feel Brendan filling him up and he tightened his legs hold around Brendan's waist pushing him closer to him causing him to push in further.

When Brendan was fully buried inside Ste he stopped. He looked Ste in the eye as if asking permission to carry on and Ste nodded and he slowly retracted himself.

He built up a steady rhythm. Slow and gentle just as Ste has asked and his head was already feeling clouded with how amazing it felt.

'Your so tight Steven.' he whispered against his neck, sucking as he continued movements, in and out.

Once he got past the pain it became a bitter sweet sensation filling him, he felt the urge to be closer to Brendan in every way. He felt this incredible intimacy as Brendan slowly moved in and out but he needed more. He scrapped nails down Brendan's back in an attempt to get more contact and Brendan seemed to feel the same.

He manoeuvred himself into a sitting position, Ste on his lap, straddling. He was still buried balls deep inside Ste, and he started to thrust against.

Ste met his thrust with grind as his sat in his lap.

'Oh my god... Bren...' Ste said as Brendan hit that spot inside him again and again.

Ste hadn't even noticed his hand reaching down to touch himself, but he was pumping himself in equal measure to Brendan's thrust.

'Harder...' he heard himself whisper.

'You said... slow and gentle...' Brendan grunted against Ste's shoulder.

'Just do it!' Ste said and Brendan gripped his hips, either side and thrust up into him.

Ste gasped and carried on his own movements. But they were becoming erratic now, this sensation filling up inside him, starting at the core and spreading out throughout his body making his bones grow weak and he knew he wasn't going to last much longer.

'Bren... Oh my, Bren I'm gonna-'

'So come...'

And he did. All over his stomach, and all over Brendan's, and yet Brendan carried on his thrust, ridding Ste through it. Ste felt light headed, and he couldn't see straight. He couldn't lift his head of Brendan's shoulder.

He didn't even realise Brendan had laid him down on the bed again.

Brendan carried on, his thrusts becoming slower until eventually, he couldn't take it anymore and he came.

He had never felt such an immense intensity in all his life. He felt on top of Ste, aware he may be crushing the boy but not having the energy to move.

When he found a little strength he rolled off onto the other side of the bed and laid there, catching his breathe.

'That...' Ste panted. 'Was incredible... I mean, just fucking. Oh my, wow.' he looked at Brendan and Brendan started to laugh.

'I fucking love you Steven Hay.' he said and Ste pulled himself into Brendan's side, at the same time that Brendan wrapped an arm around Ste.

The lay, facing each other.

'You okay? You sore?' Brendan asked.

'I'll live.' Ste yawned.

'Sleep.' Brendan said closing his eyes. 'I'll be here when you wake up.'

Ste closed his eyes and murmured, 'I love you too.' Before being consumed in a peaceful sleep.

**Present day...**

'As if.' Ste said.

'What?' Brendan asked, looking across at him smirking. He was highly satisfied.

'As if that's what I've been missing out on all this time.' Ste said with a breathless giggle.

'You mean to tell me Douglas hasn't been keeping you satisfied Steven?' Brendan asked, cocky grin on his face.

'Oi.' Ste said, the start of a pout forming and Brendan rolled over, wrapping his arms around Ste. Pulling his back against Brendan's chest.

'I'm sorry.'

'You don't need to be sorry.' Ste said, snuggling back against him. Feeling the warmth surround him.

'For the mess I've caused you most your life, I'd say I do.'

'Everyday until your in your grace remember.' Ste said, fighting to keep his eyes open. 'You've got a whole lot of making up to do remember.' he said through a yawn. 'It was a dead good start.' he said, his eye lids winning as they slid shut.

'I'd like to think I'm a man of my word.' Brendan said and Ste huffed a laugh. 'Sleep, this time, I promise you I'm not going anywhere.'


End file.
